A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Here's the deal: Oscar is perhaps one of the most important people to me. He may be just about the only person who has ever been 100% supportive in all my dreams. He always knows just what to say to me, and I dare say that I sometimes know him better than himself. Unfortunately, we sort of fell apart two years ago and it was a painful year and a half for me. Somehow it seemed as if I lost part of myself despite the fact that we had just been friends. And why? Well the thing is, I've always loved him more than he's loved me. Sometimes I wondered whether they were simply feelings of one friend to another, though I know that it's never been anything romantic. A few months ago I reached out to him, in attempts to give a final goodbye and close that chapter of my life. I was ready to move on--he already had. Or so I thought. When I saw him face-to-face, it was almost as if we had never stopped talking. I ended that day in tears as he told me that even though we had gone in different directions, he would love nothing more than to be friends again. Essentially he said everything I had longed to hear. The thing is, I don't know if it'd be wise for me to try to be his friend.I'm terrified of becoming the person that I used to be--moreover I'm terrified of becoming the insecure girl I used to be whenever I was around him. Even though we had a great friendship, it would foster my dependency and low self esteem. Simply put, I invested too much in his company--I placed him on a pedestal. The reason for our "fall out" was that he'd sort of grown apart from me--he had left me and soon began ignoring me. At the time he was immature and going through a rough time but it still hurt.If I'm being honest, there's nothing I've wanted more than his presence in my life but I can't help whether it'd be a mistake to give a try. I know he's changed and I know that I've changed, but sometimes I get the feeling that no one ever really changes. I've loved him for years and I don't know I'd be capable of being his friend without having the same results as years before. Should I just say goodbye as I originally intended? Or should I listen to my heart that begs to have him in my life?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011): "Should I just say goodbye as I originally intended? Or should I listen to my heart that begs to have him in my life?"Niether. Just keep reminding yourself that he just doesn't love you. Everytime he pops into your head or your hearts starts beating faster just remind yourself that your wasting your emotions. He doesn't love you.When you and your heart understand that he doesn't love you identify what abgout him really makes you attracted to him and lay down some ground rules.In my case I wrote letters to my ex and we never allowed ourselves to speak of each others sex life or relationships or emotional needs. We didn't "comfort" each other and we never allowed ourselves to discuss possibilities of relationships. We'd also only contact one every two weeks. This helped us make the transition from lovers to true friends. It really hurts at first (and kinda never stops hurting) but it gets better as time goes on. If you are going through anything similar to what I went through then I truly feel your pain and hope it all works out for the better!
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