A
female
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anonymous
writes:hey aunts please can you help me.i have been chattin to this guy over the net and on the fone since well before christmas and we have saw each other on webcam a few times.we have decided that we want to meet each other and we are goin to soon.i am goin to stay at his for a weekend.(he stays about 4 hours from me) im taking 1 of my friends (he said this was fine) with me purely because im nervous and take panic attacks in new places when im on my own and feel more comfortablebut the thing is im not sure how my dad is goin to take me dating someone off the net. i want to get him up here for the weekend before i go to his so he can meet my dad and put my dads mind at ease. my dad doesnt know about him, he thins me and my mate are away to her stepmums for a drinking weekend,im 18 and old enough to go with whoever i choose but my dad still treats me like a little kid when it comes to guys (i still live with him you see).2 of my sisters are happily engaged to guys that they have met off a chat site on their mobile (1 wedding is in june this year and the other sister is expecting with her fiances child who she met on the mobile net). i think is worse because if someone sends you a photo then they could have easily just took a picture from a magazine or something, where-as i have seen my guy on webcam which you cant fake.can anyone please tell me how i can approach my dad about this and convince him i know what im doing? (which i do know what im doing im just stuck on what to say to my dad and how to say it!)as much help as possible would be great x
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male
reader, WizardOfWaz + ♥, writes (8 April 2008):
 Hmm I can see your problem here.
"i am goin to stay at his for a weekend.(he stays about 4 hours from me) im taking 1 of my friends (he said this was fine) with me purely because im nervous and take panic attacks in new places when im on my own and feel more comfortable"
Ok fine, it is unusual to spend a weekend with someone you have never met, although not unheard of, but I can see your difficuilty in trying to explain this one to dad!
"i want to get him up here for the weekend before i go to his so he can meet my dad and put my dads mind at ease."
I think that is an excellent idea. Even better if the person you are meeting is in full agreement with it.
"my dad doesnt know about him, he thinks me and my mate are away to her stepmums for a drinking weekend"
Well it sounds like you are having second thoughts and now planning on letting dad know where you will be. Good.
"im 18 and old enough to go with whoever i choose but my dad still treats me like a little kid when it comes to guys (i still live with him you see)."
Yes you can do what you choose although always a good idea to keep Home Base One informed where you are no matter who you are living with. If at the end of the day you choose to do your own thing then fine. But not at the expense of not letting dad know where you are.
That is a lack of respect and would drive him mad with worry if there was an accident or something that delayed your homecoming and he didnt know where you were.
So your approach to dad should be just tell him straight where you are going, and ask for his assistance (as you planned) for your safety and his own peace of mind.
Unlikely he is going to give you a big hug and say "Good luck princess!", but he may compromise. If he doesn't and you decide to go ahead anyway, at least he will know where you are.
Good luck.
Waz
A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu + ♥, writes (8 April 2008):
 Your meeting this guy for the first time and planning to spend a weekend together this is a BAD idea i know your taking your friend but still its not very safe, meet him in a public place for a day then theres no pressure to have sex and you canget to know him without your friend hovering around, the easiest way to tell your dad is just come right out and say it your 18 so your an adult he cant really do anything to stop you, daughters are princesses to their dads he just doesnt want you to get hurt, i think you should meet this guy during the day then another day bring him to your dads and then stay over, dont lie about staying over when you do that you always get found out (trust me on that)just be honest he will respect you more if your honest
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2008): maybe the other reply didnt read your question properly so thats why you got what looks like a very unhelpful and interfering lecture about your private life. you are asking how to tell your dad not how to deceive him and thats a wise decision on your part.well i cant see anything wrong with being up front and telling him it just as you have written, your dad will apreciate you telling him you are wary and have covered all the bases for your own safety but still asking for his involvement just to be extra sure. i think it is a very sensible decision to want to ask your dad to help out here and cant see him objecting. so you have nothing to worry about telling him.
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A
female
reader, Annalisa + ♥, writes (8 April 2008):
 Why not meet up with this lad in a public place first?
You are rushing into bed with someone you've basically never met. You've never seen his behaviour around his or your friends.
I would go out to dinner, first. If he lives too far, let him come see you first. He can stay at a hotel.
He could come to your house to meet your dad, then you could go out.
Only when you are happy that he's a nice guy and your dad likes him enough, go to stay at his and tell your dad you are doing so.
You shouldn't lie to your parents: what if something was to happen to you? It might have nothing to do with your boyfriend, you could just eat an off pepper and die, and your dad would find out the last thing you said to him was a lie.
Sorry to sound so extreme! I've just done the whole telling my dad I was at a friend's house thing and it's just not nice.
My point is just that if you are going about your relationships the right way, you should have nothing to worry about.
God bless you and good luck!
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  + ♥, writes (8 April 2008):
 I wouldn't recommend going away to a person's house that you don't know. You aren't having panic attacks about just being in a new place, it's your common sense kicking in! You SHOULD be afraid to meet someone for the first time by going to their house for the weekend. He's virtually a stranger. You are putting your friend into an unknown situation as well here. I noticed that you also did not mention his age. If you want to convince you Dad, then bring him and a friend and meet at a coffee house somewhere in the middle; between your place and his. Get to know him a bit better on several short day trips before you put your safety into this person's hands. Even if you think you know that he is a nice, safe guy who you can put your trust and faith in for both you and your friend's safety - You might find that you may be fed up, uncomfortable or even bored to tears if the weekend is a bust and you've gone out there for nothing, so get to know him a lot better first. Most adults start out by meeting for lunch or coffee, then lots of dinners BEFORE they go away for a weekend together. If your "Spider-Sense" is tingling, pay attention to it.
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