A
male
age
36-40,
*vothe26
writes:Hi,Me and my girlfriend broke up about a month ago....heres the story...we were in a relationship for going on 2 and a half years, im english, she is dutch, we met over the internet on a game and we met in real life a few months later, I was at Uni at the time in my last year (Im 23 she is 22). When i finished she was considering going to uni in england cause there is a course only this university wanted to do and of course to be with me.So we had been living together since September 2009, everything was going great despite lack of money, we wernt desperately poor but not rich either, i was out of a job for a year but have been in one since may last year. So ye everything was great she was visiting home in her term breaks and over summer, i went with her when i could.But a few months ago she started going out over to her friends a lot more, she started going for walks and just generally get out the house, of course after this i was a little alarmed and confronted her over it, she said she was feeling like she wanted to be on her own again, that she was confused, wasn't happy in A relationship, said it had started just before xmas and she was hoping it was just a little phase and it would pass, but it didnt of course and now we broke up.She said her reasons for breaking up were that she wanted to be on her own again for now, not be in a relationship she was unhappy being in a relationship, that she didnt want to have to justify everything she does cause she wants freedom again.At the time this was hard to take i didnt quite understand why she wanted to be on her own again, then over a phone call after i kept pestering her ringing a lot she finally said "she doesnt feel the same for me" now at the time that was a bitter blow, but thats the only time she EVER said something like that, at no other points or any other time she has not said that again or that she doesnt love me anymore never said she doesnt love me anymore. I said at the time why dont you feel the same anymore and all she replied then and each time since was "she doesnt know".Now i understand her reason for breaking up, its a little selfish of course but hey when your young you wanna do your own stuff, I have been to uni i have had my fun time on my own in my young adult life, but thats passed now and i was ready for a long relationship with her. She hasnt finished uni yet and has 2 more years after this one left with a year in Spain next year, she even said this, but I did tel her before she started uni that she she do it on her own, that ok ill be with her in the first year living together so she gets used to england but she wanted me to stay with her (this is one thing about her, during all her time with me i have know her to be very needy and very lovey dovey, when she was away for me in holland or on holiday for more than a week she would miss me like hell and cry and be upset to not be with me). So i do understand her reasoning but its just a total change from the person she used to be, she missed me so much, loved me so much, couldnt bare to be away from me. So im having a hard time understanding how someone could change over a few months of being crazy about me and not wanting to be away from me to suddenly being one to want to be on her own have freedom and such.She never said it has anything to do about me, nothing thats changed in me she doesnt like anymore, she was adamant about this always said it was nothing to do with anything about me or what i did, she says in great, and it definately wasnt to get with anyone else or that she cheated, i trust her 100% and she denied this every time and even now so thats not the reason, the only reason is her missing her freedom and being on her own again.It is a bit annoying as its something out of my control, but i am still in love with her and i will be for the foreseeable future, id do anything for her i dont hate her or am angry at her from breaking up, if this is something she has to do then fine she needs to think about her own happiness for now, but i love her and I can wait for her, im not interested in anyone else at the moment, iv had opportunities to just go out and get another girl im bed or starting something new but i dont want that i want her.So you can see my frustration here, all i can do is wait for her to miss me and need me back, its been nearly 3 weeks since she has moved out im not expecting anything to happen anytime soon but I want it to of course. She hasnt said she doesnt love me anymore, she hasnt said we will never get back together. She hasnt cut it off completely just for now, she doesnt know if we will get back together she cant tell me that of course, but im just confused and dont know what to do. I love her i want her back but i want her to be happy, but its hard to just wait as well, im happy to do so but at the same time ill never get over her doing that, i dont want to get over her if theres a chance to get back with her in the future and if there is hope cause as far as im concerned we were great together and i want to be together again. So i dont know what to do and hope someone can give me some advice, should i just sit around and wait, should i push for something to happen, something to make her miss me something to make her doubt herself about being on her own?thanks for listening
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male
reader, Kvothe26 +, writes (26 March 2011):
Kvothe26 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI realized that is a lot to read...so im going to break it down into a simple paragraph about the problem:I think my girlfriend still loves me, she has never said to me that she no longer does, and she has only once said "i don't feel the same" and that was over the phone. She broke up with me so she could have freedom, not have to justify what she does to me all the time, thinks we moved in too fast. I have never really been jealous, at the start of out relationship i was but that was when we first met on the internet and had not met in real life and I was jealous when she started to act weird few weeks before the break up but never in the 2 years we have been together between. I want her to know I don't mind her going out with her friends drinking, she is at uni i expect her to do this, i want her to do it its the last time in your young adult life you can go and do what you like. I think she broke up with me because either she was guilty about my feelings if she went out all the time or that she thinks i couldn't just sit by and do nothing and she thought i might get jealous and always ask questions and be a pain, which i can say now i wouldn't because i love her and trust her 100% id would be happy for her to do this...I just don't know what to do, i wanna tell her all this stuff but i feel likes its too soon after she moved out, i don't know how long I should wait to try and get her back and make her realize she can be with me and still do what she wants... I really could use some advice thanks, i do not want to lose her
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