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Can I love two guys at the same time?

Tagged as: Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 August 2005) 26 Answers - (Newest, 18 May 2012)
A female , anonymous writes:

I am 19 years old and I have a boyfriend but just recently I have been having feelings for another guy. I still love my boyfriend but every time I see this other guy I fall in love with him.

Is there somthing wrong with me or it normal to have feelings for two guys at the same time? plz help, thanks

miss confused

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A female reader, hottylover  Zimbabwe +, writes (18 May 2012):

Well I'm very very glad I came accross all this. Cause I'm only 15 and been in the same situation about 5/6 times.. Thanks ladies.

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A female reader, MissTwoFaced Canada +, writes (30 December 2011):

I have the same problem, even though i am 17.. i dont have anyone i can really talk to and i know this post is long but PLEASE read it and give me some advice..

first il start off with, i am going off to university next year and i know many people have told me "oh just be single and have fun, blah blah blah". but i am dating this amazing guy, J we'll call him, we have been dating for a year and a half, he goes to my current school, but only in grade 11, me in grade 12. and he is easy going, compassionate, selfless, jelous, cute, sensitive, my "first" and knows everything about me.

then there is B, an ex boyfriend who i met 2 years ago at my old school, he is my age, graduating this year aswell as me. he moved away so we stoped dating, now let me tell you I WAS OBSESSED! i was a very shy girl and was 15 when i met him, so quite "Green" to love. he was the first boy i had ever kissed, even though we only dated for 3 weeks it was one of the best 3 weeks of my life, we had been great friends before that for about 5 monthes aswell, he is a charming, handsom, a bit of a flirt, but he was so amazing and attractive totally, and he knows everyhting about me.

so when he moved away i was devistated, we didnt talk for a while and i moved on and transfered to a new school, so i soon met J and fell in love, well then i started talking to B again and soon fell back in love with him, which caused problems with me and J because i was stressed.. and then a few weeks ago i went down to the city which is where he moved to and saw him after about 2 years, it was great, we didnt kiss or anything, all we did was hold hands... well me and J were on a break, i told J as soon as i got back, he was hurt but gave me a second chance..

well i love them both, and where i am going to university i will be closer to B than J and J wil still be in school while B wont, and B will have his license....

i am so confuzed and a nervous reck, even though things are good with me and J now, i know things are still wrong behind the scenes, becuase me and my friend are going to see a concert that B is going too aswell.. well we text and if i see him i dont know what will happen.

godd, well i know J would be a great parent, or husband.. but i am only 17, i need to have fun. but ive tried not talking to both of them and it just makes it worse, i cry all the time, and it just gets messy.. i dont wanna hurt any of them, i dont wanna "play games" with J.. i just am in a tizzy.

What do u think i should do?

sincerely,

MissTwoFaced (confuzed individual)

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A female reader, honeysweetmel United States +, writes (30 August 2011):

I came across this post from years back and I'm in a similar situation. I am 28 years old and I think I'm in love with 2 guys at the same time. 1 of them doesn't know about it and I probably will never tell. He is one of my good friends who also happens to be my best friend's brother. I've known him for years. I don't wan't to lose the friendship I've built with the family because I really love them so much. The other one is my current boyfriend of a few months. But he is the sweetest guy in the world who treats me like his one and only. He is great and I already love him with everything he's done so far, but I'm still getting to know him well. I'm glad to read that I'm not alone :)

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A female reader, Areej43 Saudi Arabia +, writes (27 May 2011):

Areej43 agony auntI know this post is from the past, but the comments were very helpful foe me !

I have the same problem which is - thanks God- something normal.

I don't know how to choose ! I feel like I wanna them both .

I do LOVE both of them !

It's really comforting that I'm not alone :)

I'm thinking of asking both if they really love me and who are willing to marry me .

Good luck for me & for u all 3

You all girls make me feel safe .

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A female reader, KaseyM United Kingdom +, writes (22 February 2011):

ino this post is years old now but i have come across it looking for answers,, i am in love with 2 men aswell,, one i do love and have been with for nearl five years, the other one there has been feelings between for a couple of years.they are both friends which makes it worse,, i dont know what to do, what to think or anything, i have tried to ignore the feelings for the other man but they always come back......

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2010):

I know this post is five years old, but reading that so many women feel the way I do is comforting. I think you should never be sorry for how you feel, just how you might act on it. The advice people give me is what do I want for myself, on my terms, that only I can give me. Then who fits with that scenario? Honesty can be great, but the key is to judge according to your situation. Only you know how you relate to these people. Only you know how they make you feel. And sometimes...sometimes you have to choose, jump in with both feet and live with the outcome.

Best of luck past and future readers.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2010):

well i think it is its happening to me to there both so cute but both of them don't like me but from what i hear it is normal to have feelings for 2 guys/boys at the same time.

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A female reader, JKel Canada +, writes (18 March 2010):

i would like to say YES i have been in love with 2 person at the same time 4 years ago and a lost them both. i picked the guy who wasnt my bf and he left me 2 weeks after that. But the guy who was my bf turned out to be a total looser so its ok.

But here i am in the same situation again, i think theres something wrong with me. I love my bf of 3 and a half years, but lately he lost his job and he's been kinda depress. i still love him but i hate seeing him like that its depressing for me 2. Plus, he smokes and he drinks and sometimes i think hes wasting all his money. But he also cook, cleans, and i know hed do anything for me.

He doesnt like to go or do anything. he always wants to stay home. ive been with him 3 years. we've been out dancing twice, swimming once. I need more than that.

And then there is this other guy which i've known for 6 years but i never meet him. he lives on the other side of the planet. but every time i talk to him i fall in love with him. He is SO charming, its incredible. Hes always making me tingle and makes my heart skips alot of beats. I know he likes but i just dint know how much. and i wouldnt leave my bf for him but i still love that tingly feeling i get when i talk to him, he like my drug, i feel like i need to talk to him. and i love him 2.

i want to think miss ''grass'' the anonymous woman who uses T and S initial.

because now i know that what i dont get from my bf i get from him and that aint necessarely a bad thing.

Thank you for commenting me. its appreciated

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009):

I am in the same situation. My current boyfriend was not treating me well recently (like 6 months or so!) so I think I stopped loving him and searched for somebody else! It was first like a joke, speaking to the other guy on messenger...and then I appreciated him so much and same for him..we then arranged to see each other and it was the best experience in my life, the other guy was wonderful and so nice! I felt secured and loved..Now, I am having trouble to find the balance, my boyfriend still loves me and the other guy loves me his way, the way i truly like! I am so confused as well and I hope I can figure out something...post any ideas for me too!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2008):

It is totally normal to feel that way. Even tho as guilty you may feel, be honest with yourself and both the guys you love! Hopefully they will understand! through honesty you will find which one is truly for you.

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A male reader, PaulW United Kingdom +, writes (24 December 2008):

I've been one of those guys in that situation. Tell them both. You will be less stressed and the one who truly loves you will stay with you. Perhaps they both will.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2008):

I have the same problem. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 3 yrs now, and he is a very nice guy who treats me really well. When I'm with him I feel really safe and secured. However, I also like this other guy whos been my friend for 4 yrs. He knows that I have a boyfriend and he is willing to wait for me. But i know that is selfish but its so hard to let him go.. we seem to have so much in comment and he makes me laugh a lot.. so I am so confused about what to do. they are both really nice and smart guys and both of them truly loves me. Its so hard for me to let go and yes "girls are attracted to pretty things" =)

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A female reader, grass Malaysia +, writes (16 August 2008):

i dated S for 3 years. he is til now, my longest lasting boyfriend. We complement each other...have the same beliefs, values. i feel like im part of his family...the only problem is, he doesnt talk much about his feelings. i find it hard to communicate with him sometimes. yet...i know he loves me. i love him too eventhough i had tried to dump him like 20 times, he swallowed his ego and held on to me. My communication need is usually met by my roommate, my ex, and this male colleague,T whom i've been going out with for few months. Movies, sports, or just meals. T is attached too. We can talk about everything like best pals... i enjoyed being with him. but we have yet had any physical contact, we both just dont dare to cheat on our partners. Emotionally however, i think we have crossed the line. S knows about me seeing this guy...as long as i report to him the details of the dates. What i know is, S is forever, T is temporary... but everytime im with T...the need to hold him is just tearing me apart. When im wif S... i feel secure and cant imagine life without him. i need them both. S for security, belonging. T for talking, talking and talking... i dunno if offering a problem or solution. i already know what should i do... just sharing. i must hold on to S. I cant blame him for not meeting all my needs. Because, i couldnt meet all his needs too. among them are being completely faithful, and giving him the assurance that i wont try to leave him again. he had learn to live with it and so must i. T will just remain as my best boy friend. =)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008):

I think you love your boyfriend because you've been with him for a while, and he's become engrained in your life like an immediate family member. You mustn't go near that other guy- avoid looking at him, or feeling for him, or just avoid it completely. Leave that which makes you doubtful for that which does not!

If you truely loved your boyfriend you wouldn't look at him, but i wouldn't blame you for looking at other men if he mistreats you. So try and ask yourself if you really love him or not- if you do, you would stop, but if he mistreats you, then you can move on but do try and compromise first.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008):

Hi both writers, I am currently in a relationship and i can honestly say i love him. When im with him, i never want to let him go, i feel so warm and i know he loves me more than anything in the world. However i am actually in love with another. When im with this other guy, i feel safe, and i feel like i mean more to him than anything else, when he holds me and talks to me, theres a spark. Because of this i stopped seeing my friend and for 6months that worked, and then i saw him again and i fell completely in love with him and now i cnt let him or tht feeling go.

Unfortunately in my current relationship the spark has gone. I feel as if i love my current boyfriend, as he is my best freind (which he is) he makes me laugh so much, but thats not truely happy. Both writers and myself need to sort thier lives out, becuase what this is doing to me mentally is making me so stressed and someone i definitely dont wanna be. The hardest thing is choosing. If i let go of my current boyfriend, i loose security, my best friend, the laughing, and my 'planned' future, but stayin with him, i loose the boy i cant stop thinking off, the one i sneak off to see, the one i spend hours on the phone with and the one i can see spending my life with. It sounds shallow but i want the security of my current man as he is in such a good job with good prospects and the other, in a dead end job. What are we going to do? People sit there and tell you to just choose, but its not that easy and if there equal pros and cons its even worse. You dont wanna loose one or the otha, but i know at my rate im going to loose both of them :-( I reli hope u find a solution, im still searching.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008):

Im 24 and been with my boyfriend for 3 years. My boyfriend loves and and wants to marry me. I have always been a bit unsure, though i know i do love him just confused if im IN LOVE, and if i did spend my life with him, i know it would be a happy one. However i have always been in love with my ex who did me wrong in the passed when we were both young and stupid, and now hes coming around and we find ourselves also falling for eachother all over again...hes always been someone in my life who i never let go and apparently he hasnt either..So all of a sudden i see myself in this same perdicerent. It sucks, and i dont want to hurt anyone as well. I am trying to follow my heart and not hurt anyone in the process. I suggest you do the same. Do what you need to do, but mind the feelings of others, and stay true to your heart.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008):

your feelings is very natural because even if a person is in a relationship they can also be attracted to someone else and it dont have to mean that your doubting your boyfriend or your feelings for him. females eyes is easily attracted to nice things so if you see a nice guy of course you will have your eyes on him, but you are also too young to really think that your boy friend is the one whom youll spend the rest of your life with. you should get to know the guy you like and if he makes you smile and laugh more than your boy friend would then

there might be something wrong. hey theres nothing wrong with exploring your horizons.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008):

i feel the same way i have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and we haeva beautifl daughter together but i have had feeling for his one friend ever since we started dating and we eventally told each other that we had feelings for each other then they quit being friends and we havent spoke in months! But i am still in love with im and my boyfriend but the more i am falling in love with him the more im falling ot of love with my boyfriend

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008):

it's hard i know i am in the same boat right now. i am still in love with my ex but the new guy i really like him and i dont know which one to chose from i dont want to hurt nither of them but i am only hurting my self right now but not beening with either i jsut can chose. but if i was you go with the one that your heart leads you to not to where people lead you to that will only lead you to more pain later on

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2007):

thats totally a very hard choice you have there...but if you really love your boyfriend. STAY WITH HIM!!! because you shouldn't leave someone you love for someone you like. This is the exactly same situation as i have but im sticking with my boyfriend because i know he truly loves me and if i go with the other guy...that guy might leave me and i would have nothing.....so think about it....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2007):

Hi. I'm in love with two guys at the moment. The other one is hot and handsome, and the other one is just something totally different. the worst thing is that these guys are best friends. I don't see anything wrong by being in love with both of them, but i'm not actually dating them either.

I think you just have to do the same thing as i have to do, choose the one you want more. you can't have them both, unfortunately... Good luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2005):

you know...nothing wrong with you..its just our feeling is strange..try to ask them..how he loves you and you'll see what's the answer to your questions...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2005):

I have a boyfriend that loves me so much and i'm in love with him too, but i think i am also in love with my best friend, which is a guy, who also likes me!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2005):

I think that you should either stop falling in love with this other guy or dump your boyfriend. There's no point of loving two people. What would you do if they met each other one day and they both worked out that you liked them and then you'd end up with none of them. Either work harder improving your relationship with your boyfriend or dump him.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2005):

Hello Miss Confused...

You're still young and it is normal to feel that way. You're just not 'in love' with your current boyfriend and want to try other things and other people.

There is no point staying with somebody you can't picture yourself spending the rest of your life with so just move on.

If the other guy has the same feelings towards you then give him a go! If it doesn't work out, keep searching for your true love ;-)

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A female reader, Anastasia Trinidad and Tobago +, writes (2 September 2005):

Anastasia agony auntso you love your boyfriend and everytime to you see this other guy you fall in love with him. So if Cookie Monster decides to roll by your house later...what happens then? It is very insensitive to be loving two people at the same time. One person will always be hurt in it. Do you want to be responsible for that. Decide who you want to be with, it makes no sense hurting innocent people ...especially the one that loves you right now.

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