A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am five months pregnant and i am terrified of being a parent (single parent at that). I love the little one but at the same time i don't want it - i want to run to the hills screaming my head off a way from the responcibilities and hardships and baby in my future. I could never have gotten an abortion so i kept the little one but now i keep thinking i am never gonna be free again ... i am always gonna be trapped ... i am always gonna be someone's mother ... i always have to think about someone other than me. I don't want it and i don't know how to make this feeling go away. Its a strange feeling to both love and hate my baby - my life is never gonna be the same. Anyone got any tips to help me through this trying time - i think once i have had the baby for a year i will be so attached that i will never be able to imagine my life without him/her, the problem is just getting from here to there. Can i have the baby blues even though the baby is not born yet? Help, i need help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2010): You know I kind of had the same fears when I was pregnant, but not at all as servere, it was more a wondering thought that would only cross my mind occaisionally. Having a baby is really not like that though. My baby is 11 weeks, and while sometimes I would kill to get a littlemore sleep (like today, when hes wide awake at 4 am and I have to get up and stay up with him) But really you still get to do things and be yourself and being a mother doesn't really feel any different for as opposed to when it was just my bf and I. For me it just kind of came naturally after he was out. Not to say I didn't need help with things, I just mean that the changes were not as drastic as you may think they have to be. Also, it is much easier when you have a partner however. But we have let my boyfriends mother babysit ( sometimes she even tells us that we have to go out so she can babysit cuz she misses him lol) for us for a few hours when she comes to visit so we can do things like go out to lunch/ dinner, go do errands, and even just spend time alone together. But even when she's not here to look after him when we run errands, he is really good going out. The hardest thing I have to say is the preparation of the daiper bag and making sure you have everything. I'm sure you will be fine when the baby is actually here, but for now it would be good to let your doctor/midwife know, and maybe they can help you and show you ways to not feel so stressed with your feelings towards baby at the moment. I hope that helps and I'm sure you will be a great mom!!! All the best!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 April 2010):
 Well, I believe I'd feel the same way as you. I always wanted to have a child since the teenages (never tried to get one as a teen btw), but even how much Ive wanted one and still want to be a mother... There were a few times where I missed the pill or was just plain stupid and didnt use rubber, where I got terrified I might be pregnant. Truly horrified. So yes I think Id be feeling the same as you do now if I got pregnant! A mixed feeling of joy and happiness with horror, haha. I think it's okay to feel that way. Its a life changing experience, one you can never truly be mentally prepared for until it actually happens. I think you are freaking out over this, but I also think that you will come to peace with your pregnancy. Take a deep breath and calm down.
Life is not over! It's only changing for you to experience something wonderful and new that is such an important part of life. An experience women all over want to have one day (for most part of us). You are always going to be someone's mother, and isn't that great? You will always be someones daughter too, and that never made you feel trapped, did it?
I suggest you calm down.. nothing is on fire, and you still have some months to go before the baby gets here, you can be prepared. Get some help from your own mother or someone else in your family? A friend even? Talk to someone who already has a child about how they experienced their pregnancy? I think talking about it with someone who has already been there and done that, will calm you down. But for now I will say: don't worry! Everything will be great! Best of luck and congratulations!
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (15 April 2010):
 Yes you definately can get pre natal depression and I strongly urge you to talk to your midwife or doctor about this. You are not abnormal! Heaps of other people suffer these kinds of feelings too even those of us who are pregnant in happy marriages worry about how we will cope and if we will be good mothers or not.
You will be OK and you will be a great mother!!!
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