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Can I have an abortion without my parents knowing?

Tagged as: Family, Pregnancy, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 May 2009) 14 Answers - (Newest, 4 October 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Ok heres my question - At the age of 13 if you got pregnant can you go have an aboursion with out your parents coming with you or even knowing

i would really like to know it would really help a situation i am in

Thanks x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2009):

babe; i'm just a year older than you and I went through the exact same thing. I first went to my school, they made me tell my grandmother, who told my mother-which made it easier but my mother was fuming. but she got me the morning after pill straight away. your mum may be mad but she wants whats best for you, and she'll be even more upset if she finds out you've been lying about it. my mother threatened to put me in care if I ever got pregnant, but she hasn't and I've been through some pretty intense stuff with her. the boy was someone I loved with all my heart, I dont know if you're in that situation exactly, but he helped me get through it, as did my nan. the best way is to get a adult you trust, and decide the best way to tell your mother, if you decide to. xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009):

Godbless you sweetheart. I really feel for you! People shouldnt judge u when they know nothing about ur life and the reasons u felt u needed to sleep with a boy so soon. I should image you were craving love so much darling. im 41 but had my daughter when i was 15. She,s such a blessing 2 me and have never regretted my decision 2 keep her. You cant do this alone hunny. Whatever ur choice ule need ur mums. Im praying 4 you x

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A female reader, aphexinfinite United Kingdom +, writes (18 May 2009):

aphexinfinite agony auntthanks for understanding fatherly advice and i agree with you on what you said they will be hurt but they would rather be going through it will you than knowing your suffering on your own. i hope this turn out well for you aphex

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (18 May 2009):

Fatherly Advice agony auntDanelle, It is admirable that you are concerned about your parents. It is also a good sign that you didn't say that they would punis you or kick you out. Aphex is giving you some 'tough love' and you are getting some good advice on medical help. As a father of three girls I want to say that I would rather be hurt or disapointed or heart broken, heck I'd rather be run over by a truck, than watch one of my daughters go through this alone. So if not your parents is there another adult in your life you could trust? A relative or friend? My heart goes out to you. FA

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A female reader, aphexinfinite United Kingdom +, writes (17 May 2009):

aphexinfinite agony auntwell you should of thought about that before having sex. no offense but their are reasons why having underage sex is a illegal. of course its going to kill them but as i said before you seem to think your an adult so you will have to step up to the mark they will be pissed off perhaps ashamed but with time things will heal but you will have to learn your lesson from this and wait till you old enough. tell them and if they love you they will put this behind them and do what must be done by your admissions what you want them to do ie have abortion or not. your still their little girl and they will be in shock and angry but once it settles down they will then calm and be as supportive as much as they can. and no im not being mean or harsh im telling you the realitys of life and the consquences to bad actions im sorry im being straight forward but if im not then who would. im trying to give you the advice and what will happen dont down me because im not treating you like a baby. good luck aphex

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A female reader, Han_18  +, writes (17 May 2009):

Hey, firstly this is such a sad thing to happen to girls of your age :(

I live in Croydon, South-East London, and underage pregnancy is very common in this area so I'd like to think i know quite a lot about this topic.

(though I have never been in this situation, my cousin had a baby at 15 aswell)

So I know you must be feeling very worried and scared right now, possibly feeling like you have no one to turn to or that everyone will judge you.

But there ARE people out there for you, as thousands of young girls have been through exactly the same problem. And these sorts of people WONT judge you. There are so many organisations set up to help you here :)

Your definatley not the first (or the last) to be in this situation!!

So firstly,is it possible for you to get a doctors appointment with your local GP without your mum knowing? They will be helpful in that they can give you connections to abortion clinics, help and councelling.

Alternatively find out about your local family planning clinic, which you can go to completly confidentially (and are therefore probably better than your GP) and they normally have sessions for under 16's.

I have had an appointment with one of them to get the morning after pill and they are extremley helpful, provide you with advice so you dont get into the situation again and also remain completley CONFIDENTIAL which i think you especially want.

I can completley understand that you dont wanna tell your parents, my own parents are very strict on these kind of issues and said I would have to move out if i got pregnant so if you believe its too risky telling your parents and you can get away with it without telling them, then dont.

Im not saying lying is the best way and im not trying to encourage it, but in cases like this it really does depend on your relationship with your parents and if you believe you can tough it out without them.

But the most important thing here is dont blame yourself!

I know how hard it must be not to, but as you are so young (sorry if this sounds patronising, I remember being 13 and hated being called that because I felt quite mature) you probably havent had the right amount or proper contraception and sex advice that is vital before having sex.

But now you know! And after everything is sorted, you will have learnt so much, about the huge importance of contraception methods and im sure you will have learnt from your mistakes and make sure the only time this happens again when your actually ready.

Sorry for the hugeness of this post!

I really don't judge you for what's happened and let me know if you need any more help in finding any places for your procedure (seeing as we;re both from the UK)

Be brave and get through this, it will be sorted!

Best of luck and wishes,

Han xxxx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I cant tell them it wud kill them

no way i need another way :((

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Just want to say a massive thanks to cat

you really helped me and thanks for saying bout me being shouted at

and thanks to every1 else too xx

Danielle x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009):

Heya hunii first of all can i just say to the female with the long weird name that although i don't agree with the fact she is 13 she is on here for advice not to be shouted at which will make her feel even more like she cant tell he parents if she can't even ask for advice on an internet advice website!

Anyway... I'm from the UK but I'm not sure because you're under 16. You need to first of all really consider telling your parents... i know it's scarey and your mum and dad will hate it at first but whether they like it or not they have to accept it. Your too young to be going through this yourself beliee me im 17 and had an abortion a few months ago and i found it hard enough. Atleast just tell your mum or if you have any older sisters? you need your mums help because having an aortion isnt easy and it is painful im not gonna lie to you and especially since you have such a young body... your onna regret doing it on your own please consider tellng your mum...

Mail me when you know what's happening because id like to know how things turn out

thanks x

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (15 May 2009):

Honeypie agony auntI'm sorry you are pregnant at 13. I'm even more sorry that you feel like you can not talk to your mom or dad and get their support, love and help through it.

Whatever you decide, make sure you don't have to go through it alone.

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A female reader, bobbles32 Canada +, writes (15 May 2009):

bobbles32 agony auntNo, you're under 16. Let your parents know.. or an adult who you trust.

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (15 May 2009):

Fatherly Advice agony auntI don't know about the rules in the UK in the US it varies by state. I would bet you could get a consultation without your parents, and that would let you know for sure.

Additional advice that you didn't ask for and may not want ***read at your own risk***

Abortion is not a simple answer it is a huge emotional decision that will affect you for a long time. Isn't this the kind of time that you should get all the support that you can. And wouldn't your parents be the people who love you and care for you the most in the whole world. You probably need them to know.


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A female reader, aphexinfinite United Kingdom +, writes (15 May 2009):

aphexinfinite agony auntjust gonna say this your 13 why are you having sex its illegal you should have to tell your parents so you can take the consequences of your actions since your such an adult. with that aside their are time limits on abortion up to 24 weeks not to mention you need two doctors signatures. The law allows young people aged under 16 to consent to medical treatment if they have sufficient maturity and judgement to enable them to understand what is proposed. The duty of confidentiality owed to a person under 16 is the same as that owed to any other person.

If a young woman under 16 is considered competent to consent to her own medical treatment, she can consent to an abortion. However, it is usually only in extreme situations that an abortion would be performed without any parental involvement.

here is a web site that would be able to help you with more answers other than that visiting your doctor on your own is the best bet. owning up to what you have done would be better. at the end of the day i have given you options you choose what to do. i know you prob ddnt want what i said for a start and think im mean but the day you decided to have sex was the day you decided to be an adult so i will treat you like one. in future wait till your old enough and use contraception. good luck with your choice aphex

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A female reader, molly4 Australia +, writes (15 May 2009):

molly4 agony auntYoung women under the age of 16 may seek abortion information without parental consent. A young woman under the age of 16 may also have an abortion without parental consent if her doctors determine that she meets the Fraser Guidelines:

-She understands the medical professional's advice.

-She can not be persuaded to inform her parents.

-She is competent to give consent to the treatment.

-It is in her best interest not to inform her parents.

If you click this link it will direct you to a UK site where you enter in your city details and it tells you the nearest abortion clinic. There is lots of other information on the website.

I hope whatever you do turns out well.


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