A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Three months ago I heard my ex flirting on the phone with a man (saying stuff like "I'm thinking about you too", they had obviously been meeting), which really hurt me and made me write a touching goodbye message to her. She told me she loves me and didn't want me to leave her. I ignored her for two weeks to hurt her back but she was heartbroken over it and started the silent treatment which has basically lasted to this day. She thought I don't love her but over time I've been able to prove her wrong.Still, she avoids me like the plague and tries her best to pretend like I don't exist, trying not to think about me at all. I've explained why I did what I did and apologized, given her time and space but nothing has worked so far. I saw her again after two weeks of no contact and she started crying upon seeing me. The next day I confronted her again and she would just keep pretending like I didn't exist.She won't block my phone number or delete me off facebook. I know she reads every message I send her and loves the attention from me but won't respond. Should I just wait a month or longer until she contacts me? What's the best course of action and why is she doing this? Is she over me and feels bad for what happened or is she too proud to admit she did a mistake but still loves me, or is it something else that I'm not seeing? I want to understand because I want her back.
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female
reader, dcgirl15  +, writes (2 January 2013):
Two weeks is a long time to give someone the silent treatment, so I understand why she is angry at you. However, what she is doing is just as bad as what you did.
I would write her a message, tell her you care and that you want to be together. I would also say you want to respect her space and allow her to move on if that's what she wants. Tell her that after today, you're going to back off. Let her know what you like about her and that you were mostly breaking things off because you were afraid of losing her. Be honest.
If you get back together, you need to examine why she was talking to someone else. People normally start other relationships like that because they're bored. What she did was wrong and that needs to be addressed. However, dumping someone and then punishing them by ignoring them is also wrong.
Just make sure this is a relationship worth getting back into. it sounds like you both have communication issues and the silent treatment isn't a mature way to react to something. It's just an intentional infliction of harm upon someone else. Try to avoid it in the future.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 January 2013):
 Well... it's a gut-wrenching game that the two of you are playing.....
Maybe some day the two of you will decide to discontinue the game and something(s) will change. Until that day, steel yourself for more of the same....
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2013): You broke up with her, but you're surprised that she doesn't want to talk to you?
It sounds as if she still loves you, but is keeping her distance because she doesn't want to be hurt more.
You've apologized, but have you told her that you'd like to get back together?
If not, then tell her!
If you have, then her silence is your answer; she's not willing to try again. This illustrates why breaking up when you're angry is a bad idea.
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A
female
reader, [?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] +, writes (1 January 2013):
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png) If she loved you she wouldn't have done that in the first place. You don't just flirt with someone or meet up with them. I'm not sure if she wasn't getting any attention she wanted from you between you and her were dating.. There could have been things she was wanting and didn't get unless it was from him? But it probably did hurt her when you left her. I truly believe in second chances but you have to let her come to you... All I can say is, you shouldn't have to be sad over it and wait for her. If she wants to move on let her and I think you should move on too. You'd both be happier that way. Do what you think you have to do!
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