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female
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lnhutchi
writes: I just found out that my boyfriend of 3 years cheated on me with a random woman he met at a bar. I am shocked, devastated and heart-broken. To give you a bit of background, my boyfriend is a wonderful, kind man. He has been asking me to marry him for 2 years now, but we both agree that we need to wait a bit longer (I'm only 23). Given all of this, and the fact that he never goes out to "party" and doesn't enjoy bars, you can imagine my surprise. There were no serious issues in our relationship. He tells me that he just got wasted and made the "worst mistake of his life." I am at a loss as to what I should do. I've always believed that "once a cheater always a cheater" and I refuse to be treated like that. On the other hand, we are really good together and have a future planned out. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2008): Well after reading all of these situations, I can say I feel a lot better. Heres the WHOLE STORY! Almost two years ago had broken up with my boyfriend of 2.5 years and about a month later I met this guy. Right after I met him we became unseperatable. I had two weeks until I was to move 2.5 hours away for school. During those two weeks we hung out everyday. After I left I would come home every weekend to see him or he would come down by me. There wasn't one weekend we could go without seeing eachother. When I was away he would never forget to call me before he went to bed and we would talk for atleast an hour every night on the phone. I was like head over heels for this guy. I've dated a lot of people and never felt this before. After we dated for about 3 months I made the mistake of driving up to my ex boyfriends cabin 1.5 hours away at 11pm with a friend without telling my boyfriend. While dating my ex boyfriend I helped restore his cabin and it was finally done so I drove up there to see it. I stayed at the cabin until 12am, so like an hour and than drove home. I did nothing with my ex but talk. The next day when my boyfriend came over, I didnt know how to tell him. Eventually I did and he was devestated. After that things got worse between and my boyfriend. We still were crazy for eachother, but it was different. We both really like to go out and drink on the weekends, when I mean drink, I mean drink A LOT. About two months after I went to my ex's cabin my friend told me that my boyfriend had cheated on me with one of my friends. We were both at a party when I had found out. I confronted him and he denied it. He kept denying it and denying it saying he didnt remember. The night that he did cheat on me he was drunker than drunk because I was there. I made him call my friend and see what happened. She said all they did was make out, but still making out is cheating. I was so angry I just did not know what to do. I didnt know if I wanted to be with him. When I finally gave him a chance to talk he cried to me for a long time. I'm not a very strong person so I gave in and took him back. I didn't give him his trust back though. Over the course of the last year since that issued occured I've heard other things and our relationship just turned to crap. He turned 21 and wanted to go out to the bars all the time with friends. I am a year younger than him so I could never go out. We still would hang out sun-thurs and than when fridays came he would bail on me. As to why I dealt with this I don't know. When hes sober hes the nicest guy and we have so much fun together. A little over two months ago from now I was informed that he had slept at a motel with some girl I know from high school after being at a bar. When I found that out, I was more depressed than I'd ever been in my life. We than stopped talking to eachother. It was about a month where we didnt talk for like almost a month nor did we see eachother. One night he called me and came over and we talked and caught up on things. Since than we've been hanging out seldom and talking on the phone here and there. I try to keep my distance but its so hard. He recently did something stupid and got in trouble with the law because of drinking. He had to spend almost two days in jail and was stuck in a room with only a bed. After he had gotten out of jail he told me he realized he messed up and that he needs to change his lifestyle. He now has to change, but also wants to change. He told me that all he thought about in jail was me. I don't know if I even believe any words that come out of his mouth. He said that he wants to be with me, but I don't know if I want to ever be with him. I'm still like head over heels for him and I don't know why after all the bad things hes done to me. I think that now that he can't drink things could be a lot better between us, but I don't know If I want to try again. I've gone through hell and back this past year. I will be 21 soon and I know that I will want to go out and meet new people, but part of me just won't and can't let go of him. What should I do?
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reader, Pegger  +, writes (16 April 2008):
The same exact situation happened to me about 6 six months ago. I found out that my Fiance cheated on me 4 years ago after drinking to much at a bar. I was completely heart broken, I felt betrayed, and so stupid. We've been together for 5 years now. He too, Is an amazing man, and never partied or goes to the bars either. Right after he told my about what happened, I called my mother crying. She told me that my father Did the same exact thing to her when they we're our age, they have now been married 26 years, and have 3 children and 4 grand children. My mom said something I feel you must hear. "Love is built upon forgivness, And to Turely Love someone Completely, You have to be able to forgive." Breaking up is too easy, Its staying together that will truely determine how strong you are. I completely understand how you feel. Right now maybe the loneliest you will ever feel. I hope that what i have typed helps you the way it has me. There will be times in the future that you think about, And you could almost say you hate him. Just force your self to remember why you love him, and Why you should forgive him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2008):
Well, it’s always a shock to find out that your boyfriend, fiancé’, or husband cheated…regardless of it’s the first time or not. Take my story for example; my boyfriend and I are in love. Not the everyday kind of love where we curse each other out and make up weeks after. When he hurts, I hurt, and when he hurts, I hurt as well. We’re connected. He’s like my best friend. Last year after his parents died, things started to get rough for us. Of course one can never say what a man goes through finding out that he’s lost both his parents in the same week, so I didn’t know what to expect. Looking back now, I would say that he was “acting out” a bit. I guess it was his time to “find himself”.
Anyway, back then, he kissed a girl that he was sexually attracted to. He also felt her breasts and the like. He said that he’s never slept with her, and I believe him. And like is said, when you find out for the first time that your lover and your best friend cheats, it crushes. Thought his happened months ago, I found out just a few days ago. The findings had me shivering. I didn’t know how to react. I felt hurt, anger, and resentment (yes, all three) knowing how much I’ve been there for him, remembering how much time, feelings, and tears I had already invested into our relationship, and also because you can catch diseases from just kissing someone (thank God he didn’t catch any). What made it worse was that I found this out on a vacation we were on together. Let that sink in a minute. He didn’t even know that I found out until I brought it to his attention, but before I did, I thought about leaving him and never telling him why I left. After thinking a while, I figured that even though he hurt me, I was gonna be the bigger person in the situation.
First, I forgave him. I let him know that. After I got on the plane home, since then, I never looked back. This is all still “fresh”. We haven’t spoken in like 3 days, and it’s already hard because we talked daily…sometimes more than once. I thought I was ready to deal with it but in reality, I wasn’t. I still am not. I think the best thing for us to do right now is to take this quiet time between us and remember certain things as we do love each other. First, I want to remind myself why I fell in love with him. That way, I’ll remember why we are so special to each other and why we need each other. Second, I want to remember all our happy moments between us both, which will bring a smile to my face. Finally, I would like to pray. Whenever that time comes when we (do) speak again, I’ll try not to remind him of what he did. He already knows, so reminding him all the time won’t solve anything. It would only take my mind back to the situation, which would only cause me to get angry and want to fight about it when I need to be doing the opposite.
Your question is if you should stay with him or not. Well, that’s for you to decide. Think about your relationship. If too many arrows point in the wrong direction, then you know what you need to do, but if many of the arrows point in the right direction, then by all means, stay. By telling you to stay, I’m not implying that what he did was right. What I’ve learned throughout my test is that all men are tempted and not all men are strong enough to say no. a man might love you dearly, but in some cases, their love for you isn’t on the forefront…especially if he’s weak. Also, if you do stay, its gonna be hard at first. You may even find yourself thinking about him kissing her as you kiss him. Whatever you do, please don’t remind him of it. Even if you have to go to the ladies room and get yourself together to keep the piece, do it. Find a counselor if you must, or simply find ways to keep your mind busy so you don’t think on his episode. Only time can heal you. Space apart doesn’t prove anything in some cases like this. It only makes the mind wonder more. Nothing good comes easily, so if you want it, hang in there.
The original post date of this question was July, 07. I’m not sure what became of this couple, but I guess I can go ahead and post this for future couples. Good luck. Wish me the same.
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reader, Emmy-Lou  +, writes (19 March 2008):
 I know exactly how you feel, my boyfriend of 2 years has done the same to me!
The only difference is that my boyfriend has convinced himself that we weren't together when he did it! So as you can guess it's slightly different.
If you honestly believe what he is saying and are ready to risk the possibility that he will never do it again, then there shouldn't be any reason why you shouldn't try and work it out.
At the end of the day lots of people will say that your crazy for staying with him but they aren't always completely aware of how your feeling. So sit down and ask yourself "can i survive without him? Will it be such a problem if we did break?" and lastly "do i still love him after what he's done and can i trust him again?"
Hope this helps and good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): I'm curious to know if you got over this? What has happened now?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): Going through these messages I can realize all the guys that cheated have the same excuses,"I was drunk" "I won't do this again" "That was the biggest mistake in my life" "I don't want to lose you" "I don't know why I did it" ... why do they have to lose the trust we had on them to realize what they had?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): My boyfriend and I were together 1,5 year. I am 21 and he is 30 years old. He travels all around the world for his job and I am still studying. 2 months ago I found out he cheated on me for 3 months. The girl he was cheating with, contacted me and told me everything. Every time he was abroad in the same country, he was with this girl. When I found out, he took the plane and asked me for forgiveness. I slapped him in his face and could not do it. A few hours later he wanted to commit suicide and said he couldn't live without me and he was so sorry for what happened. I found him in the hospital, and saw how hurt he was. The reason why he did it was because I didn't want to settle down. I think I'm too young to get married and have children. I still wanna make a career and travel. He said he thought I cheated and he said I could leave him anytime, because the world is still open for me. We had some hard times, disagreements about important things. I think in the back of my mind, I knew I could leave him for my career. Now, we recently got back in contact with each other. We spoke 7 hours on the phone and I told him everything how I felt. We were totally honest and genuine to each other.. and analyzed our relationship from beginning till end. I could see that he was afraid of loosing me, and that is why he made that mistake. I still love him, as this is my first great love. I don't know if I should stop the contact, forgive him or "stay friends". I know he's sorry. Because he's trying to change himself and try to show me everyday. I just don't want to screw up my life.. because of a man. I know I could not totally trust him again. My friends and family were really involved in the crisis, they came to the hospital and saw me crying everyday. I don't want to disappoint them. I know I could not get back together because my family would just not accept it. Before I was strong and I always said: once a cheater, always a cheater. But now being in this situation, I just don't know what to think anymore? Do you believe in second chances?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008): I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend who I love dearly and who I've been dating for almost 2 years cheated on me a few days ago and I was in shock. He got drunk and slept with a random girl who followed him to a restaurant and then followed him home when he was being dropped of by a freind. I never ever thought this would happen because we have talked about marriage and our future a lot and he already has my engagment ring, just hasn't proposed. I am crushed and I told him that I do not want to date him right now and he had two months. If he can completely quit drinking, which has always been an issue in our relationship, then I will consider taking him back. My sister is telling me I am being stupid for considering him (she was cheated on before and she broke it off immediately) but I love him more than I ever thought I ever could. I know how it is to do something you would never normally do had you not been drinking, which is why I don't drink anymore. Above it all, the drinking is off limits and I think any relationship is better if there is no alcohol involved. He says he will do anything nad he has never felt worse so if that's true, the drinking will stop. The only thing you can do is give it time. Don't make a rash decision because it sounds like you have something special. If you have been with him for 3 years, I think it's worth it to take a few months and see if you can move past this or you need to move. Only time will tell.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): I met what i thought was a wonderful man when i was 23 (we were due to marry) and i thought the world of him.
(He pulled out the wedding 8 months b4 saying he didnt have any money and whilst i gave him the benefit of the doubt my instincts were right; he just couldnt quite committ to me enough or as much as i was prepared to committ to him - he lied big style) We have never been the same and i will never be the same. My outlook on relationships a few later is so different.
My advice is dont go back to a cheater, you will always hurt at what he did and like me you just will not be able to fully trust him, and will always wonder what he is really up to or thinking. At your beautiful age learn from the relationship. I slowly detached myself from my b/f until i felt i was strong enough to finally cope; and leave.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2008): well i am 24 years old, just two months i went through my boyfriends emails and found out that he was still messign around with his ex girl friend. i cried my heart out, i have been with this guy
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007): MEE too i had been with mine for four years and then he started talking and flirting w/ another girl. In the past i had caught him for different things, lieing here and there and revenge was paid...let me tell you. Not that, that is right though. Anyway we also had plans of getting married and having a family, we lived together and I have since then moved away from him. He has begged me to stay with him becuase there is that underlying love, but we live hours from each other now and I don't see how it can work. I did not trust him while we lived together let alone, hours apart. So im confused to,..at the moment we are trying to work things out, but its like anyy day now I feel like I will walk away. I also believe once a cheater always a cheater, and it happened..so i would be stupid to stay right??
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007): You know what, Im going through the same thing right now. I thought that he could never do this to me, we've been together for 5 years and through the kicking and screaming from me telling him to leave, he wouldnt go. He said it was the worst thing he could ever of imagined doing and he was completley trashed. I asked everything down to a T about it: did you like it? Who started it? Where were you? Why didnt your friends stop you? Did you think about me? I mean I asked everything! And to my suprise, the scenerios that were flying through me head were nothing that he said. I believe him. And it kills me everyday to think about it, Im going to approach her, because it is one of his managers at work and hes only 20! and she was 29! I think telling her how shitty of a person she is, even though she knew me, will make me feel better. You may not feel the same way, but maybe it would help. Stay strong, believe that he is sorry and remind yourself that you love him too much to make him feel the way you feel.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007): Hi i can really sympathise with you i know this happened to you a couple of years ago but i would be interested to know how you got through it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2007): It is really crap isnt it. My boyfriend of 8 years left me recently and then i found out/he admitted he had kissed other girls, although says he didnt sleep with them. I think I believe him and nobody has told me different but you just dont know, do you? The not knowing everything and being suspicious which is the worst thing. I genuinely believe that he is sorry and hes not a bad person. We really weren't getting along, but that isnt an excuse, is it? Sometimes I think that if he loves me the way i think he does, what does it really matter. But othertimes the feeling of betrayal and pain is too much. We have been seeing each other in secret but have agreed that we do not want to get back together until we have sorted ourselves out seperately (both have some issues of our own to work through). I hate myself for even considering getting back with him, but i do love him and am not sure i would ever love anyone else as much. And hate the idea of looking like im an idiot to everyone else. Dont know what the answer is, just got to decide if you can ever really forgive and trust again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2007): u got to leave him beause he will do it again your heart will hurt after my x boy friend cheat on me i never dated again don't let him say it wont happien again but it will i was with my for 6years then one it was gone i lost my home and my friends
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2007): u got to leave him beause he will do it again your heart will hurt after my x boy friend cheat on me i never dated again don't let him say it wont happien again but it will i was with my for 6years then one it was gone i lost my home and my friends
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2007): I feel so sick because only 4 hours ago I found out that the man I have been in love with and deeply committed to, open and honest with for 7 years is now seeing someone else. I also found out he lied to me about it. I had noticed that something was different with him and pleaded with him to just tell me the truth. He told me instead that he was having work issues and needed time and space. I knew something was wrong. I have never snooped in people's emails before, but I was in so much pain that I checked his email and there I found the truth.
My body is cold and shakey. I know I will get over it eventually but I feel so incredibly sick.
I left him a phone message to never contact me again. I know I couldn't recover the trust again. It is just too weak to cheat and lie. I deserve better than that.
I read this thing about seeking a partner who has the greatest value you can find. I love that idea.
Cheating and lying are not valuable. Honesty, bravery and kindness are.
I can also say that either the guy is just plain bad news, or there is something in the relationship that really wasn't working and that was their way of coping with it. I think as others of you have said that in certain situations a relationship can recover from an affair, providing there is introspection on both parts and a genuine desire to grow.
I am sad to say that in my case, I think I have a "bad news" one. This is his pattern and I should have not been so gullible and foolish.
I will get better and eventually seek a partner with much higher value.
Thanks for sharing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2007): Two days ago my boyfriend of 4 and half years told me that 8 weeks ago he cheated on me. I am still in shock and completely crushed and heart broken. We were so good together, people would comment on how well suited we were and what a great couple we were. It sounds like many of the stories on here, he went out one night to a club and got so drunk he almost couldn't control himself. The thing that hurts the most is that he can't give me an answer as to why he did it, as he doesn't even know. He says it was a stupid mistake that has potentially cost him the most important person in his life. Before this happened i always thought that i would never be able to forgive someone who could do this to me, but now that it has happened and i am over the initial shock, i can say that i want so much to forgive him and because i want it so much i think i might just be able to do it. I know that its gonna take time and he needs to gain my trust again but my love for him as always been strong and true, and i truely believe i could never love another man the way i love him. So my advice to anyone in the same situation is that some relationships are worth saving and people deserve 2nd chances. Im taking one step at a time and seeing how i feel the only thing i fear is having my hurt broken twice, he promises that he could never do this to me again and having seen the hurt he is going through i think i believe him. I hope so much we can get through this.
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reader, redambition +, writes (16 June 2007):
My boyfriend went to Thailand for two months, we were together six years, when he came back he was different i knew something was wrong he then broke it off sayin he didnt love me. six weks later he met me and told me he slept with a thai girl while he was away. I have no idea why he told me i think he wants to get back together, i love the stupid son of a bitch for all his faults he was never into other girls and very loyal and i'm crushed but i know i'd go back. You know yourself best...queation is can you live without him? be kind to yourself xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): i;m going threw the same thing right now and it hurts me really bad icant eat or sleep we have been together for 5 years and it is really eating me up in side i love this man very much and i have done everything for him i guess u can say when they go out to bars they get in trouble but every dog has there day and i hope he gets hurt to so for u be strong
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2007): So many people are in the same situation and so I am - hence why I came on ere to see what people's advice were. I have been with someone a year but I found out the other day that he cheated on me a few months ago but he lied to me which hurt. But I want to forgive him because I was so happy with him but at the same time would that be asking for trouble? My thoughts are if you feel you can trust him again and you can work it out you should forgive him because the anger will just eat away at you, however if you are still not 100% move on because even though right now it might be the most painful thing ever to let go, it may be the right thing to do in the long run otherwise you may regret it.
The pain is indescribable and I am sorry, but if you do forgive him don't EVER put up with it again, second chance and second chance only. Here I am giving advice and I don't even know what to do myself, lol, good luck x
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reader, queeny63  +, writes (27 April 2007):
WOw!! If after the betrayl you still have thoughts of forgiving him, then do it! If he is asking for forgiveness and in your gut feeling you believe him, the do it! Why have anger and disappointment fester within you. It seems like you love this guy, so forgive...but tell him that it will take quite some time for your trust in him to be regained. My situation is almost similar....i feel lost but he had an interlude with an ex who has a child by him, now she says she is pregnant...by him. He has asked for forgiveness buy his punishment is living with what he did and paying child support!! so have faith in God, and take it day by day!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2007): My boyfriend of one year just recently cheated on me as well. With a girl i have been worried about since the day i met her. My advice to you is as good as anyone elses really...i, just sharing how i feel, maybe it will help. It comes down to me...at this point in my life, he is my best friend, my only family in this big city, and i need him .... i need him, and i want him. Bottom line. So we are working through it, or trying. I think everyone is human, and screw up, i have to be able to forgive once... my man feels terrible, and it kills him to see me hurt, but i know deep down how sorry he is, and how bad he screwed up, he is aware of. happens twice.. then toss him! but life is too short, and if you want to work it out, and you love him, then be with him. but you have to be able to really truly forgive, and forget... move on. look at your relationship, can you see a future? is it worth saving? if so do.. if not.. then choose to differ. There you are miss lady, hope i can help... i know how it feels .. im hurt too.. my thoughts are with you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2007): i think that you should forgive him. he sounds so upset and people do make mistakes. he soulde really sorry and that he really loves you. im of the philosphoy of that if you really trulley love some one you will forgive them, but he needs to no he has to make up for the hurt. when my bf of 8 months now hurts me ( usually i find flirty msn messages, found one today of his x sending him dirty pictures :'( ) it hurts for days and days the pain will come and go but you will get over it. if you think you two are really mean to be together you will forgive him. at the end of the day its you who he wants to be with not this other girl. i no its hard and your probally really confused and upset but you will be more hurt if you let the relationship go to waste. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2007): The fact that he was able to confess to you that he cheated shows that he is an honest person and also shows that he is truly sorry. On top of that it shows that he is unselfish for taking the chance to lose you forever by being truthful. Most guys are too selfish to confess to their girlfriends that they cheated because they don't want to take a chance to loose that person. He is giving you the oportunity to make a decision and it is up to you. If you truly love him and you truly believe he loves you than you should forgive him. Only you know what you two have and if it's worth working on the relationship. However, if you're the type of person that can't forgive than taking him back may be difficult to do. So if you truly love each other and you think that you can forgive him than you should give him another chance.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2007): Dear heart broken,My advise would be don't marry this man anytime soon. I think the fact he is blaming his behavior on alcohol instead of owning up to his mistake is a clear sign. I think you should focus on yourself and your goals at this age. You are still so young. You will change a lot in the next few years. What you want and expect from a man will change. Why go into a marriage with some you can not trust. If you can't trust someone in any situation then you can't trust them. Keep your options open.Wish you all the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2007): Yes i think you can if you give yourself a little time. You should know him better than any one so if you think he is truely sorry and you can trust that he is telling you the truth it is worth a try. It was a horrible mistake and maybe it will bring you closer together in time.
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reader, stars224 +, writes (16 January 2007):
I think if you go with your gut instinct you will find your answer. personally, if my boyfriend cheated on me, I would be inclined to ask myself questions like "do i know this guy as well as i think i do?' and it would be hard not to let something like this eat away at the relationship. If you really can find it within yourself to forgive him, promising yourself not to ever throw it in his face in future arguments you may have, and you feel secure in your relationship, then i think you should stay with him. if there is any doubts in your mind about your future with him, or being able to trust him, whatsoever, it will never work and you will never be happy with him, however hard you may try, as it will always be lingering in the back of your mind. ultimately, you need to protect yourself from hurt. you are the most important person in your life. your health and happiness comes first above all others, remember that when you are making your decision.
good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): By reading your story I feel like this ounce you cheat always a cheater.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2006): You Know what when I read your post I said wow!!!! That is what happened to me really. My boyfriend is out to sea and he was at a bar and did the same thing. He didn't sleep with her but she did something else for him. And he called me and told me about it. He was so upset and called his mom and dad, he even talked with my mom about it. But yes he was the like your man never did the party and bar type. But in my case he is very sorry for what he has done he cried and cried to his mom and mine. He also said that he was drinking a lot but he realize that this was no excuse for what he did. And he told me that he will do anything to make up for the wrong he his done. Right now he is still out to sea and he will be back in Nov. So it's really hard for me just B/c we really can't talk that much about it. But this is the frist time that he did this to me, and people make mistakes. And if your man is really sorry for what he did to you. You need to set rules for him and let him know that he hurt you and if he was to do it again you will walk out the door and not look back. Only if he really shows you that he is sorry and you see that he is trying hard to gain your trust and love back. But he has to show you not tell you. And if you both want to talk to some one for help it would be good. As for me I will make my man sweat it all the way until he get back. And some. B/c really I will make him learn the bigest lession of his life. B/c right now he is sweating it B/c he doesn't want to loss me. So that's what I can tell you it will be hard but in the end you will find it in your heart to forgive him and your relationship will be stronger. I hope it will work out for the both of us.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2006): You Know what when I read your post I said wow!!!! That is what happened to me really. My boyfriend is out to sea and he was at a bar and did the same thing. He didn't sleep with her but she did something else for him. And he called me and told me about it. He was so upset and called his mom and dad, he even talked with my mom about it. But yes he was the like your man never did the party and bar type. But in my case he is very sorry for what he has done he cried and cried to his mom and mine. He also said that he was drinking a lot but he realize that this was no excuse for what he did. And he told me that he will do anything to make up for the wrong he his done. Right now he is still out to sea and he will be back in Nov. So it's really hard for me just B/c we really can't talk that much about it. But this is the frist time that he did this to me, and people make mistakes. And if your man is really sorry for what he did to you. You need to set rules for him and let him know that he hurt you and if he was to do it again you will walk out the door and not look back. Only if he really shows you that he is sorry and you see that he is trying hard to gain your trust and love back. But he has to show you not tell you. And if you both want to talk to some one for help it would be good. As for me I will make my man sweat it all the way until he get back. And some. B/c really I will make him learn the bigest lession of his life. B/c right now he is sweating it B/c he doesn't want to loss me. So that's what I can tell you it will be hard but in the end you will find it in your heart to forgive him and your relationship will be stronger. I hope it will work out for the both of us.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2006): Of course you should forgive him. You must let sometime go by before you do though, just so he knows what it's like to perhaps lose you if he were to it again. If you love him then you'll love him no matter what. Love someone unconditionally or don't love them at all. He made a mistake and he'll make other mistakes, he's human, that's what humans do. Get over it!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2006): I wish I knew what to tell you. I just found out that my boyfriend of 8 months has been cheating on me for 3 months with 2 different women. The catch is that he was doing it on line and through text messaging and hadn't YET met these "women" in person. He swears he's not like this, he hasn't been himself since before we even got together. His parents swear that this is so unlike him, they're just dumb founded. He has been lying to me since the first day we met about his beliefs because what he tells me is wrong and/or sick he's out talking about and asking about with these women. A month and a half before I found out he started seeing a counselor and plans on continuing that even if I don't take him back. I know that as a Christian I should forgive him but my question is how? How do I ever trust him again. I'd never trusted anyone before in my life, this was the first time I'd let my walls down and was completely vulnerable to another person. Any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2006): i have kinda the same story my boyfriend of three years we also have a child together she is one. just told me he cheated on me when i was pregnant and three months ago how do you forgive some one for that i love him with all my heart but it hurts so much to now that he was with two other women im trying really hard to forgive him i just keep in my head that home is were the heart is and to learn to forgive but never forget
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2005): He would have to earn his trust back big time It's so hard cause it takes only seconds to destroy the trust and years to rebuild it. I hope things work out cause my man of three years was always faithful and we too are very compadable but he broke the trust I had for him and every since I question his every move I never wanted to be like that but, if we are to make this relationship work he is gonna have to prove himself over and over again people do make mistakes that's a given but, he has to be patient with you you it won't take over night to trust him again who knows how long it will take. Good luck it is so tuff but you guys can get through it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2005): tell the bastard to go to hell! ditch the flirt, there is a better soulmate out there for you someone who will worship you and only you!!! ditch him girl!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2005): if you too have been in a relationship for 3 years and he said that it was the worst mistake that he made then i think that you should give him another chance 'cause everybody makes mistakes and ya'll have a future palnned out then it would be hard to throw a 3 year relationship away for that only one mistake. W O R K it out your relationship will get better.
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male
reader, pablo88 +, writes (2 November 2005):
its funny that i too am in the sames situation. I was with someonewho broke up with me to sleep with another guy.
Funny thing is later i found out that her parents and family told her to move on. More like forced her to move on because we argue alot. To make her family happy she listened to them and did what she did. After sleeping with the guy three times realized "what am i doing" she tells me that she feels dirty for doing so when in reality she still wants to be with me. Should i take her back?? i still love her.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2005): i have the same problem and its horrible because i love and i know that he loves me too but i just cant stop thinking about what happened we still together but i lost the trust that i had on him we been together for 5 years and i think we pretty good togetherif you to talk to me you can email me at [email address blocked] or [email address blocked] ill love to help you and you can help me too good luck
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2005): I believe that you should look inside your heart and decide what is it you really want.
I have a similar problem. My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for almost 3 years. He cheated on me once before and told me a couple months later. Recently we had a very life changing accident and we are yet to find out the result.After going through this together, I sincerly explainde to him that I need to know if he has cheated. I have asked many times before but the answer was always no. However, with my persistence, he finally told me he has sex with a girl I had heard him speaking to on the phone. This happened months ago. The hurtful thing is that he broght her to his new place where I spend most of my time. We share so many memories there.
I was devastated and hurt. I found this out last week. I have never cheated on him in any way. I have devoted so much to him. I just cannit understand how he could do this to me again.
I broke off the relationship. but went back to him after four days.Its just not the same. I cannot see myself being intimate with him. There are just thoughts of him and this other girl. I do not care if it is one time. I am really hurt. I really feel like ending the relationship |
