A
male
age
36-40,
*olidus
writes:I broke up with my ex a month or two ago and recently I've been feeling very sad and melancholy. She was only girlfriend I ever had who I could see myself seriously marrying. We would look at houses and discuss what our kids would look like. She's recently begun seeing someone else and putting it everywhere that I can see. She's also been extremely obtuse in returning belongings of mine which I need. Anytime I see her doing things with this new guy (flowers her bought her, dinners she cooked him that she would cook me) it's like a dagger in my heart. I know I sound like an emotional wreck, but I'm not. I'm very calm about this situation. I've been dating new people, even slept with one, but all I can do is think about her. Morning, noon, and night. I'm trying to stay away from her instagram but its like emotional heroin. I think about her constantly and it's the quickest fix which often leads to me feeling less than happy recently. I'm really being logical about this and trying to examine my own feelings. I think its more than just being lonely, if it were just that I could be happy with some other woman. I miss our conversations in bed and inside jokes. I wonder a lot if she was the love of my life and if I've lost her forever. It's been two months and yet here I am pining away for someone who is apparently happy without me. How do I fix this?
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female
reader, MSA +, writes (17 March 2015):
 You need to realize this relationship is OVER! She is not doing anything to try to hurt you or get your attention. She is moving on with her life. So should you! Nothing you say is going to change her mind because she has decided to move on!You just have to act like a man and suck it up. Go out with friends, get to know new people, work, work, and work. Do what ever you need but STOP checking up on her.I remember you've posted on here before.. it was about your remote control. People have advised you to get a new one. GET A NEW ONE. You CAN live without your remote control.. you CAN live without her in your life. STOP making excuses. You can hate her, call her names, write her love letters, send her flowers... IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK. MOVE ON. SHE HAS.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2015): Well if you expressed your feelings about it then it means you've dove your part and there is nothing more it can be done. Love requires that the other party returns it so since she isn't just let it burn out over time. That burn is called break up pain and there is nothing that anyone of us can say or do to you to take out that nasty feeling in your gut that burns like a fever. You may want to try getting involved in some volunteer work, some physical activity or church so that interaction with other people washes off the pain.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 March 2015):
 HIT enter too soon
after you make those two lists you make a list of your dream girl both good and bad.
how does she compare
do you love HER or the idea of HER
do you love HER or the idea of NOT being alone?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 March 2015):
you love HER?
ok make a list of all the things about HER right now that you love. (not in the past not what you want not what she WAS but what she is right now)
Now next to that list make a list of all the things she does that are Not GOOD.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (17 March 2015):
 I agree that you need to STOP.
STOP slaking her social pages, STOP calling/texting her - best bet would be to BLOCK her number and delete her info in your phone.
Secondly, WANTING to cling on to a person you were with for for a longer time is not really strange. But you NEED to accept that this was NOT a healthy relationship. YOU both played games.
And no, I doubt she was the "love of your life" - from everything you have written about her she seems kind of petty and not at all into you. And don't call her a bitch. Calling her names doesn't make the situation better. It just makes you look bitter and petty. The fact that you are STILL harping over a $30 garage-door opener makes YOU.... seem like that one that is a tad obsessed, now that she is seeing someone else.
SPEND time with people you care about, who care about you. LEAVE her alone. It wasn't working out for you two. Move along.
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A
male
reader, Solidus +, writes (17 March 2015):
Solidus is verified as being by the original poster of the question Contacting her won't do any good. I've already written her to exceptionally eloquent letters telling her how much I love her and she pretty much told me to fuck off and that we shouldn't talk anymore. Which through me for a loop because after vday (I got her a card and flowers) we had a very pleasant conversation, like old times, so between when we spoke and the few weeks she's been acting like a bitch to me she must've met this new guy and feels justified in treating me like shit..
Spoke to her earlier today. Still, being a bitch but agreed to return my garage door opener tonight. I suspect because I have a sentimental belonging of hers we're exchanging.
And yet, I still love her and want to get back with her. Wtf is wrong with me?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 March 2015):
you fix it by
a. blocking all of her online media. you can't be hurt by what you do not see and hear
b. if you can't get your things back from her you let them go and replace them. Unless it's a priceless irreplaceable family heirloom, then you take her to small claims court to get it back
c. stop dating. you are not ready to date other women until you no longer feel anything about your ex. not love, not hate... just ambivalence...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2015): Why don't you contact her and tell her all these things that you are feeling. She maybe doing these FB things on purpose or maybe not but at least, if you tell her, you will for sure carve up an emotional knot into her which I doubt will ever go away from her. For all you know, she maybe thinking the same thing as you but pride is in the way. If she responds, tackle the pride issue, have vows not to piss each other off and to be sincere in making each other happy. Faster you do this, less attached she will be to the new guy.
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A
male
reader, Solidus +, writes (16 March 2015):
Solidus is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe initiated the breakup. we stopped having sex for about a month before (all her doing) and every time we'd go out she'd pick a fight. It was like paying to be yelled at. I didn't call her for a week to spend time with people who actually valued my time and she got mad and said since I don't call or text her that she's secoded that we shouldn't talk at all. And that was that.
She always had a huge jealously problem which was the root of hwr unhappiness. She always thought I was looking for the bbd. I wasn't but that didn't matter. Guilt u til proven innocenT in her eyes.
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A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (16 March 2015):
Regardless of HOW or WHY you two broke up, you're broken up!STOP checking her intagram, facebook, or any other social media. Stop asking about her and if someone tells you about her, stop them and tell them you don't need to know. If yoj truly want to recover and move on from this relationship, YOU MUST cut all contact with her. ALL.I think part of your problem is that the breakup is still fresh, although you are trying to move on by dating other people, you will still need a bit more time to move on. It's not helping that you're seeing her current pictures and statuses. It's hurting your ego, digging into your jealousy. It's bad, stop doing that.The solution to your problem is clear. You are the only one to decide to do something to make things better for yourself.Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2015): May I ask ..why you two split ? ? If I have that info I might be able to formulate a more detailed reply .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2015): Did you initiate the break up or did she? Why? This will help us to advise you better.
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