A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 20 and so is my fiance she is still a virgin and wants to wait til we are married. We still do stuff like oral sex. She is wanting to go further but remain a virgin i was wondering if fingering her would pop her cherry or not?
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fiance, fingering, oral sex, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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male
reader, daletom +, writes (18 July 2010):
Congratulations!!
I hope you experience a fulfilling, life-long marriage between lovers and best friends.
Ten months and counting . . . I can identify with that, since I spent 10 months in the anticipatory state of being engaged. What day in May? Wishing you the best!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your input we have set a date for next may and have been engaged since december we dated for 2 years before i popped the question
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (16 July 2010):
"Tisha-1" gave a good answer - you need a more precise definition of virginity. Or, you actually need to know your fiance's definition of virginity.
I sense that underneath your post is the age-old question faced by couples:
"How far can we go without going too far?"
In fact, sexual activity spans a wide spectrum of things. Something as "innocent" as holding-hands is probably near one end of the spectrum, and full penis-in-vagina sexual intercourse is at the other. Regardless of how you label the various activities, individuals have a right to establish what is acceptable and unacceptable under various conditions, including the different stages of a relationship. If your fiance' has placed limits on what is allowable in your relationship, please respect her wishes and don't try to circumvent her desires by playing games with definitions. Trust me - in the long run, you will be glad you did.
When I was engaged, we set our boundaries at penis penetration of her vagina or labia. I promised not to pressure for sex before marriage; she promised not to limit sex after marriage. That was our agreement, and it took both of us working together to keep it. We developed little signals that said, "This is getting too far - I need your help to keep our promise." During our engagement (about 10 months) we worked up to the point where we did pretty much everything but intercourse. I consider that we gave each other our virginities when we first had intercourse on our wedding night.
Some would say we were only "technical virgins". They would point out that we had already "made love". I won't disagree; in both a physical and emotional sense we had engaged in lovemaking activities. We had enjoyed many of the physical pleasures of sexual activity, including orgasm. We had felt the emotional bond that went along with it. But our first intercourse was significantly different than anything we had done before. In some sense, it really did make us more "officially married".
My wife has a slightly different view. She thinks we went a little too far before marriage. She sort of wishes that our first time naked together had been on our wedding night, but she's not sure about that. She says that bringing each other to climax was too far, but she's glad we learned to do that before we had full sex. Obviously, the "correct" limits on what we should have done will be uncertain for the duration of our marriage (a month short of 36 years so far). We agree that there were at least a couple of times when one of us (not just me!) would have gone ahead with sex, but the other didn't take advantage of the situation. I am definitely glad that I respected her request - I think it helped develop mutual trust and respect within our marriage.
Have you set a wedding date? I hope so - and I hope your engagement isn't expected to last more than a year or so. Engagement is a time for mentally and emotionally preparing to be married. There comes a time when, if you are truly going to have a marriage, it's time to stop preparing and actually BE married! Yes, sex is part of it but not the ONLY part. If your "engagement" is actually the sort of indefinite holding pattern I see among many couples, I question whether you are being honest about your intentions. You may actually be acting out some kind of romantic fantasy, or maybe you are simply wearing a label pasted on you by popular culture (i.e., "Yes, we've been dating for 3 years so I guess that means we're engaged.").
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): Of course she'd still be a virgin.
The only way she will loose her virginity is if your penis goes inside her vagina, (penetration).
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 July 2010):
 If you are asking if inserting your finger into her vagina tear her hymen, of course it could. The hymen is a thin membrane that partially covers the vaginal opening. It is easily ruptured by mechanical means, such as inserting a tampon, or vigorous physical exercise like gymnastics, horseback riding or other sports.
I guess the question for you is what is your definition of 'virginity'? For many western cultures, it is not ever having had penile penetration of the vagina. For others, it means an intact hymen. That would need to be clarified before your question could be answered.
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