A
female
age
30-35,
*armaki
writes:So my boyfriend and I are expecting our first child together at the end of next month. I've had a hard preganncy and am currently on early maternity leave my doctor ordered because I am at risk of going into labor preterm. It hasn't even been a week since I started my leave and just being in the house all day everyday alone is driving me nuts. I try to do things to pass the time until my boyfriend gets home from work, like reading, working on books I am writing, playing games, getting some housework done when I have the strength to, etc.However, every night my boyfriend gets home from work he takes a bath, eats, plays a video game for a bit/watches a movie/ and or goes on my laptop and surfs the web, and then just wants to sleep. He barely, if at all acknowledges that I am even in the room. Even when I voice I wanna talk or anything he just replies he is too tired to and that we will spend time together later.There are also nights when he won't come home at all or he will come home late at night (like 2am). He will go to a friend's to play video games or help a friend with this broken car. He won't even tell me he is going, he just goes and then I start to worry when I don't hear from him. I've asked him to at least text me if he was going to be late or something. He's only texted me once, since then he hasn't when he does this.Anyways, the other night I had it. He came home after having texted me earlier in the day, saying he was excited to get home and see me. Told me a time and then he gets home hours later (he went out with his friend, don't recall what he said they did). I had been waiting all excited for him to get home and first thing he did was turn on the tv and pop in a movie of his to watch. He didn't even say hi or kiss me or anything (happens a lot). Once his movie was over he crawled right into bed, not even acknowleding me. I decided I had enough and asked him why he was always like this. Told him how I felt, that I felt worthless and ignored and unattractive. He told me to stop playing games and that he was too tired to deal with me atm and it was just the pregnancy hormones acting up. I told him that it wasn't the hormones, it was my real feelings and that I was not playing games or asking for pity. I told him I was tired of him ignoring my feelings and I was just about ready to then and there kick him out.He then promised me that Monday (today) that he would make it up to me by spending the whole day together. I told him fine but it was his last chance. Then I find out this morning (he spent the night at his aunt's, helping her out around the house since she was in the er the other day) that he was going to be working in the morning, unloading the delievery truck. It was only three hours and I was still half asleep so it didn't bother me since I would be sleeping that whole time anyways. Then he calls me just as that shift was ending to tell me that not only was he covering a shift for a friend until 3pm today but that he also had to work later on tonight until about 10pm. Then I fidn out he also made plans with his friend to help out with the car again tonight so he wouldn't be home until late. I was very upset but he went on to say he had off tommorow so we'd have our date then. Well now just a but ago he texts me and says he works 3pm to 11pm tommorow now. He'd "be there in the morning for me" and that we'd have "all day thursday" because he had off and supposibly he had told his job no for thursday when they asked him. I told him to just forget it and take the shift or go hang out with a friend or something Thursday because I was done. I told him I was sick of him always breaking promises with me and today was the last straw. Told him to pack his things when he got home and find somewhere else to live because I wasn't going to stand for it anymore. He's been texting me saying he swears he will keep his word and asked me to "stop being like this". I told him no, I was done. He knows I'm not supposed to be stressed out at all as they've already caused contractions several times, once I had to go to the labor and delievery room to get a shot to stop them.All I wanted was for him to stop acting like I don;t exist and for us to have some quailty time together before the baby arrives but he just doesn't seem to care. I tried so hard but I just can't handle it anymore.What should I do? I just feel so worthless and depressed all the time. I want to just matter but it just seems like I'm nothing to him. I don't even have any friends I could visit or talk to because any I have are all in college or married and moved away with kids of their own and my family just isn't there for me.I just keep feeling this overwelming sensation of dread and I don't know what I'm going to do when the baby arrives if this is how he's always going to be.I need advice on what to do. I just feel so empty.
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (23 September 2014):
In his defense, my experience, and that of a number of my friends, is that women are a little crazy when they're pregnant.
My wife would say some similar things to what you're saying and, although that's how she felt, it wasn't always what was actually happening.
That being said, if what you're saying is all true, ie he literally will come home and go to bed without saying a word to you and you and he never spends any time with you, then unfortunately you got pregnant by an asshole.
You can dump him now or dump him later. If you do it now you'll save yourself a lot of heartache. If you wait you're just prolonging the inevitable.
A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (23 September 2014):
You have been given some good advice, but I can understand how it is maddening that your boyfriend cant even spend some time with out or have a conversation. After all, this is a huge deal for you both! Your first child (and his), what else could or should be more important? I wish I could give you a better solution but I can only say that you need to take care of yourself, be good to yourself and keep trying to speak to him. He cant hide from this, best of luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2014): Unfortunately not much you can do.Just because a girl lets a guy make a sperm deposit doesn't mean he's going to be interested in her pregnancy or his impending fatherhood.He is who he is: a young, immature, self-centered jerk to whom having a shack-up girlfriend means nothing more than regular sex and free maid service.Basically he's blowing you off by telling you what you want to hear while doing what he wants to do. Don't believe what he SAYS, believe what he DOES (or doesn't do).Sorry, but I doubt he's going to stick around very long after the baby comes as he's not going to want to be tied down by the demands of a screeching, squalling kid. You need to be prepared for the very real possibility that you will be raising this child on your own with no help at all from your useless baby daddy. All you can do is take the necessary steps to ensure that sperm donor fulfills his legal and moral obligation to financially support his spawn to the fullest of his ability to pay.The time to determine whether a guy would make a suitable husband and father is BEFORE you lay down and make a baby with him.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 September 2014):
 WHAT IZZIT WITH YOU GIRLS??????? ..... THAT you seem to have no compunction about being impregnated by guys who have no concern for you??????
Do you EVER believe that you should; A. Be married, or, B. have some sort of "comittment" .... before you spread you legs and PUT THE GUY IN CHARGE OF WHAT GOES ON IN YOUR LIFE??????
Having a baby is not quite the same as deciding it you should buy a Honda or a Chevrolet to drive around town!!!!
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (23 September 2014):
 I understand being stressed about being a father and wanting to spend his last days of freedom, however his actions are showing you that either he does not want this pregnancy or this relationship. It sounds like the house his yours and he's helping pay rent. Maybe he does not want to talk about break up with you almost ready for labour.
I would suggest think about your relationship later. Right now he's still useful to you as your family isn't there for you. You need a lot of help going to and from the hospital. Things like buying baby clothing, diapers and helping you do laundry. I don't think he's that heartless not doing those. He will be responsible for the child no matter what so this is not a time to throw him out or make threats.
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