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Can dating profiles be cloned over multiple sites or is my boyfriend lying?

Tagged as: Cheating, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 October 2014) 20 Answers - (Newest, 21 October 2014)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Hi all,

So I have been going out with my boyfriend for 18 months and we met on a dating site. 2 months into our relationship I found he was still logging in to pof the site we met on and my only dating site I joined. He said that can't be right he hadn't logged in, it must be pof mix up making out he had logged in when he had'nt. I believed him.

Then 2 weeks ago I went on holiday for a week and came back to find an open imessage on my ipad which had private pictures of him and a strange girl I did'nt know, with sex chat to boot. I confront him and he says it was when we split up for a month in July but there was recent messages he says "They were innocent messages and he was wrong to keep chatting to her after we got back together" But.... something does not sit well with me.. So, I turn into a detective, I google his username and OMG!! There is adult sites, swinger sites, dogging sites, web cam sites and 6 dating and purely hook up sites.. I join them all and there he is!! All info correct and penis size correct and the one that hurts the most 'willing to travel' He travels alot for work.

I confront him with the evidence on my computer, he does'nt know what they are.. He says someone must have cloned his account. He says he has had bank charges from porn sites he's never used as well, and says this all must be linked. But... my question is this possible???? The profiles all have the same pictures, info and even found a few profiles with different locations, locations from where he is from originally AND places where he has worked. Also some of the sites tell you when he joined, some have 2011, 2012 and (2013) when we started going out.. But he is denying everything. Am I being dumb here? Or can someone clone your dating profile and use across many different sites? I am utterly devastated, I hav'nt been able to sleep or eat, I want to believe him but the evidence is striking. Please help people put this into perspective for me. Can cloning/hacking of profiles actually happen?

View related questions: got back together, on holiday, penis size, porn, split up

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A female reader, Tiree United Kingdom +, writes (21 October 2014):

Wow! Honeypie! You are good! You must have a crystal ball or something! The profiles he's admitting to are OF COURSE all old!....

His numbers are blocked, I have no social media what so ever and I have copy & pasted e-mails into a word document so I can go back & read if I ever get weak & need to remember the lies he's spun me.

I only have the SLIGHT problem of, that he lives at the end of my street! I can literally SEE his window out of my window & vice versa! Grrr.. This one might be slightly hard to overcome as we both own our own flats/apartments.

BUT, I do have the saving grace of just finishing my masters degree & have the option to apply for jobs outwith my city.. Until then I shall just have to keep my blinds/curtains closed.....

I actually proper laughed for the first time with a friend last night! Laughed at my stupidity, my willing to believe his ridiculous stories. No more tears shall be shed over this manipulating liar. I WILL love & TRUST again & believe or not I am excited about it.

I have joined dearcupid & I hope I can use my experience of this to help others. Because everyone's advice has been invaluable & has got me through what could have been a very toxic relationship. I really mean it when I say THANK YOU to everyone.

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A female reader, Staceily United States +, writes (21 October 2014):

Staceily agony auntYeah just as I predicted. He would start telling small half truths but not letting out the whole truth, thinking this would make you start to believe he is honest. And the 'truths' he is telling you are small and meaningless so you won't be too mad. So typical. Glad you are moving on from this and we helped you to see through his crap :)

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (21 October 2014):

Honeypie agony auntWow, well your follow up didn't REALLY surprise me at all. Of course he would be mad at you for thinking he could be passing along STD's - I mean no one would want that "label" put on them. And NO big surprise that "some" of the profiles WERE/ARE his they are OF COURSE just old.....

And going from aggressive angry e-mails to more subtle nicer ones, it a TYPICAL manipulations trick. He was hoping by ATTACKING YOU first you would waiver in your resolve or maybe even believe that he is SO mad because it's ALL so untrue... Then throw in a nicer e-mail to make you think he will "forgive" you for making the mistake... VERY manipulative move.

I agree, with Ciar. Make a folder where his e-mails will go, so you won't see any more from him. And seriously DO NOT waste time replying or defending yourself. HE dug himself a hole, jumped in and expected you to jump in too. Now that you are NOT, he might TRY his best to "woo you" or he will begin "silent treatment". Either way IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE should be your response. Block him number, remove, block, unfriend him from Facebook and other social sites. JUST REMOVE him.

Whatever you two had, it's over. And GOOD riddance to him.

And please NO matter what, DO NOT blame yourself for NOT KNOWING what kind of guy he is. Guys like that are VERY good at hiding their true nature. Otherwise all they would be able to pick up were the kind of women you don't exactly bring home to mom.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (20 October 2014):

Ciar agony auntI got a bit of a chuckle reading your follow up. 'Ok then, as long as the dating/hook up profiles were real...'

he really is quite pathetic, but OP, he's also, in my opinion hazardous to be around. He's unstable and dishonest.

Glad to hear you're more confident about leaving him behind. Do yourself a favour and make it easier by completely blocking him. Save whatever emails and messages he's left in case you ever need evidence (somewhere you don't have to see them every day) then delete and block and don't look back.

You dodged a bullet here. Breathe a sigh of relief.

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A female reader, Tiree United Kingdom +, writes (20 October 2014):

Good morning Aunts,

Well I have woke up to find a barrage of emails from him, the first few were well, very angry rants with the basic message of, to put it very mildy 'get lost'. He was absolutely fuming at the STD comment & said he would never have cheated on me.

Then the following ones were sorry he was so nasty in his first few emails, as his emails went on his story has now changed!!

He's now saying he didn't deny that ALL the profiles were fake, some of them were real that he set up before we were going out & he hasn't been using them, he still insists that the adult/swinging/dogging/webcam ones were ALL fake. Only the dating/hook up ones were real. Eh! Well! That's ok then, as long as the dating/hook up ones were real, what a lying idiot! This actually confirms everything everyone has posted on here & his lies are getting more & more ridiculous.

Thank you guy's for your support, I know if I hadn't have posted this question I would have believed him & been a weak, sad push-over that would have taken him back. Am staying strong & kicking his butt to the kerb! He can troll for as much sex as he likes, he's not my problem anymore..

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A female reader, mystiquek United States + , writes (20 October 2014):

mystiquek agony auntGood girl..now just stay strong. You are going to be fine. You already had doubts, you just needed others to back up what you were feeling. Tisha1 and Ciar brought up a very good point, please heed their advice. Don't weaken and and go ANYWHERE alone with him. That is very creepy and gives me chills. I didn't pay close attention to that but after reading what the other aunts wrote...its very disturbing that he would state that in that way. Just stay strong, OP. Cut all contact. Protect yourself.

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A female reader, Tiree United Kingdom +, writes (20 October 2014):

Hey well. I have emailed him back & told him I don't believe him, I have said that when he sat and emailed these websites to say the profiles were'nt him, that it is too suspicious that he didn't email them with his normal gmail account, he used his WORK email.. Also, I wrote what would someone make fake profiles for FREE dating/adult sites? There would be nothing to gain as everyone has pointed out.

I also copied & pasted a few of your replys to him but changed up the words to make it look like I was writing it, hope you guys don't mind.. But hearing this from people that don't know him has helped me put this in perspective.. Everyone that does know him, doesn't believe it either which has made it even more difficult....

I also put at the end of my email to him 'on Tuesday I shall being going to get checked for STD's, enjoy camping alone!'

Now I just have to stay strong..

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (20 October 2014):

Tisha-1 agony auntI had the same thought as Ciar. Don't go anywhere with this guy without telling someone where you are and certainly not without access to your phone.

Just end it, OP, he's a sleaze and a cheat.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (20 October 2014):

Ciar agony auntThis may be paranoia, but I got a weird feeling when I read that he'd invited you to camping with 'no phones or computers'.

He's trying to lure you out in the middle of nowhere and away from help.

Please don't go, OP. I could be wrong, but I see more bad coming from this than good.

Please tell the people close to you, your friends and family what has been going on because I don't trust this guy at all. Surround yourself with people who have your back.

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A female reader, Tiree United Kingdom +, writes (19 October 2014):

Hey guys,

These are great replies thank you.

You'll ALL right, the fact that I have even posted this and I have never posted on anything like this before is me trying to make sense of all this.

And your right Honeypie! I'm not trusting my instincts and it's because I really do not want to believe he would not do this to me.

And Staceily another correct comment, 'his excuses make no sense at all' I keep seeing the images of his many profiles, especially the one of a swingers and dogging site, it has a private video of him which I couldn't access unless he approved me but he has deleted now so al never know what the private video was of him doing! Uh! I feel sick to my stomach again!

Strangely, when he emailed some of the sites to say the profiles weren't him, him trying to prove he didn't set them up, he emailed them off his WORK email NOT his gmail email account. I am now thinking why his work email? Why would he use his work email for such sensitive things?

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A female reader, mystiquek United States + , writes (19 October 2014):

mystiquek agony auntIf I were you I wouldn't go on a camping trip, I'd get myself in to see a medical professional STAT...he's lying...lying..lying. Some people seem to believe that they are good liars...that they can say anything and convince someone that they are telling the truth..even when all the evidence is right in front of them. This is the crap your boyfriend is trying to pull on you. Please don't buy it. He's lying, probably cheated and will continue to do so as long as you are willing to fall for it. Think of your emotional and physical well being and take care of yourself. Good luck

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (19 October 2014):

Honeypie agony auntYou already know he is full of dog-doodoo. That is why you're here asking. Because you for whatever reason DO NOT trust your instincts (and you really should).

SOME people MIGHT have taken his info, but if the e-mail address is his, WHAT would they get out of "cloning" his profile? I mean they wouldn't get the dates or the money, now would they?

I know you REALLY want to believe him, you really WANT him to be a good guy, to be the "good guy" he originally sold you on. But, sorry he isn't.

He is a he-whore who uses dating sites to troll for sex.

I hope you are SMART enough to know you can do better and I sincerely hope you get checked out for STD's. Who knows what he can have passed on to you, if he is as promiscuous as he seems to be.

His invitation for going camping is his LAST attempt to try and make you think he actually gives a flys fart about you. He is hoping by taking you off camping and telling you he LUBS you, you will forgive and forget (mostly the forget part). So he can continue his lifestyle without you interrupting.

There is a fine line between not wanting to see the "bad" in people and being ignorant.

I wouldn't go camping, I'd end it.

I doubt you will dump him. But either way, good luck.

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A female reader, Staceily United States +, writes (19 October 2014):

Staceily agony auntYou want to believe what is he saying, even though it makes no sense at all logically. You are trying to convince your brain that it's true so you won't have to face you are with a liar and you need to leave. Obviously you are scared of losing him and are willing to convince yourself of the impossible to avoid breaking up and moving on.

The guy is a liar. He is a manipulator. He is playing you for a fool by trying to convince you of this utter nonsense. You really should be insulted that he would even try to feed you such a line of crap. These accounts are linked to HIS email address. By his statement, someone found out his email, hacked it, then went about creating numerous fake profiles with all of his exact information. Why? What reason does a stranger have to do that?

All of that is moot. You know he is lying, you know it in your gut. These were just simple questions to point out how stupid the entire lie is. He has been hooking up or at the very least trying to hook up with other girls for 18 months. You were faithful and a loyal girlfriend, he is a cheating lying sack of garbage. He won't admit even now what he has done, he continues to manipulate you as if you were dumb as a rock. He is playing on how you feel for him and doing it very well. Imagine for a second that someone you were close to posted this question to you, a girlfriend or a family member. What advice would you give them?

I'm sure you will attend this camping trip with him. And I'm sure he will feed you more crap. If I were to guess, I'd say he will come clean about a tiny amount of it (enough to make you think he's now honest) and will probably give you an insight to his feelings for you. May even drop the L word, then you can think he's serious and this is so unlike him so he must mean what he says... All a great distraction from 18 months of cheating on you. He knows what he's doing. He's the typical cheating player. I hope for your sake that you stop falling for it and wise up.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2014):

Hi guys,

Again thanks for your reply's please keep them coming I can actually feel myself getting stronger with each one, and I keep re-reading them telling myself 'stop being so gullible'

There has been a development, he is still not admitting setting up these profiles but he has e-mailed me asking me to go camping with him on Tuesday with no phones, no computers & says he wants to open up to me, this is a guy that in our 18 month relationship has never told me he loves me, he is devoid in serious convos & is actually uncomfortable when he tries, but he does show me he loves me in gifts, doing up my flat, dinner etc.. That is love right? Uh! am cringing at the sound of myself. Why is this so hard? Does anyone think I should go camping?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2014):

He's like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar but still lying that it wasn't them.

The fact that he's lying is insulting to your intelligence. It shows that he takes you for an idiot. It also means that for him this is a game where he only needs to win the argument without any thought about trust in the relationship . His lies mean that he's far from remorseful.

You might want to get tested for sexually transmitted infections.

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A male reader, Mark1978 United Kingdom +, writes (19 October 2014):

Mark1978 agony auntIm sorry but your being very naïve and too trusting here. as someone who has used internet dating sites for a number of years I cant tell you he is lying.

Mark

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2014):

Hi,

Thank you for your replies, the thing is I know he's lying but I don't believe he's lying if that makes any sense in this crazy rollcoaster of emotions.. He is swears down that someone has copied his profiles. He's getting angry at the dirty imessages was from July when we split up for a month and he also swears down that the messages after July were innocent & he was wrong to keep chatting to her. All I know is I went on holiday all happy & trusted him 100% to then find these messages then go crazy psycho detective. And end up joining all of these accounts, which some are very very easy to delete but some are very hard to delete like zoosk, left 3 phone messages and still not heard back from them, also mingle2 that I've emailed twice still hav'nt deleted my account. But all that's besides the point, the point is do I believe his profiles were cloned? And if so, how did the cloner know his home town, where he lives now and where he has been working.. That is the ultimate question.. Uh! This stuff ain't easy to get your head around.

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A female reader, WhenCowsAttack United States +, writes (19 October 2014):

He is full of it. He is lying, and likely having multiple hookups when he goes away. This guy is a player and a liar. I hope you aren't having unprotected sex with him!

The only thing worse than a liar is a liar who won't come clean even when presented with indisputable evidence. Someone who keeps up the lie no matter what. He is a manipulator and a snake, and his stories are so ridiculous they make him look like an idiot as well.

Hope you show him this. Send him in to try to defend himself! We'll tear him a new one.

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A male reader, no nonsense Aidan United Kingdom +, writes (19 October 2014):

Even if it could happen, what about the iMessages on the iPad?

Did some-one make all those up too?

I’m afraid his story is simply implausible. Supposing some-one was actually doing this, wouldn’t he have seen the emails confirming his registration? Wouldn’t pretending he’d forgotten his password allow him to reset it, in order to delete his accounts? Didn’t he get in contact with his bank when he was supposedly being charged for pornography services that he hadn’t used? Because I wouldn’t regard that as trivial and would change my card details immediately.

I can’t believe for one moment one person can be this unlucky, or that a faker somehow manages to correctly guess every location that your boyfriend frequents. I’m afraid I don’t believe him either, and if he finds it upsetting not to be believed, perhaps he should have thought about that before he started messaging other girls.

I wish you all the very best.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (19 October 2014):

Ciar agony auntHe's lying.

Hackers intent on stealing his money would not give a fig about arranging hook ups for him. He's the only one who stands to benefit from all these accounts.

Why would competing dating/hook up sites be so eager to share all this customer information with one another?

You had to join each of these sites one by one and your information wasn't cloned. That's the way it is for everyone else so why is it different for him?

Check the history of your own recently created profiles and see how it matches up with your actual use. You'll find that it's accurate.

Try shutting down your accounts and see how easy it is, then ask yourself why he can't seem to do it.

We've received MANY questions just like yours, OP, and they're ALL submitted by the girlfriend (and occasionally the boyfriend) of the suspect partner. They're NEVER submitted by the innocent boyfriend (or girlfriend) whose information has been compromised and who then discovers they have dating profiles they didn't set up.

I understand you want to be absolutely sure before you take permanent action so let me tell you, you can absolutely sure he is lying.

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