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male
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anonymous
writes: I feel like a puppy that has lost his best friend and is walking around with my tail between my legs.I've written several times before pertaining to a suprise breakup with my ex (the bi-gay story),thank you all for your support and I know some people might think I'm being silly, perhaps I am, and hopefully I'll realise that someday soon hopefully sooner than later. But this is really hard.I've been told that I should not wish that I never met my ex, rather focus and remember on the good times that we shared and had. My problem is that when I think of those "good times" it breaks my heart even more when I think that we'll no longer have those good times together, and that he'll be doing those things with someone else.This breakup has left me feeling that I'm not good enough, or smart enough, I feel so vulnerable. I've lost my appetite to eat, it's not that I want to, I just don't feel like it, I've stopped exercising as I don't even feel like going out nor even doing it. Haven't gone out with friends, I don't feel attractive, nor that I'll even be good company.this breakup it has seriously messed me up and affected me more than my ex I guess. I haven't contacted him, and visa versa, but I'm itching to text him and let him know how much I hate him and despise him, AND THAT I wish I never even met him, and that he never hurt me this way with all his stupid pathetic lies and promises. I wish that he could come crawling back to me, and I'd be able to make him hurt the way he has made me, and mess him around.I feel that I'll never find someone and that I'll never get over him, and at times I think I'll be ok, then the next I'm thinking about our past, but I'm finding it hard to believe that is what it is, "the past". I've deleted his numbers from my phone but I know them by heart.I was his first and only great love, and he just decided to change his preference when he said that he wanted to grow old with me.Why does this hurt so much, why can't this go away. why can't I go back to being my old bubbly self and not ponder on what we had, and what we will no longer have.This 3yr strong relationship was a secret and I'm going through this breakup all alone.Please I need a wake up call, I wish someone could slap me back to reality. I wish that my ex never existed, I wish he never told me that he loved me and wanted to grow old with me!Please I need some help I don't know where else to turn.
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female
reader, matron +, writes (25 June 2006):
 The reason this is so hard for you is because like you said you have no-one to share this with, most people have someone they can turn to and winge at day in day out until they get it all off their chest and are able to move on.
You feel bitter because he gave you security in your secret relationship and you literally felt good to be alive, now you feel it was a complete farce and waste of 3 years, it's made worse by the fact that he has moved on so easily, you cant understand why you are the only one feeling so hurt.
I suggest that you speak to your GP, you are obviously depressed in the true sense of the word, its reactive depression, you are reacting to a situation that you had and have no control over, the GP will be able to put you in touch with a counsellor who WILL be able to help you come to terms with it all and move on, there is light at the end of the tunnel and you are worth much more than the torment you are putting yourself through, please seek professional help and keep me up-dated.good luck, sincerely x
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female
reader, camille  +, writes (16 June 2006):
 I can't give you a wake up call but I can tell you I have been there, exact same torture. Going over every promise, every plan, every thing! I didn't eat sleep either but what I will say is 1) Delete his numbers from your phone and whatever you do, DO NOT get in touch with him. You think it'll make you feel better, but it won't. You're hurting and so want to hurt him too, but it's not a solution. Just take little steps, do make plans to go out, you don't have to stay out long, but make the effort. I can also tell you that no matter how unbelievable it may seem right now, you will be ok. You'll be more than ok. I wouldn't expect anyone to move forward far until at least 6 months have passed as it's a grieving process. Mourn your loss of the relationship but remind yourself that if it were meant to be, it would so he's not the man for you. Try and think rational thoughts and drag yourself to eat and exercise, it's not worth getting ill over. Trust me, you'll bounce back and one day look back and wonder how it effected you so intensley. You're not alone, hang in there.
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