A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for three years. I am in love with him completely and he is in love with me. We moved in together after a year and a half. We have no issues living together and love being able to spend that much time together. our relationship it perfect. Except one thing.He's in debt. A lot of it. When we originally moved in together, each of us were paying $550 a month. He paid on time and it was working nicely. I think it was draining his savings account though. We then moved to a new place (which I bought and is in my name). He agreed and signed a legal document saying that he will pay the Association Dues each month as his rent for living there. (around $320 a month). While I covered the mortgage payment (only $800 not bad)we split food costs and everything else evenlyI got notice today that he hadn't paid the dues in 6 months and we owe $1600. He has other debts, and they really aren't his fault. Mostly medical bills amounting to $4000+. I'm starting to get really frustrated with him. He has three jobs (all minimum wage) and works around almost 40 hours a week. I don't understand where his money goes, if it is going to his medical bills or what but now I'm having to cover his portion, which is not okay with me. When we met he was in school getting his bachelors and has since dropped out. He's always making excuses as to why he should skip this semester and go back next semester. it has now been a year and a half since he's attended school at all. He's passionate and driven in some ways, he works hard when he is at work, but when it comes to school, he's faltering. Its really frustrating me as I work 40 hours a week, volunteer 10 hours, and am applying to grad school to get my masters. I feel as though I'm out working, and going places in my life while he remains stagnant at his minimum wage job. what should I do?
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (24 March 2016):
 As suggested, you sit him down and talk.
If it was his signed responsibility to pay the Association Dues $320/month I’d want to know WHY he shrugged off his financial obligation/contribution. Did he stay silent all 6 months and not speak to you about this? This is completely negligent and irresponsible.
I’ve heard how tough it is paying off medical bills in your country. It’s no ones fault; those bills have to be paid, same as mortgages do, otherwise there are consequences. In times of hardship I’m sure the hospital and or bank will allow you to make minimum payments.
At present while you have drive and ambition, he is experiencing a slump or has crashed out of the race… 3 jobs will do that to anyone. Please stay supportive as he regains focus. Sometimes through life one partner will feel they’re doing more, working more, and paying more than the other. Other times it may appear you’re individual or relationship priorities; ambition and direction in life differ to when you first started out with each other.
If love is there as you say, and he’s hard working, then please don’t allow your frustration build into something major, like resentment. The pressure he perhaps has placed on himself to get ahead or what has been expected of him may have caught up with him?
Take Care – CCA
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 March 2016):
 Sit him down and talk.
Tell him it's been XX months and you haven't paid you share and it's frustrating me. I can't afford to pay FOR you.
The "good" think about medical bills are that HE can TALK to the hospital and arrange for a low monthly payment. (if THAT is where the money goes).
I'm guess that he CAN'T really handle school and 3 jobs. Some people are good at juggling responsibilities, some are not. And I don't know what the medical bolls are for, but could that be a reason he isn't handling things so well? The medical issue, that is?
And it might also be that he has discovered he doesn't WANT to finish a bachelor, that it's not the direction he wants to go, but he is unsure of what to do next. If that is so, he should talk to a campus career counselor.
Sit down with him and help him make a budget? Perhaps?
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