A
male
age
36-40,
*obert
writes:i round about asked this girl out. and she said she would get back to me about it as soon as she could.can someone shine some light on what she means?all she said was "i'll get back to you about wensday".because thats when i offered to buy her dinner and just sit and talk. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, maverick  +, writes (9 May 2007):
 The easiest way to develop trust and ease offf any pressure they may feel, is to spend "convienient" time together. This will help make her feel comfortable around you.
First if you are concerned about being blown-off don't! Abandon that date - you can retreat with your ego intact and try again later. You should be calm and relaxed around her. Try to see her during breaks, or whatever to "bump" into her randomly - don't over do it. Chat pleasantly, make her feel important in the conversation by asking her open questions (How, what, where, when, why) then follow up on what she says to let her talk about herself - if she's interested she will ask questions about you. Just don't interrogate her. Smile at her and keep a good level of eye contact.
Avoid mentioning going out... at all... for now - if you think she won't respond well. Take your time. Keep conversations short and sweet and leave her smiling. After a week or two of random conversations, she should be comfortable with you and it will definately ease off a lot of pressure on her if you invite her out then.
Of course whether or not you do this already is beside the point... do this anyway and keep going - just don't over do it so you become her guy-friend.
Good luck
A
male
reader, bobert +, writes (7 May 2007):
bobert is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the help.
the thing is she is ok in group settings but i decided to try to get her alone with me for dinner and she says she will get back to me.
but i think your right i think i might of put to much pressure on her and now she is nervous.
can you help me fix it?
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A
male
reader, maverick +, writes (7 May 2007):
That is very tricky.
In my personal experience it is usually a delay to find a reason to blow-off. Usually.
There are other things to consider:
- You're approach in asking her
- She may not know what she is doing this week
- She doesn't know how to say "no" politely
- She may have had other people around at the time and became conciencious of she would appear infornt of them
Goven that she said she'll get back to you on the day you're supposed to be going out it seems likely somehitng will "come up".
Here's a very good way to go out with someone. DO NOT ASK A GIRL OUT! INSTEAD OFFER HER TO JOIN YOU!
1 - "Hi would you like to go out with me to the cafe for lunch sandwiches?"
2 - "Hi, I'm heading to the cafe for lunch to get some sandwiches. Would you like to join me?"
With (1) you have put a lot pressure on her to decide whether she likes you enough to spend some time with you. But with (2) she doesn't feel like there is much pressure on her.
So what happens if she says no to (1)? Everyone will feel a bit embarassed. If she says no to (2)? Then you carry on and go to the damn cafe during you lunch break. No loss - you were going to go anyway weren't you? You're life is independant of hers so she won't feel bad and you've relieved so much pressure. Showing a girl that you have an indepent attitude is great and also when you next see her (if she's interesed) she can ask about your lunch. Most of all (2) provides a harmless get out clause.
Oh and please don't offer to buy her a meal - or just don't say it out loud - you'll make her feel guilty. Or for any matter don't concetrate to much on the activity - just make sure you both have a good time.
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