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Boyfriend's parents disapprove but mine don't!

Tagged as: Dating, Family, Forbidden love, Teenage, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 October 2016) 3 Answers - (Newest, 3 November 2016)
A female United States age 18-21, anonymous writes:

I just moved to America a few months ago and soon after met a boy I really really like. We started dating and just recently hit the 6 month mark.

The problem is his parents. His parents a originally from Korea and are very traditional. Since he's the only son they disapprove of him dating girls that aren't asian, the category I fit in.

I really want to continue the relationship but I don't want to strain his relationship with his family over this, knowing that they'll never be okay with it. Right now we're together but his parents don't know but mine do.

Its something that's always in the back of my head and he and I talk about it all the time. He wants to continue how it is with no care but I have this constant guilt. I just don't know what to do.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (3 November 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntThe thing is yes it is his choice so if he says it is okay then I understand why you are still with him, you really like him and want to be with him. But I think the danger here is when his parents DO find out, and they will FIND OUT, then he will end things and you will be heartbroken. Either that or his family will disown him. You need to work out if the relationship is worth all this heartache because he will be the one left to make a decision. Personally if it was me I would end it before it got to a point where he could lose his family.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (31 October 2016):

If he were older, there would be less strain on his parents; because he'd be able to make more decisions on his own. It is never a good idea to do things behind your parents' back; because one of the most important things we ever establish in any kind of relationship is trust.

His parents cannot choose who he has feelings for. Right now they take advantage of the fact that he depends on them for his needs and financial-support. So they will bully him somewhat to maintain their parental-control and force respect. You both are at the age of being a little rebellious, because you have your own mind and opinions.

It is best he face his parents and let them know that he wishes to date you, and he already has the blessing of your parents.

He should politely challenge their bigotry; because we can't always consciously pick the race of the person we fall for. The biggest problem you both have is your age. His parents still have some say in where he goes, who he sees, and what he does. They'll learn soon enough they can press their traditions all they like, but someday he'll be old enough that he will follow his own heart. With or without their consent. Right now, respect their wishes and try to show them you're just dating, you're not engaged.

If you are seeing him knowing they disapprove, they will blame you and might hurt your feelings. Then both sets of parents may clash. You don't want that, then your parents may decide to follow their wishes. Asian culture is quite forceful in their tradition. Parents demand their respect, and can be quite powerful in the influence they place on the lives of their children. Even when they are much older.

Sometimes parents come around. They won't if you're sneaking around and they find out. Then they will use that as an excuse to pull rank on him and force restrictions.

I truly suggest you both be open and respectful and not sneak around like thieves. They should know.

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A female reader, Doris1 United States +, writes (31 October 2016):

Doris1 agony auntBreak it off. Respect the parents. There are plenty of great guys in this country.

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