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wallacda
writes:I could do with some pretty direct advice, I'm 17/male/uk.Lately I have been so emotionless lost and well detatched from everything, I really don't know what has caused this it's also like I feel as a person, I have so much potential and or some reason I'm only achieving a fraction of this, I long to be so much more than I am, I just want to be happy again... how corny does that sound?Can someone please help someone in trouble
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2008): You are in a tough situation that I'm sure we all have fallen into from time to time. Sometimes, we get caught up with our friends doing stuff that they like but isn't us. All of a sudden, we feel very low and sad. This could be your subconscious telling you that you don't like where your at, and that you have forgotten the path you were on and wanted to be on. Things don't happen over night, they take time and perseverance. It is time to reconnect with the inner self.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2008): Just wanted to say that I am a 35 year old female and oddly your words could be my words.... so this feeling can strike at any time! I have achieved a great deal (if you like ticking boxes on a list) but now I have reached a point when I feel somehow lost, emotionless and in need of a new direction in life. What I am saying is that life often takes several pathways throughout and that is the exciting thing about it. At age 19 I had planned the next 10 years but it never worked out that way - career changed, relationships changed and I am now deciding on whether or not to emigrate! You must relax in the knowledge that each year will evolve and that as long as you keep forging ahead and do not drift for too long the right things happen. There are several tricks to stay in tune with a clear direction in life - there is a book I absolutely love its called "Your best year yet" and it has some simple exercises in it to prompt your thought processes - it costs less than £10 and can be bought through the usual online book retail websites. Its not too heavy going and you can read through it in a weekend. In the meantime how about writing a list of 'wild ideas' anything from running a half marathon for a charity to going on a new experience holiday with friends. Re-inspire yourself.
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reader, q1605  +, writes (10 February 2008):
 At the age of seventeen you can do the math and see that your life has yet to begin. But there are so many paths and options it boggles the mind. And if you are surrounded by people the same age that seem to have it all figured out and have mapped out the course of their life it does nothing but make your own sense of conflict even more pronounced. Many of these folks are only following a path that has been decided since before they can remember. And many of these seemingly sure and content career bound scholars are soon going to have to reconcile what they might really feel called to do against the dreams that their parents have imposed on them. Some will find that they share their parents calling. Some will bow their heads and endure a lifetime of dissatisfaction in a life they did not choose. Some are embarking on a bitter struggle to assert themselves as individuals and never again have a relationship with their parents that is free from conflict and strife. In this light, you are actually closer to your potential then some others appear to be. You did not mention specifics so its hard to give any specific advice. But there is one thing that is not an illusion and that is that you truly have your whole life ahead and there is no harm in bogging down a little and delaying things until you develope a clearer sense of self and can apply this to your future.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2008): all good advice below - trying something new might help - be strong inside yourself, believe in yourself, don't be hard on yourself for feeling this way - we're all allowed to feel not at our best sometimes - the very fact that you are talking about it is surely healthy as opposed to bottling it up - professional help might be a good thing - what help do you get from family and friends at the moment - sometimes at 17 it is common to feel uncertain about the future and how to achieve what you want - you know what it feels like to be happy and you want to feel like that again so that's positive - if you want to write some info/detail i'd be happy to try and help again - good luck in making sense of your feelings and working towards a positive outcome and def try and enjoy yourself, take up a hobby - read an inspiring book etc take care and i hope all goes ok
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reader, AskEve + ♥, writes (10 February 2008):
 Have you set a career goal for yourself? What would you really like to do as a career? What are you good at? You are at a very vulnerable age just now and not alone. Lots of teenagers feel exactly the same way as you do so don't feel weird or odd, it's perfectly normal. You're almost an adult now and adults have responsibilities to take on. You start to think about your future, what you want to do with your life and it can be very daunting.
If you have had anything traumatic happen in your life then that needs to be talked about to help you to heal and you're welcome to email me and talk privately with me. (I'm a Relationships Counsellor and Life Coach).
Just think positive and take things one step at a time. Think about what you're really good at and write these things down. You'll probably surprise yourself when you see the list! Try to build your self esteem. Self-esteem is defined as "The experience of being capable of meeting life's challenges and being worthy of happiness." Having low self esteem can cause depression, lack of confidence, insecurity and unhappiness. Challenges seem impossible to you as there's always that inner criticism inside your head, a nagging voice of disproval that causes you to stumble at the first obstacle. What you need to look at are 4 things:
1. FACE YOUR FEARS - they aren't as bad as you think they are. Facing your fears increases your confidence.
2. FORGET YOUR FAILURES - learn from them. Avoid making the same mistakes again but don't limit yourself by assuming you failed before so you can't succeed this time. Try again, you're wiser and stronger. Don't be trapped in the past!
3. KNOW WHAT YOU WANT AND ASK FOR IT. You deserve your dreams to come true.
4. REWARD YOURSELF WHEN YOU SUCCEED. No-one else will! Everything is easier when you take time to help yourself?
Don't try to be like someone else. This leads to lack of self worth and confidence. You are UNIQUE and you cannot be someone else so strive to be better yes, but don't criticise yourself for not being as successful or as popular as someone else. You deserve better. Try to take life and yourself less seriously. Failure just means you are not successful YET. Everybody fails on their way to succeeding, don't look on it as failure but as a means to learning. It could be you just need a change of direction, problems can make you stronger if you strive to overcome them.
I've given you a link you can look up which will also help you and remember to email me if you want to talk some more okay?http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/conditions/mental_health/emotion_esteem.shtml
~Eve~
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reader, TasteofIndia + ♥, writes (10 February 2008):
 You got some great advice from the Aunts so far. I'm just chiming in with some added advice. If you feel like you're only reaching a part of your potential, that's wonderful. It's an opportunity. Sometimes when you reach a really "blah" place in life and you're feeling stagnant, it's a great time to try new things. What I think you ought to do is try to challenge yourself with something COMPLETELY new.
Take up an instrument, theater, racquetball, chess, glass blowing, ceramics, snowboarding, yoga (yes, men do yoga. Hey - a flexible man is hard to find.) - SOMETHING to get yourself moving.
I think that yes, you ought to talk to a counselor if you're feeling really depressed and you lack any sort of motivation. But, for some self-therapy you could try to get out there and try some new things, meet some new people and to try and get yourself back into a positive attitude.
Just an idea, sweetness! Listen to the other Aunts too, some great advice is coming from them.
xx India
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reader, chocolatetpots +, writes (9 February 2008):
Hi, Why do you say " I long to be happy again" ?Obviously you were happy, what has happened in your life to change that happiness?There is a reason for your unhappiness, whether it be a family problem, or even a knock back that was unexpected which can affect you in a number of ways.Stress from college, Uni, or the home front can also be a major concern at your age, trying to adjust to adult life but with mixed up feelings, try to give me some more info on what is happening in your life at the moment?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): My daughter has had a similar problem and has opted to speak to a counsellor. I don't know from your question anything about your circumstances to it is hard to answer in detail. A lot of people at your age go through similar feelings as do some adults. You say you have a lot going for you so it would be a shame to waste that. Is there anyone you could talk to? There are lots of free and confidential counselling services for young people - just check on google - there is a place called 'open door' in north london and the 'brandon centre/branden centre' if they are not in your area they could point you in the right direction. I know of a friend;s son who went through this and he came out of it naturally. It could be anything from low motivation, lack of confidence, something related to an unresolved experience. I am not a psychologist but have a few friends who are and they recommend that young people who are feeling this way can benefit from someone to talk to to help them make sense of their feelings and move forward to achieve their potential. Apparently regular exercise is a good way to get a release from negative feelings as it gets out 'endorphins' (something to do with happy/positive feelings) even if it is a very brisk walk. I hope you feel ok soon well done for taking the brave step of talking about it/asking for advice.
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