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Can I win back the husband who's fallen in love with another woman?

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Question - (8 September 2005) 10 Answers - (Newest, 24 April 2011)
A female , anonymous writes:

I have been with my husband for 6 years and we have generally had a happy marriage. Last night he told me he doesn't love me anymore and is in love with one of our mutual friends. He has agreed to try some counselling but says he can't continue our marriage if he doesn't love me and can't ever see his feelings changing for this other woman. How can I win back my husband and make him fall in love with me again?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2011):

There is no way to win a man back if he wants to be with another woman

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A female reader, learninglovethehardway United States +, writes (16 April 2011):

@ Anonymous post: I am where you are currently and let me say that staying takes guts trust me, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about the events that took place. Ask yourself this: Do you TRUST him enough NOT to leave him? If your answer is no then my friend it's time to walk away. If yes then forgive him simple as that.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009):

hi, dear.. i would suggest u to be patient... breaking a marriage is easy but keeping it alive is wht takes love... i feel u had love binding the two of u before... so it has subsided but it can never disappear... see the positive points... ur husband has a soft corner and respects ur feelings.. so if u want to win him back be at ease with him... first of all dont argue abt the other women (dont talk on ur intiative... if he does just listen and dont give her any importance... treat her as a friend). make him belive that she is not more than a friend for him as well... men often do not understand their own feeling... first of all clear it in ur mind (keep repeating it) tht he has mistake his feelings of liking for love....Dont act desperate giving time and love be PATIENT....do not touch him on ur intiative....do not get irritated... do not cry, bey etc infront of him....it wll be slow but u wll win him back for sure....

all the best,

do let me know when u win him back... im sure u wll

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2008):

First off, In response to Anonymous Ladies response, I do think he took your feelings into consideration, as he was willing to discuss his feelings before acting upon them. Next, love is not a tamable feeling, we as humans are drawn to our desires, though often infatuation is mistaken for love. I stand firm in the belief that in life we are given but one chance to live. With that said, as much as it may pain you I would let him go, as there is nothing in life that will hurt more than yearning for what one cannot possess. I would simply suggest take your time and move forward, as he seems to be doing. Why be held back in despair and anguish for the choices another has made? I wish you the best of luck in life

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2007):

im sorry to hear that. i will be very honest with you coz my husband of 20 years left me for another woman. he obviuosly didn't care about your feeling by telling that in fairness he gave you chance to think and decide to move on. you have your choice but with me, i chose to move on and i didn't love anymore man after him. i realized that i have better life without him or with any other man. my success are my children and i devoted my time with them.

good luck. it is not easy avenue... but be strong...and positive. walk straight and keep your chin up.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2007):

i think u are a very strong woman,i love my husband with al my hart,but i cant think of fighting for some one that doesnt love me anymore rather loves some one else.i think in that case i am a cowered.

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A female reader, roseruss Philippines +, writes (23 May 2007):

good beats bad. conscience is the only enemy that he'll be dealing with. Do whatever u think is best for your family, show him ur affection to ur family (children), serve them with sincerity..be a real mother and a loyal wife at all times. Prayers too can make miracles..

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2007):

if u wanna win back ur husband (sincerely), try not to argue with him whenever u see each other. He feels anger when he sees u because of the thought that u are the hindrance of what he enjoys doing right now. I still believe that doing good things at all times beats bad deeds. Prayers too can do miracles. Do whatever u think is best and will do good for your family. He will notice it and he'll deal with his conscience.

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A female reader, Delila +, writes (8 September 2005):

You must be feeling so hurt after what your husband has told you. I agree with Irish, find out ways of raising your self esteem do what ever it takes. Get strong, get independant. If your husband wants to win YOU back after dropping that bomb then make HIM grovel and work hard for it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2005):

The best solution I can see here, might be for YOU to become strong and self-assured enough, so that you no longer need him. Becoming a strong, confident woman is not a means to winning back an unfaithful husband, but it is a case of winning back your own self-respect, your pride and dignity that he took with him, when he went to her. As long as your husband feels that any decision about where he wants to be, who he wants to be with is up to only him, he will feel free to chose whatever option he wants, irregardless of how much pain he causes you. But if he feels that your door is closing to him, he just might realize that he doesn't want that door to close. He's sitting in the catbird's seat here and he's enjoying every second of it, isn't he? Think about this. If he gets this woman "out of his system" and he comes back to you who says he won't get another one "in his system" and he leave you again, knowing that you still want him back. And this could keep going on and on, for years to come. You need to get tough and never tolerate his infidelity, ever again. Set the groundrules and lay out the boundries here, girl.

You however need to be strong and clear about what you want your life to be and stick to those ground rules, with him or without him. Don't waver. If you become strong and clear in yourself, you will win whether he returns or not. I would suggest that you find yourself a good counselor to support you in your own inner journey. Start living today and wash this man out of your hair, girl. Do what it takes.

You might really surprise yourself because when you are strong enough to no longer need him, you might not want him back, anyways. Amazing what confidence, self-esteem and inner pride does for a woman. So rather than trying to win him back, take all the energy you could waste on this man and work hard to stop loving him and learn to love yourself, fully and unconditionally. And don't ever forget...for even a day...how very special you are. You take of yourself, hun and get strong and seek happiness...you truely deserve it

Hugs,

Irish

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