A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 24 and a virgin. It's not like I didn't choose this because I wanted to give my all to my gorgeous fiance. Anyway we get married in May and I was fine with the idea of how we will spend the night and what we will get up to in the bedroom. However, he went to see his doctor yesterday and he was told he will need to have an operation on his ankle a week before our wedding day. The wedding is all paid for and we both still want to go ahead with it but now he will have his leg in cast for the wedding and I have no idea how we can have sex. He says that he still wants to have sex and i still want to give myself to him on our wedding night but can I have your advice on what sex positions we can do that wont hurt his ankle or be uncomfortable? Also can I have advice on what a wedding night is like for a virgin like myself? Thanks x
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male
reader, daletom  +, writes (21 May 2012):
Has it already happened? If so, how did it go?
Whether it has already happened or not - Congratulations, and please be aware that I admire you for for at least waiting for each other, and especially waiting for marriage to have sex. My wife and I exchanged virginity - I gave her mine, and received hers in return - on our wedding night, almost 38 years ago. We were both 23 yrs old. (Yes, we are still married - to each other! - and still enjoy sex together. And the lousy first time didn't stop us from having sex 5 times in the first 24 hours of marriage.)
What you don't appreciate - and we didn't, at your age, either - is that there are mental and emotional aspects of sex as well as the physiological. Our first intercourse was physiologically lousy sex - as many, perhaps most, first times are. But mentally and emotionally it was a VERY significant and meaningful experience for both of us. It was with HER - my life partner - and she truly wanted to do it with ME - and neither of us had done it with anybody else. Beyond that, my semen in her vagina really did make our marriage more real and definite for both of us.
Don't worry about the physical mechanics of your first intercourse. Let each other know that there WILL be a first time - and I'd suggest the wedding night, or as soon after your ceremony and reception as practical. Openly communicating, with or without words, your individual preferences, desires, what is pleasurable, or a turn-off, is one key to good sex regardless of experience level. Another key is accommodating each other in these areas. And DO NOT think this communication is a one-time thing! Those preferences, desires, etc, will change not only from one session of lovemaking to the next, but also during a session.
So simply figure out the positions and movements athat are comfortable and uncomfortable for him, and act accordingly. Remember that sex and lovemaking are things you do WITH each other, not something he does "to" you, or you do "for" him. Don't think it's your feminine duty to wait for him to do something, especially if his cast restricts his ability. Speaking as a male guy person of the masculine sex . . . I am not at all insulted or intimidated when my wife takes the lead in our lovemaking. Quite the contrary, it's a bit of a turn-on.
For most virgin guys, the orgasm happens much too soon. A considerate partner will use her hands or mouth to bring him to climax shortly before he attempts insertion. Most virgin girls find that the initial penetration is somewhere between moderately uncomfortable and hurts-like-hell. A considerate partner will bring her to orgasm immediately before she envelopes his erection with her vagina. (Re-read that last sentence carefully.) In many places, virgin girls are advised to get on top of their partners so they can guide his erection into her, controlling angles, positions, rate, depth, etc. There's a lot of justification for this - he has NO IDEA what your feeling in those moments - but I suspect that most virgin couples don't have the sophistication to make it truly effective.
(After my poor performance performance and physically lousy experience when my wife & I first had sex I did a lot of reading on what I should have done differently. I'll never put the knowledge to use, but I can pass it on to others. You can read about my first experience in the thread "I'm a virgin and worried about my wedding night...", at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-a-virgin-and-worried-about-my-wedding.html but I warn you - it was NOT a painless experience for either my wife or me. But remember, even though it was lousy sex, it was still VERY significant and meaningful to us!)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2012): I broke my ankle not too long ago and it didn't cause me any trouble in the bedroom. I was prescribed pain medication, which I chose not to take at any point following my injury, so I felt the full effects of everything I did. I can tell you that having sex regardless caused me no pain whatsoever. Having an orgasm caused no pain either, although I'm sure everyone has different pain triggers (mine happened to be cold weather). Anyway, back to the sex... him on top worked, me on top worked. I guess if he wanted to have you while standing that might be an issue for him, but I'm guessing that as you're a virgin you two will probably start off with less complicated positions.
It sounds like he's perfectly comfortable with the idea of trying sex in a cast, but if you're holding out for that "perfect" first time (and I'm not saying you're right to or wrong to) then discuss your concerns more thoroughly with him. I'm sure he'll understand. Best wishes :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2012): I would say just take it easy by playing around with each other and enjoy being husband and wife, it's not like you wont see each other again, you'll be together everyday, a few weeks after that ankle is well you two will have a ball. I would have a little patient with him and let him do what he can with a bad ankle. Congratulations
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 March 2012):
 I have had a cast on my leg but the bone hurt for at least 3 weeks after surgery to repair a break.
and to be blunt it hurt badly with an orgasm... for a few weeks...the bone throbbed horribly and it was very painful.
is there anyway this surgery can be done earlier or put off till after the wedding???
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (25 March 2012):
 You can unleash your imagination regarding that cast :-). No problems.
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A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (24 March 2012):
 It will be no problem hun.........just focus more on making love rather then having sex so be more gentle with each other( a lot of touching, kissing, petting...etc) As far as positions, his cast will not interfere any more then if you were to wear socks during sex,lol. Try you on top, sideways from behind while spooning..Just enjoy each other and feel the love, sex is more then just intercourse so there are lots of other things you can do together naked while in bed:)
Congratulations to both of you and enjoy your wedding night:)
xxx
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 March 2012):
 I don't think his ankle being in a cast will have anything to say for the sex. Honestly. He's not going to use his ankle, he's going to use his other body parts. So unless you were planning on circus like sex hanging from the ceiling.. no, his ankle being in a cast wont be a problem at all. You'll be able to do ALL the top normal, usual positions that are recommendable for beginners and moderates. There's even loads of advanced positions and styles you can still go for with an ankle in a cast.
Just talk to your boyfriend about it if you are unsure of what he'd feel comfortable with. Aside from a small inconvenience in getting himself to bed, once there it shouldn't be a problem at all. In sex you use your arms and thighs and torso and butt.. not so much your ankle or foot.
I recommend, since it's your first (possibly his first as well?) that you go with one of the following: missionary or you on top. Missionary is romantic, you can kiss a lot, stare into each others eyes and whisper into each others ear. You on top gives you more freedom to do as you wish and also explore him at your own pace. But you on top COULD be a problem since you are a virgin. I don't know about everyone else, but when I sit on top I use my butt and thigh muscles, which also cause me to tighten my pelvic muscle (which tightens your vagina). You want your muscles to be RELAXED, not tensed up.
Anyway, just go with the flow of things and what feels good and natural, really. You don't HAVE to go further on your wedding night than what you feel comfortable with. If you'd rather go to sleep after a long day and experiment after breakfast instead then sure, do that. It's up to you and him to do whatever you both feel most comfortable with.
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