A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a male friend who I am very fond of, well being truthful I am madly in love with him - but we are just friends.He was dating and has recently broken up, I have been a shoulder for him to cry on and tried to be there for him. The problem is now that's all we ever seem to talk about, the break up - how hurt he is, he hates her, he loves her... and so on you know how it goes.So now I feel like I'm firmly stuck in the friend zone, I'm the one he talks to about his relationship... No! I want to BE his relationship!!He does flirt with me and I know he finds me attractive. Should I just wait it out and see what happens? But that's sooo hard!Or do you think now it's never going to? I really want him to stop talking to me about her but I don't want to hurt his feelings. But it hurts mine every time I hear her name.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2014): With all due respect, OP, either be a friend or don't. The guy is in the middle of a break up, you're not exactly being a good friend at all because you want him. People in the friendzone are not friends at all, they're not even good people they're liars with an agenda, pretending to be a friend waiting to make their move or hoping it'll just magically happen.
You picked the wrong time to start feeling like shit for being in the friendzone, OP, he's in the middle of a tough ass break up. You using his emotional distress to make a move would be a douche move and you know it, plus on the rebound you can't trust that anything that happens between you two is genuine or just him acting our of pain.
Tough it out for a while, be there for him while he deals with this and let it settle before you make your move.
The one thing you have going for you is you're close enough to him that you'll know when the time is right to open up because the amount he talks about her will have lessened a lot.
Tough it out for a little while and bide your time.
If it gets to the point where hearing about her is becoming too much and you feel you're going to explode then you just have to tell him the truth and see what happens.
OP there's only two ways of getting out of the friendzone, honesty or walking away entirely from the person.
You can also let it drag on until you can no longer take it but that's not a great option.
So wait a little while, tough it out and when the time is right open up to him about it.
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