A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend won't sleep in the same bed as me! We've been dating for a few months. Things have been moving pretty quickly as far as emotions go. But we have yet to have sex because I'm not ready. He has no problem with waiting. But when he spends the weekend at my house. But he sleeps on the couch. I have no problem with him sleeping with me, but he refuses to. I just find it kind of wierd. Should I be worried? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): I can help you out. You are in the same age group as my girlfried... She will be 21 this year. I will be 24 this year. We are in the same situation as you. She says she is not ready for sex yet and I respect her opinion and told her I would wait for her to be ready. Like your botfriend, I also do not feel comfortable sleeping in the same bed with my girlfriend.
Here is my opinion on why i think this is so.
Most respectable, decent guys our age think of sex as something to do when you feel so strongly about a woman where it is very difficult to express that love in another way. This is most likely because we have not yet fully developed mentally and have trouble expressing ourselves and our emotions the way a female would. As far as sleeping the night with you, there is absolutely nothing wrong with him. He feels, just as I feel, that sleeping in the same bed should come after sex. To us, it is the next stage of a relationship and symbolizes the next level of commitment in the relationship. Do not take this the wrong way. It does not mean he is not committed to you, he just feels that in order to move to that "next step" you should be ready to move to that next step as well. Yes that means sex.
I am not telling you that you should have sex with him, do that when you are ready, but it is unfair to expect him to do something that he is not ready for and on the same token expect him to respect your decision on not being ready for sex...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): I have slept in the same bed with two women without having sex (we were dating) & it is ENORMOUSLY frustrating.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): God that was blaringly obvious babe.
He wants to sleep on the couch to stop himself from tearing all your clothes off!
Having your attractive girlfriend in bed with you, but not being able to touch you would kill him
When you're ready to have sex with him, you can say goodnight, then send him a text asking him to come up ;)
Orr ask him if he wants to join you upstairs tonight
[obviously while wearing very little]
lol
good luck :)
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): You are not ready for sex yet you want him to sleep in the same bed as you.... mmmmm... a bit unfair on him dont you think? Only ask him to share a bed when you are ready to have sex with him!
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A
male
reader, dddddddd  +, writes (27 February 2009):
No you shouldn't be worried at all. I can totally understand where he is coming from - you're not ready for sex and he respects that but sleeping beside you might be a tad painful for him. It can be torturous to sleep next to someone you strongly desire and not be allowed to do anything. He respects you not being ready for sex, you should respect him sleeping on the couch when he stays over.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): no! couple of obvious reasons - suspect temptation would be too much for him.
or he snores
or he sleep walks
or he steals the duvet.
Talk to him....
Hugs Star.x.
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (27 February 2009):
 I agree with the other two, I think it is probably because he doesn't want to be tempted into trying it on when he knows you're not ready.
I know that when I sleep next to my boyfriend, he's always wanting to have sex when we go to bed and again in the morning. I mean, a guy lying in bed with his girlfriend is bound to conjur up ideas in his head.
A lot of guys wake up in the morning with " morning wood" as you probably know, and I can assume that he doesn't want to wake up next to you with a hard on and for you to notice and assume that he's wanting sex etc. He's probably doing it also to show that he has the utter most respect for you and won't cross any barriers that may make you feel like he's pushing you or making you feel uncomfortable.
I think he's a really nice guy for not allowing himself to be tempted and to accept that you're not ready for sex.
You could talk to him about it, but I think you have the answer here already.
He'll sleep in the same bed once you start having sex I reckon.
Take care x x x x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): Hey, babe, you don't understand men very well, yet, evidently. Of course he is not going to sleep in your bed if you are not ready to have sex. What are you thinking? Like a sleepover when you were in grade school with your girl friends? You aren't ready for that kind of intimacy, but you expect him to be like a little boy on a campout? "Nighty-night Suzie"..Nighty-night, Johnny". Come on, babe. Grow up a little. You don't put that kind of temptation out and then refuse to respond. Are you playing some kind of silly game? Shame on you.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (27 February 2009):
 I dont think so, have you asked him why he chooses to sleep on the couch?
Maybe it is because he is worried of getting really turned on by you if he is in the same bed so to respect your wishes he sleeps on the couch?! He probably just doesnt want to end up laying next to you really wanting sex and then letting his horniness over-ride his self control!
In all seriousness though you should probably ask him why he wont sleep in the same bed as you - tell him its getting you a bit worried and i'm sure he will explain.
I hope this helps!
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