A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my emotionally and verbally abusive boyfriend a couple months ago. It was the most stressful and unhappy relationship I've ever had. There were a few good times, mainly at the beginning, but I quickly found out he was manipulative and narcissistic. Nothing I ever did was good enough, he criticized my every move, and was like a snake in the grass. His moods changed every few hours and I never knew what was going to upset him or how to make him feel better. I know what I did wrong; I dated someone very immature and selfish, and jumped in too fast. I let me emotions guide me instead of using ANY logic or my brain. But I'm having a hard time getting over it. He texted me a few times after the breakup and I responded shortly but politely. I've deleted him from all social media, but I can still check his One of his profiles recently became public and now I can see everything. I don't want to look, but I do. It's like a Pandora's box. I feel so foolish and broken since our breakup because he just beat me down so much. I don't know how to learn to trust and don't even know if I'm ready. Please help!
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 February 2016):
 Start with block/delete his phone number. That way he can't keep talking to you.
The LONGER you check up on him, the longer YOU allow him to (as one of our aunts put it) "live rent free in your head." He "beat" you down mentally.. and now... YOU are doing that yourself - TO yourself. So you need to stop.
You ended it, you broke up. So stop beating yourself up for having made a bad mistake. Everyone makes them. He was your mistake. Forgive yourself.
Take it one day at a time. If you start thinking about him, what he did or what you didn't do. TELL yourself "enough, he is no longer in my life, I can and will do better in the future!"
As for not being able to trust. Well, for now it's not THE most important thing. Though you HAVE to start trust that you will NOT make the same mistake again.
When you are over him and the "guilt trip" - REMEMBER that the NEXT guy is NOT responsible for the ex's actions and behavior. JUST go a LOT slower next time, RECOGNIZE the red flag (if any) and don't continue dating someone if you feel it's NOT right for you.
It will get better.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2016): You are just going through a natural funk that happens after an abusive relationship. He tore you down and you feel like s^^t. That's what they do. Feels like you just got out of a hurricane or a bad storm. They sweep you up in a vortex of cruelty and negativity. And once you are out of it, you still feel the effects of it. Just like a bad storm, even after its gone, you still have to deal with the damage it caused. You have to clean up the mangled trees and branches and repair damage to your house and whatnot. Same with coming out of an abusive relationship. He broke you down, now you have to pick up the pieces. Give it time, you will get over him and you'll never look back. Especially when things start going back to normal. Surround yourself with nice people who lift you up and make you feel good, you'll forget all about him. It will take a little time. Just remember you didn't deserve that and you are beautiful and intelligent and cool and you'll come out of this. His loss baby!
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