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*ostinbladenboro
writes: I've dated around 6 people in the last 3 months (nothing sexual, just casual dinner dates) and I met a girl that I've known for about 12 years that I'm really into. We've been out, kissed, and spend every day together. Matter of fact for the last 2 months she's been either at my house or I've been at hers, but she is a lot like I was when I was her age, (I'm 25, she's 20)(I have a child and she has a child). She is very emotionaly shut off, she don't show affection the way I do. I like holding hands and kissing and cuddling , she does too but i's like pulling nails to get her to show affection. Now I'm not saying I'm in love with her but.. we are going on a bahama cruise in Aug. and I'm wanting to ask her to marry me but I'm conflicted as to do it cause of her lack of openness (in private it's different, she will open up to me).So I guess my question is how do I get her to open up to me in less than 3 months so that I can ask her to marry me on our trip and not have doubts about it?
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reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (18 May 2005):
 Why do you want to marry someone who you already acknowledge doesn't meet your standards and who you admit you don't love? Wouldn't that just be setting yourselves up for an unhappily-ever-after?And why do you feel compelled to rush into doing it? Why do you have to propose to her in August?You really need to stop and step back from your plans and ask yourself what it is that you expect and want from a relationship. Just how well do you know this girl? Have you considered that she's not emotionally open because she might just be shy? She's barely more than a kid. And why is it so important that she be so emotional with you in public, if you admit that she meets your rigorous quality testing in private?You, sir, are not ready to marry this woman. I don't think you're ready for marriage yet at all, since you have so many conflicting goals and priorities.The very best thing you could do with this relationship is to back off, soon. Give the poor girl some breathing space, then take some time to get to really know her. Take a year; take two. What's your hurry? When you know what makes her tick, then you won't have to ask why she's not emotionally available to you... You'll know the answer. And isn't that nicer than having to guess?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2005): I'm confused. You say you are not in love with this girl but plan to ask her to marry you?? Maybe that is why she won't open up. Women's intuition and she can tell you are not in love. You may want to reconsider.
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