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Boyfriend's blue balls.....he says if I don't give him head he will leave me!

Tagged as: Health, Sex, Teenage, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 July 2009) 23 Answers - (Newest, 8 August 2009)
A female United States age 22-25, *adeeeash writes:

My boyfriend says every time we hang out he gets blue balls and is in pain for hours, even days. It causes him headaches and muscle cramps too. I do plenty of sexual things for him almost every time we hang out. He's tried masturbating beforehand, but that doesn't work. I thought it could be a medical reason and I've tried looking things up, but there is only one solution.

He says I have to give him head every time we hang out first thing. I have to get on my knees and **** him. He'll have to end the relationship if I don't do that, he says. He said I could find a better solution though, but that he's tried everything there is to try. He asks says I'm hurting him with the blue balls.

I am a christian and the only reason I gave him **** before was because I love him. But now.... I feel used and scared. I've been crying and in pain for a day now. I know that when we hang out, I'm going to have to get on my knees. He says I'm just being a stupid little girl.

I don't know what the big deal with giving **** is for me, but I hate it....

I'm dreading the next time we hang out...

Someone, anyone, tell me what to do or offer solutions or I'll have to do this or he'll leave me...

View related questions: christian, muscle

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2009):

Really? Yeah, this guy is a sleeze, I hope you dumped him.

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A female reader, babymama99 United States +, writes (24 July 2009):

babymama99 agony auntExcellent! Thanks for letting us know that we made a difference, and that you're going to give him the boot.

God Bless!!

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A female reader, Jadeeeash United States +, writes (24 July 2009):

Jadeeeash is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you, everyone..I think I finally have the strength to leave. I have self-respect. One day I'm going to find a kind, christian man who will cherish me the way I will cherish him.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. -Corinthians

I hope all girls can get out of these kinds of relationships.

Thanks everyone

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A male reader, dsmd United States +, writes (23 July 2009):

maybe its not blue balls it could be cancer in his balls

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A female reader, Olivia(Y). United Kingdom +, writes (22 July 2009):

Olivia(Y). agony auntDumb your boyfriend, i know you love him but he doesn't feel the same and is using you for sexual activity.

I know i sound harsh but if he did love you then he wouldn't threaten to end the relationship if you don't suck him off! That is not love babe and you deserve better.

Blue balls wouldn't cause him that much pain. Hes faking it just to make you do things with him.

Dump him and find someone who will respect you and not use you.

Livia

xoxox

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A female reader, TheAgonyAunt United Kingdom +, writes (22 July 2009):

TheAgonyAunt agony auntIt sounds like this guy is using you, if he really loved you he wouldn't threaten to leave you just because you wouldn't do something to him.

You shouldn't have been pressured into to doing anything in the first place. It sounds to me like hesa blackmailing you, because it sounds like you love him but he's using that against you to get you to do something sexual. Now thats just plain wrong.

I suggest you get rid of this guy because he quite obviously doesn't love you, hes just using you.

And it sounds like hes exaggerating or making up what hes feeling, if it gets so bad he should see a doctor!

Please take my advice and find someone who loves you and treats you right, life is too short!

Hope I helped and Goodluck.

x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009):

So wat if he leav u you can do better then him els u realy love him then I dnt knw wat to say

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009):

Tell him "I don't want Blue balls either" and dump him. he will just be like... hugh?

what a JaMOron!... Its stories like these that make me want to lock my daughter up and never let her date.

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A female reader, UnfinishedSymphony  +, writes (22 July 2009):

UnfinishedSymphony agony auntIf you don't mind me asking, Why on earth are you with the guy?

Dump the B******!

x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009):

Oh and by the way, blue balls are not caused by a lack of head.. lol.. what a dipsticking minipulative liar...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009):

A man who is willing to make someone he "loves" or anyone for that matter feel this way; who is willing to put something like head above a person's feelings and self respect; who cannot respect your boundries; who is threatening and blackmailing you.. is not a person worth being with so despite all the reasons you're in love with him, is he really worth of your love? Is a person who is really willing to do all of this really worthy of it? I don't think so... If i were you, i'd stop being afraid and waiting for him to leave and beat him to the punch: start walking.

~Sy.

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A female reader, shna Ireland +, writes (21 July 2009):

shna agony auntlet him leave if hes threating you to do sexual favours that you obiously dont want to do let him walk away

men like that make me so fucking angry xx

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A female reader, busy04 United States +, writes (21 July 2009):

busy04 agony auntGirl, you don't have to anything you don't want to & since when did the cure for blue balls become oral sex? That is an absolute lie...please listen to everyone else that has answered you...leave that man (if that's what you call him), you deserve better!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009):

Honey PLEASE dont do any thing that you are not wanting to do freely .. if he's dat big of a JERK let him leave !!!

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (21 July 2009):

rcn agony auntWhat kid of relationship is this where you're "forced" to perform or he'll leave. Let him leave. When he says that, say "okay, see ya." "Suck me every time we get together????" Sounds to me he's using you for your mouth. Blue balls, as the excuse for using you. With what's happening to your enjoyment doing this. Anything that's forced, looses enjoyment. You, as his girlfriend, are not required to perform what you choose not to.

You don't give him blue balls. Do you rub him and just let him build up and build up when you're together, then say see ya? That's how people get blue balls. You don't get it just by seeing someone. If he truly is. Giving head is not the solution. A doctor's visit is. That would be a real abnormal medical condition. (sexual dysfunction)

If it were a medical condition. I'm not knocking your looks, but I'm sure you're not the ONLY attractive female around, right? If it were medical, each one he checked out (as boys do) the same reaction would happen. He can't just walk up to strange girls and tell them "gave me blue balls, get on your knees." Just as it's CONTROLLING behavior for him to do this with you.

Now comes the difficult part. Get rid of him. Forcing you to give head, at his age or any age, shows a level of control which may escalate into different forms of violence. This is an "obligatory" pattern of though. "Your my girlfriend, so you have to." NO YOU DON'T!!!!! You're being younger, I want to add. Not all guys are like this. Don't fear cause of his abnormal behavior that you'll be required to get knee pads with every boyfriend. You'll find someone, who's going to love you for you. Not require you to do what you choose not to. And what you choose to give, he'll appreciate and be grateful it's you he shared that experience with.

Let me ask you, from a christian perspective. Where in the bible does it say "thou shall give boyfriend head." Being a Reverend, part of what I do is read the Bible. If I come across it, I'll let you know. I'm beginning a ministry which deals with abnormal behavior patterns. What he wants from you is exactly what I said. If you stay with him, when he get bored with head, it'll move to something else. (forced sex etc) and if denied could turn violent. You are too young to get yourself stuck in a relationship that down the road it becomes hard and harder to just leave.

Sorry if my answer is a bit lengthy. I wanted to give enough information for you to know what might possibly happen if you stay in this relationship. Take care.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (21 July 2009):

Honeypie agony auntHe is seriously taking advantage of you. What is next? If there is something you DON'T want to do in a relationship you need to be open and honest about it, if it results in your BF threatening to leave if you don't do A,B or C then let him go, he isn't worth keeping.

Don't let people use you.

He is a creep and a jerk. Dump his sorry behind now.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009):

only a doctor can cure him not head.....or he is one hell of a liar.and he really is a jerk so like everyone else before me has said,dump his ass.he is using you x

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A male reader, lionelhutz United States +, writes (21 July 2009):

Don't fall for that. You shouldn't have to do anything you do NOT want to do. If he was truly having a problem, he doesn't need you, he needs a doctor.

Dump this jerk. good luck

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A female reader, boo22 United Kingdom +, writes (21 July 2009):

boo22 agony auntOh my god! he sounds like an absolute horror of a human being. Dump this man immediately please!! x

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A female reader, babymama99 United States +, writes (21 July 2009):

babymama99 agony auntGet rid of this wierdo. If he's in pain for hours and days, with headaches and muscle cramps; then he needs to see a doctor because there is something wrong with him. Menally and Physically. Think about it what would happen if he didn't have a girlfriend, I guess his head would explode.

That blue balls excuse is the oldest one in the books. My mother sat me down and told me they would say stuff like that and sure enough my first serious boyfriend said it. I laughed so hard, right in his face; my mother was right (again).

Seriously though - YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING YOU DON'T WANT TO DO!!!. If he is pressuring you to do something you don't want to do then he is NOT the one for you. tell him to go get another girl to do his dirty work.

The next time he insists on this "take a bite" out of his itty bitty poker, and then YOU leave him. he's an idiot and dosen't deserve you!!

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A male reader, Jason32477 United States +, writes (21 July 2009):

Jason32477 agony aunt Sounds to be like he`s trying to make you into his bitch. His personal little sex slave.I have had blue balls a few times.Always form sexual activities that didn`t end in fulfillment. You don`t get emm by just seeing someone.His actions clearly state that he doesn`t respect you.He is a lying jerk.And believe me you can do better.Everything he is doing shouts "I don`t care about you,I just wanna get laid".

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (21 July 2009):

eyeswideopen agony auntThree thing you can't escape in this life...

death, taxes, and some idiot guy trying out the blue balls story on some trusting sweet young thing. Trust me doll, if guys really suffered from this dread disease, you'd see guys curled up in the fetal position on every street corner in town. If he has blue balls I suggest instead of getting on your knees you check for a can of spray paint.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009):

He's telling porkies. It can be uncomfortable - but in pain for days? Nah! he'll have had a wank before it gets that bad.

Blackmailing (which is what this amounts to) is not the way to have a satisfying sexual relationship.

My advice? Dump this jerkoff!

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