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Can a single man genuinely love and accept a woman who has children?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Crushes, Family, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 January 2015) 7 Answers - (Newest, 14 January 2015)
A female Canada age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I am in the process of reconsidering my marriage due to a lot of mental abuse. I have told my husband about this. A few months ago I made an acquaintance with a man and he knew I was married and have 2 children. The fact that I have children did not bother him one bit! I was actually surprised! He has let me know he is serious about pursuing this further and encourages me to follow my heart and leave my marriage if that is what I want. He is willing to wait for me until the dust settles but tells me not to wait too long as life is short.

Is it possible that a single man be able to love a woman with 2 children? He encourages me to start my life fresh with him, and easily accepts that I have children. I always thought that single moms had a hard time being accepted by men who have no children? It almost seems too good to be true or he is a God send.

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A male reader, BrownWolf Canada +, writes (14 January 2015):

BrownWolf agony aunt

First of all...GOD will never send anyone to break up your marriage...In fact he did say "do not commit adultery." That being said...What have you done to make your marriage better???

People love to believe that when you have problems in your marriage, the best thing to do is get a divorce, instead of fixing the problem.

What is the difference between dating and marriage?? THE VOW!!! No marriage goes untested once you say that vow. Life is going test you to see if you meant what you said. That is why most relationships change after you get married...testing time.

Unless you and your husband have done everything in your power to fix the problems in your marriage, you have no reason to leave.

That is like having a flat tire on your car, and instead of fixing the flat tire, you go out and buy a new car.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2015):

While I can not speak for every guy out there I can tell you that I married a woman who had 3 children from a prior marriage. She recently passed away however she was the love of my life. The answer to your question is yes.

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A male reader, Xearo Trinidad and Tobago +, writes (13 January 2015):

It is extremely possible for men to completely accept women even if they have kids. A lot of men don't even see this as anything negative but something instead to look forward to. I think, though, you should slow down and do one thing at a time. Leave your marriage first, not because of another but for your own reasons. Then you try to pick yourself back up and get adjusted so that you can have the room for someone else in your own life.

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A female reader, Sincerely Yours United States +, writes (13 January 2015):

Sincerely Yours agony auntI was a single mom for a couple of years and had absolutely no problems with that. The only guy who cared was far too young to be coming on to me. He took my appearance for much younger. Don't worry about being accepted to someone else. Let someone treat you well as you deserve.

~SY

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (13 January 2015):

chigirl agony auntIn my experience they have no problem with a woman having children. However, the degree of involvement with the children will vary. Not all wish to be a step-dad. Some love to be the "buddy" or uncle sort of, others want to be a step dad in the future and take responsibility, others again accept the children, but don't want much to do with them and remain only "mommy's friend".

Watch out though, if your kids are young and your man only wants to be your boyfriend and not have any involvement with the children. Because that hurts, the children will feel rejected and there will be resentment and arguments. As long as the children still live at home, actually, a new love interest will always benefit from being involved at least at a minimum level, as it will ease a lot of tension.

He's not dating only you, he also needs to form a relationship with your children, in one way or the other. As long as you do not live together he can stay in the periphery, and kids will be fine with it. But if it comes down to moving in together he WILL need to take on more of a step-dad role. That's mandatory, or else your kids will resent you and there will be nothing but arguments and pain. I speak from experience, as my mothers boyfriend moved in with us when I was 12-13, and he wanted NOTHING to do with us, and it was a really shitty situation that I still resent my mother for. It was so obvious that she chose him over us, and that he wasn't a part of the family at all, he was just "hers", yet we still needed to live together with him and face him, so he should have at least participated on the bare minimum. He didn't even have dinner with us, and barely held a conversation with us. It was a time full of shit, to be honest, and I ended up moving out from home at the age of 15 because I couldn't stand living there, and all we did was argue all the time.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (13 January 2015):

So_Very_Confused agony auntit is very possible for a man to love a woman and her children with another man.

but I would not jump from the frying pan of a bad marriage into the fire of a new relationship with someone until you have left the marriage and been on your own for a little bit.

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A female reader, Midnight Shadow United Kingdom +, writes (13 January 2015):

Midnight Shadow agony auntIt's not unusual for a man/woman to accept that a man/woman has children from a previous relationship.

That said, I really don't think you should be considering a relationship with him because, if you do get a divorce (which sounds like a good idea, if he's abusive), you'll need to fight so many court battles (custody, financial, etc.) and learn to be independent. You'll need to start fresh with you and your children, not pursue a new relationship. You'd have to create stability for yourself and your children, and it can't include this man because if you date and then break up with him, you need it to not affect your children.

One step at a time, starting with the divorce.

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