New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login244945 questions, 1084256 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

Can a married man fall in long with his mistress? Or is the lover just used for sex on the side?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Cheating, Family, Sex, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 October 2014) 11 Answers - (Newest, 30 October 2014)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Do married men only use their lover on the side just for sex only?

Can they actually fall in love with their mistress, despite being torn because of the children?

View related questions: married man, mistress

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2014):

A man CAN love more than one person simultaneously. But as usual, men love their wife/family MORE.

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (28 October 2014):

So_Very_Confused agony auntIt's a good point.. yes you can LOVE more than one but unless you can get all parties involved to be poly... you can only LIVE with one...

he may love the mistress in a different way than he loves the wife, it does NOT mean he will break up his "happy" home to be with the mistress.

is the question truly about if he loves her or if he will leave his family for her?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (28 October 2014):

Honeypie agony auntI think a married man CAN feel love for his WIFE and his MISTRESS - but if he stays with the wife and the marriage - he really only LOVE himself.

There are VERY few marriages where a divorce would be almost impossible in this day and age. So staying married "for the family" is bull-crap. It's NOT FOR the family it's for HIM. Because he WANTS to keep the FAMILY more than he WANTS to start over with a mistress.

Some mistresses, don't WANT the guy to leave his family. They don't WANT all the CRAP that comes with living with the guy 24/7. They like the "freedom" in a "it's complicated relationship".

Others think like a competition. That they somehow are BETTER then the wife and thus "should" win the man. What they don't SEEM to grasp that IF a guy is WILLING to CHEAT on his WIFE, whom he have a legal and binding agreement with (marriage) then he will BE willing to cheat on the mistress at some point in time.

Think of ALL the times he couldn't BE there for you or with you, because he ACTUALLY ALREADY has a family. Like holidays, family events, out and about where he could be "seen".

WHY settle for this? That isn't LOVE. That is a SELFISH AND GREEDY man, wanting his cake and eat it too.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (28 October 2014):

YouWish agony auntIf you want to know what "love" means to the guy, all you have to do is see how he treats his wife. The one he promised to love until death, the one he pledged his life to, who had his kids, who devoted herself to the marriage.

THAT is what he thinks of love. Sure, people have been known to move on, but to do that, you end the marriage before bringing someone else into it. He could have been to marriage counseling, therapy, put all the effort of restoring and nurturing the marriage, but instead, he alienated affection and lied and cheated.

Funny, when the wife catches her cheater husband, all of the whispers of "love" he gives to his mistress dry up in the sun, and all of a sudden, he's telling his wife how it was just sex and that the mistress means nothing to him, and that he never loved her, and that he only loved his wife, and there you have it.

Never hang on as a mistress expecting that to be the fast track to love.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2014):

I guess it depends on the man. It should be noted, however, that most (if not all) men who get involved in leading these types of double lives, affairs and whatnot, usually do not love anybody but themselves.

He is in love with himself and you and his wife are just his little tokens, trophies. He has no concept of the gravity and the hurt he is causing or is bound to cause when the truth is revealed. Why? Because he is only thinking of one person. Himself.

Do you think a person who only thinks of himself is capable of loving another? You be the judge.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2014):

Although it didn't work for Prince Charles or Princess Diana,he had the two sons with her yet his heart was with his then mistress Camilla Parker Bowles whom he eventually married....shared DNA did not come into it.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2014):

Sometimes people do fall in love with the side piece. However, do you want a man who lies and cheats? That's what he is doing to his wife, so if he does fall in love with you, and leaves his wife, you've got a liar and a cheater.

I digress, that's not the question. Yes, it happens, but usually she is just a side piece until his wife catches him, and then he ends it with the mistress.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (27 October 2014):

CindyCares agony aunt Never say never, so I imagine that some of them can,and do.

If they are " torn " between lover and family, though, I'd be skeptcal, I'd take it as if they have decided they'll stay with their family.

At risk of sounding horribly cynical... I mean, it's how life goes , just look around ,how many divorced parents there are. Tons. Ooodles. It means that if there's sufficient motivation to ierminate a marriage, sufficient enticement, having children is not such a major roadblock after all.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2014):

Love is a verb, a combination of acts. To love is to DO and BE all those wonderful things for someone else.

Love is often confused with lust. Indeed you can love someone and lust for them at the same time. That's a healthy combination. That's what the wife gets.

As a mistress, I'd say you get the lust and very little of the companionship. You're a dirty secret and not really cherished publicly. You get the sex and the stolen sweet moments but when push comes to shove, he spends holidays with the wife and is by her side through thick and thin. At midnight he's there to hold her when she needs it and when she's sick. They have children together a wonderful emotional fusion of their dna and lots of shared memories as well as shared future plans.

As the mistress you get the occasional full night, a few texts, a few phone calls but when it comes down to it, you haven't really shared LIFE together.

Mistress and the man only share but a part of this beautiful existence.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (27 October 2014):

So_Very_Confused agony auntIf he's been using you as his handy penis holder for more than 6 months, do not count of him ever leaving his wife even once the kids are grown....

if he was going to leave the wife for the mistress it would be within the first 3-6 months kids be dammed.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, WhenCowsAttack United States +, writes (27 October 2014):

Anything "can" happen. The majority of the time she is just a piece on the side though.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "Can a married man fall in long with his mistress? Or is the lover just used for sex on the side? "

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.0625279000014416!