A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok so to start with I'm in a fairly new relationship with a girl who I do care quite a lot for and I feel this relationship is worth persevering with. When we are together things are really great. Since the beginning we seem to be very comfortable with each other, no awkward silences at all, we are quite different in some ways but have never had even a tiff never mind an argument, and we also seem very compatible in the bedroom too. The problem is this girl seems very cold and uncaring, now I'm not the sort of guy who is too soppy but I like to make a woman I'm seeing feel cared about and like to be quite open, she on the other hand (and she's admitted this) is very unemotional. She has actually said she cares for me and does have feelings for me but she has trouble sometimes expressing this, especially face to face. The other drawback is that this is a long distance relationship, we don't even live in the same country, although this could be difficult for most people, my job actually allows me plenty of time off to actually visit.However, when I am actually working, and therefore not with her, I am finding it very difficult to accept how she is emotionally. She doesn't seem to want to keep in touch much (It can go a few days between messages from her) and although she did say she misses me, she just doesn't seem that enthusiastic about this relationship. As I mentioned before, when we are together things are amazing, unfortunately in the short term (6-12months at least) there is no chance of either of us moving closer to the other, so is it worth the hassle (and airfare) trying to make something work that isn't viable.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 April 2017):
 Much depends from what " fairly new " means . Like, 6 momths ? less ?...
If in this short time you have managed to meet her, pursue her, go live together, then go back, start the LDR , just to see issues cropping up - well.... - everybody can be your half apple and the perfect live-in partner for a couple of months or so, when all is brand new and, most of all, it's like a vacation - from " real " life and from the effort and sacrifices and adjustments that keeping a serious relationship going may entail.
I am not saying this is necessarily your case,OP, it is just a general comment, but... being very compatible in the bedroom is very often what blinds people about the actual viability of a relationship. Now, of course it's wonderful to find someone who's higly compatible with you in bed ! but people tend to overrate that , at least at the beginning , compared to emotional , intellectual, lifestyle compatibility etc., and that's what clouds their judgement when it' s time to make very important decisions.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice guys, not what I wanted to hear, seems I have some thinking to do! Just to clarify tho, I didn't meet this girl online, we had some time together while travelling and we lived together for a few months, but unfortunately though I had to come back home. While we were living together things were great and we seemed compatible, hence the desire to move to be with her permanently.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (15 April 2017):
No.
Moving to be with a long distance love interest is always a leap of faith. Not only because you do not know the person that much ( phone calls and texts are not the same as spending plenty of time together , in person ) but also because either one has to adjust to new surroundings, work, social circle, etc.
But it can't be totally blind faith, a reckless bet. You have to be reasonably sure that you both start from a common, very high level of compatibility, motivation and committment.
Things that seem to be lacking in your current relationship.
If you perceive her as already so lukewarm and indifferent now, in the honeymoon phase, then, either she is simply not that into you, or that's the best she can do emotionally, which is not nearly enough for the way you are, your personality and tastes. You need someone warmer , more present, more involved.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (15 April 2017):
 Id say no. It doesn't sound like you're happy with the level of communication and if this is only the start of the relationship I can't see it getting any better. This is the honeymoon period and you're already having problems.
If I were you I'd find someone closer and on the same page emotionally.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2017): Honestly I may be too old but I just cant fathom these long distance relationships where you get to know someone via the internet and fall in love all through the messenger w/o actually meeting and dating the old fashion way. My advice find someone closer at home. It is more convenient and sound.
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