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Can I ever be be forgiven for cheating?

Tagged as: Cheating, Faded love, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 April 2008) 8 Answers - (Newest, 22 September 2009)
A female Philippines age 26-29, anonymous writes:

ive been with this man for 3 and a half years.. people say were a perfect couple but they didnt know that it's only because of me , that our relationship last. because everytime we fight, its always me who needs to make the first move.. i felt that it's been only me who's loving him. although i can feel his love but i always end up thinking how can he make me cry when there are lots of men who wont even let me shed a tear.

ive been a crybaby ever since and this is my way of letting my bad feelings out of my system. recently i had a friend whose also in a relationship. we end up flirting each other.. and everytime my boyfriend and i are fighting , he's the one there for me , telling me stuffs like no one should ever have the right to make me cry. that no one's worth my tears. i fell in love with his sweetness. and fell out of love of my boyfriend.

and then things happened.. (intimate ones).

after that i felt that i still love my bf compared to this guy and decided to stop the intimate thing and just be friends. but after a month my boyfriend found out and he wanted to break up with me. i didnt know why i did it. i never thought that i would do such a thing.

i never imagined myself cheating. but things happened so fast. now, after 4 months. im still suffering the consequence of not being with my boyfriend anymore.. i feel like i love him more than before and i hope he could take me back. but i dont know what to do. last thing he sais: no one will ever love you like i do and now it's too late.

View related questions: fell in love, flirt

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A female reader, EmotionallyChallenged New Zealand +, writes (22 September 2009):

Your story is very similar to my own. It's such a hard situation because from what I understand, you weren't getting the emotional support that you felt you needed from him. This led you to the arms of someone else. I think love is a funny thing. Men are less forgiving than women when it comes to infidelity. I was with my partner for 6 years and things have only ended recently. After being caught cheating, I suddenly realised that I loved him and only him. Too bad my flash of insight was too late. I can't tell you that your ex partner will forgive you, I can tell you though that time has a strange way of healing over all hurt. One day you'll discover that you'll cry a little less, think about him a little less and blame yourself a little less. For now- and this is easier said than done... Try to focus on the positive. Buy yourself a cute new dress, get a new hair do... Find ways to make yourself feel beautiful, and always remember, nothing is certain, instead of focusing on what may have been, left life take its course. Everything happens because it's supposed to- when it's supposed to. Hope this helps. Take care and good luck.

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A female reader, heather75 United States +, writes (2 August 2009):

heather75 agony auntMy boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years..we met at work. and he was the man of my dreams for the first time in my life I felt completely whole. I had never had someone who satisfied me in every way I felt so lucky! He wanted me to move in with him 2 years into our relationship and I explained to him that since we worked together I didn't think that was such a great idea at the time and he agreed and was okay with that. 6 months after that conversation he became emotionally and physically withdrawn, he was moody, cold, and he was not the same man I had fallen in love with...and my instincts told me something was wrong..and sure enough I was right. I tried talking to him and he puts up a wall and refuses to talk about it. Everytime I would bring it up he would completely shut down and not say a word to me. I felt like he left me no choice so I started to snoop through his emails, instant messages, and phone and found out he was emotionally cheating with a girl he met online while playing World of Warcraft. My heart was shattered and I could hardly breathe when I read emails and instant messages between him and the girl. I confronted him about it and he denied everything even when the proof was staring him in the face. I didn't want to give up on him so we decided to work it out and things were bumpy but we or so I thought made it through that. I finally moved in with him 11 months ago and he completely stopped showing all affection and we stopped having sex. I would bring up the fact to him that we haven't had sex in awhile and he would always say "I'm too fat" and that would be it end of discussion. I was so frustrated, confused, lonely and starved for affection that I gave into temptation and cheated on him with a friend of mine. Well he found out confronted me and I admitted what I had done and we both agreed to break up. But deep down I just can't let this relationship go...I love him so much and want to try again. Should I try talking to him? Is there any hope for us? Thank you

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2009):

:( I came across this while trying to find advice for myself. My boyfriend after 5 years broke up with me because he suddenly realized that he can never be serious with me and forget what I have done.

I was young and stupid and used to being used my men in the past and treated him just like another guy. I had no idea we were going to be so meant for eachother.. years went by and the subject always came up and ruined every happy moment we had.

It's been 4 months now and I love him and still can't move on. We still see each other but his love is cold for me. I told him I don't want to be with anyone else and only time will tell. I am still waiting for the day he tries again.

It's not a waste of time for me if I know inside I can't be with anyone else.

Follow your heart, if you love someone you will not give up on them, no matter what society say. This is your heart, and your life. x

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A male reader, House United States +, writes (10 February 2009):

I was in a relationship (with a good woman named Jane), which was wonderful except for the lacking of intimate display of affection, for an example there was no kissing, and I was always the one to initiate sexual interaction. This made me very uncomfortable.

In the past I was married to a woman who appeared to share the same values and interests as I did, but after 8 years of being together she told me she never loved me and cheated on me twice, resulting in a divorce.

The next girl I dated, I never let my guard down in terms of fully falling inlove with her at least that is what I unsuccessfully attempted to instill into the relationship. The end result of that relationship, she rejected me after I had pumped in a ton of money in her.

Jane is in her early 40s, and in my mind she was clear as to what she wanted out of life and the relationship she and I had. I knew she wanted a husband, she wanted a child, and wanted a dignified partner to spend her life with.

Even though she did not express herself well in far as and stating how she felt about me but the fact that she seemed have the same value as I did I was willing to over look the minimal display of affection factor.

Needless to say I was left needing. I started an online liaison with an individual with whom I found interesting. We exchanged erotic fantasy banter in email form for a period of two months. no actual physical interaction took place.

Never the less after I proposed marriage to Jane I decided to cut off the correspondence with my email pal. And that was the end of it and so I thought. But two months after the fact Jane came across the entire batch of emails exchanged, and today she won’t even take my calls.

I love Jane more than I did before, mainly because I think I had already resolved and was at peace with the fact that she, Jane expressed herself very different than the way I was accustomed to when it come to romance.

Can cheaters like myself ever be forgiven? How do we regain the trust?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008):

I've been cheated on and my ex is now with the same guy, there is never an excuse for cheating and really you can never forgive someone for cheating. If you felt unhappy in the relationship you should have talked to him. I think if he did forgive you for cheating it wouldn't be fair on him. He may have been an arse but he feels useless and betrayed now. It may have made him see the error of his ways but he will never forgive or thankyou for it.

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A male reader, maxsteel86 United Kingdom +, writes (6 April 2008):

maxsteel86 agony auntwell sorry that I have to be an ass here cos no one else will for sure. Here's the thing, we dont KNOW how you was treated, being told you'd never cry in a relationship is just total BS and actually expecting to never cry or feel upset in one is just an ideal situation that never occurs in real life.

Your friend was in a relationship already but he chose to sleep with you, he just said the things he did in order to take advantage of you or something but he sounds like a creep too.

There are no excuses for cheating. There are excuses for breaking up and you obviously had a good one there. Well it doesn't matter now. You were both jerks to each other in a crummy relationship. Forget about wanting his forgiveness, you probably never will get it. Just learn from this experience and move on. No need to believe his final words to you either, they were just desperate words designed to hurt you back. Find someone nice, but seriously, dont expect to never feel upset cos it will happen

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008):

i can empathise entirely with you. Been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years and have always thought that i've not been treated right. In a relationship you feel like you should be treated like a princess. I have supported my man financially and emotionally throughout and never got anything back. Last year i met someone who paid me so much attention and made me feel good. We slept together once. I realised straight after that i loved my boyfriend, so i told him what happened. the first few months of being treated like dirt felt like just punishment. Nearly a year later i still obviously havent been forgiven. Now i am thinking that after i put so much into the relationship that i should be forgiven. Because of my partner i have lost all my friends and £15000 of my own money to support him. I am now at the point where i am totally submissive to him. I am stuck in this relationship and can't get out because i feel it is unfair to him. I don't know if my answer will help you, but be aware that your need for forgiveness may make things harder in the future. God bless x

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (6 April 2008):

You cheated for a reason, because your boyfriend was making you cry and feel worthless. He sounds like an idiot. Telling you that he was the only one who would love you like that, was a mean and horrible thing to do.

But you know what - if his idea of loving you was to make you cry all the time, then it's really good that you will not be "loved" like that again.

You are worth more than that and you are far better without your boyfriend.

Find a man who will love you and make you happy and never make you cry again. They are out there!!

Good Luck!! xx

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