A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,Basically I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years (we are 22 years old)and generally things have been great. A year and a half ago he went away for 3 months during the summer and before he went we first decided to go on a break, but I wanted to still be exclusive (I meant a break only in terms of not having to speak all the time etc - just that we would have a bit of a break from each other) but he didn't - this really really hurt my feelings. But then he changed his mind just before he left, and we managed for the 3 months, even though I missed him lots and he said he did too. When he came back I felt a bit weird and that things had changed, but eventually all was ok - but he knew he'd really upset me. Now he's planning another trip away - this time for 6 months. He did say I could go but very half heartedly, and he's going with all his friends and they are going so that they can go surfing all the time (I can't surf) so it seems a bit pointless, also I want to do a masters next year.Basically my question is, do you think our relationship is doomed/not going anywhere?? If after 5 years (it will be 6 when he leaves again) he doesn't mind leaving me for 6 months, then can he really care that much? I know I might sound selfish but I am in no way trying to stop him going. I just feel a bit confused as I wouldn't personally want to leave him for 6 months. I keep trying to talk to him about it - all I want is reassurance that he still loves me lots and wants to stay together, but he won't really talk about it (although he says things like of course I love you etc). It's also the fact that when he went away for 3 months before that was surfing too (in the Carribbean, this time the 6 months will be spent all over America) so I don't really see why he needs to go again?! I know I probably don't understand just because I don't surf but still...Sorry this is really long and probably a really stupid message but I'm just feeling really confused and upset at the moment :(Thanks,Jessica
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): YOur concern is absolutely legitimate miss. Thank you for your post. 6 months is a long time to be apart from each other. However, if the trust is there and communication, the span apart shouldnt be too bad. Try to talk to him and coordinate times to talk or have skype dates so that you too can still spend some time together and youre reassured he is both okay over there and is still interested in the relationship. Now, for the logical move... its good he is traveling and seeing the world. Believe me, had I not done the traveling I did while in America and also abroad, I would not have some of the perspectives on life and cluture I do now. It is healthy for him as long as he makes good decisions and approaches new things with an open, but intelligent mindset. Good luck on this.
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