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Break-up after 7 years

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Question - (8 April 2011) 1 Answers - (Newest, 8 April 2011)
A male Netherlands age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly 7 years, and like every couple we have shared good and bad times. During the last couple of months things have been especially bad, we seem to argue a lot and she tells me that I "irritate her". I booked a weekend trip in an effort to reignite the flame of our relationship. The trip was OK but not great. Then 2 days after we got back home I found out she has been chatting with this guy online many times, and the last chat contained what can only be described as cybersex. This is the second time in 7 years she has been chatting with other guys in this manner. She claims to never have cheated on me in real life, still I consider her behaviour cheating. I told her that I want to break-up with her. She begs me to stay with her, that we should not throw away those 7 years we had. The thing is that I do not want to spend the rest of my life in an imperfect relationship. I am still relatively young at 26 and feel this is the time to make a decision to continue or stop with this relationship. She admits that she was wrong (as she always does after a fight) and promises to work on herself but I have been so disappointed many times before.

I would really value some input whether or not you feel my decision to finally break up has been too harsh.


View related questions: cheated on me, cybersex

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A female reader, eternallyinfinite Canada +, writes (8 April 2011):

I myself have been in a relationship for over 7 years and am a little younger than you. If my boyfriend was cybersexing with another girl online, I don't care if we were together for that long .. our relationship would be over. So, I do not see yourself as being harsh because I would have done the same thing. I know a lot of people believe the fallacy that if you spent a lot of effort/time in something, you should continue. It is better, I think, to just cut your losses at a certain point rather than sink more resources. So, your girlfriend's statement about throwing away 7 years wouldn't convince me, ha. I would just see it - would I want to waste another 7 years?

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