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Can anyone tell me why my mother is behaving this way? I'm 22 but she acts like she does not trust me.

Tagged as: Family, Health, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 August 2015) 1 Answers - (Newest, 30 August 2015)
A female United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Hello all,

I am a 22 year old female college student living at home with my mom. As much as I would love to move out, I can't because my tuition is where almost all of my paychecks are going. My mom and I have always been close, and we've never really had any major problems, until now. I have just started my final year of college, and things have drastically changed. My mom wants to know everything! Every time I receive a text, she wants to know who is contacting me and for what reason. Because of this, I keep my phone on vibrate. If she sees me getting ready to go out, whether it be to work or out with friends, she is in a bad mood, giving me attitude and will text me while I am gone asking what I'm doing. I respond politely with, "I'm at work," or "Out with friends." I have caught her in my room going through my things several times which has led to big fights. What is she looking for?! She is constantly telling me that she knows I am not a virgin, and constantly accusing me of having a boyfriend.(I do have a boyfriend but will not tell her or bring him home because of the way she is). It just seems as if she has no trust in me, and I do not know why.

She will not even give me my mail, she will either open it herself or put it away somewhere. I now have my mail sent to my brother's house.

If I am in the bathroom longer than 10 min, she knocks on the door and accuses me of texting someone in there! Her behavior is really irritating and annoying and she is driving me crazy. I love her, but there is no privacy when she is around. If I get a phone call, I'll go to another room to answer it, and there she goes following me, wanting to know who I am talking to and for what reason. Just recently, at a family gathering, she saw a photo of me on social media standing next to a male friend, and in front of everyone she became angry and told me that I had better not get pregnant. I was so embarrassed and everyone was stunned.

Most of my friends are male, but that doesn't mean that I am sleeping with them. If I tell her that I am going over to my brother's house, she will call him to verify that I am there. We are constantly fighting because she treats me like a child.

She does not trust me and assumes I am up to no good. I confided in my brother and he said that it's a control factor, and she wants to be in control. I go to school, I come home. I go to work, I come home.

I go out with friends, I come home. I go out with my boyfriend, I come home. I am not doing anything wrong. I seriously wish I could move out on my own, but as I said before, it is not an option at the moment.

Can anyone please tell me why my mom is acting this way? I love her with all my heart but I am really fed up with her behavior.

I feel like I am constantly being watched and monitored. What should I do? Thank you all in advance.

View related questions: at work, living at home, text

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada + , writes (30 August 2015):

janniepeg agony auntShe's lonely and is trying to grab onto whatever relationship is left between you two. She's well aware that one day you would get married and she would be all alone. The more you shut her out the more she pries into your business. I suggest you share your life with her but stop once she gets in a bad mood. When she's friendly again then you can talk. If you find that she's opens your mail and your belongings then tell her that's not a way to build trust. She's the one acting like a helpless child and being needy too. She demands things now and you need to show her a better way to communicate. Tell her you want to get along but she needs to be the warm, inspiring mother and not like a controlling nutcase. Answer her questions in a diplomatic, matter of fact way. When you hide things from her that only fuels her suspicion. You can hang on to your right to privacy as an adult all you want, but that does not help things. She is using the fact that you depend on her rent free to know your life story. She wants to feel like she can give you advice on men and be entertained. Let her, it won't harm you. If she talks stupid in front of family she's the only one embarrassing herself. I am sure your family members know her all too well.

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