A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so my boyfriend and I have been dating for 10 months. We've been fighting a lot lately. I found out he had a porn blog on tumblr and i got upset I made him chose me or delete it. He deleted it but he's been such an ass. Hes had an attitude with me saying that that's what he really enjoyed. Now where fighting about that.Another thing is he doesn't cuddle with me I have to beg him and he still won't he's 21 and I'm 20. We barely have sex either and when we do it horrible and soooooo boring! So here lately I've got to the point where I don't like having sex with him anymore. What would be the best option for this relationship? Break up. Stay together or what?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 December 2013):
 Your needs are not and will not be met in this relationship.
The porn blog (whatever that is I'm not even googling it) aside..
your love life is lacking.
you don't get affection from him having to BEG for affection is not right... will you be ok with that in 5 years? in 10?
sex is not often and boring by your words... basically he uses you as a masturbatory device right? you are his living breathing fleshlight... NOT good.
AND NO it's NOT going to change.
you told him "me or porn" and he 'picked' you but did he?
are you any happier?
if you think this will improve it will not.
it will ONLY get worse.
gather your strength and prepare to leave as soon as you can no longer tolerate being mistreated.
you are too young to suffer with this.
A
male
reader, M Proops  +, writes (1 December 2013):
This is what on line pornography does to relationships. Love becomes a thing of the past, it's all about instant sexual gratification and no love. Women are abused left right and centre with online pornography. End this relationship and find someone decent.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 December 2013):
 I don't even WANT to google a "porn blog" but judging by Anonymous 123 and YouWish's reactions, I don't think I WILL check and see what it is.
I don't think the problem is his blog per se. I think it's that he USES his blog to push you away, to make YOU feel less wanted and needed, that he PRIORITIZE a blog about porn (I mean really WTF?) over you.
He RATHER live in his own created world that revolves around porn then in the real world with you.
YOU gave him an ultimatum and nothing has changed, still less affection, less sex and more arguments... now over said blog. He is PUNISHING you for issuing the ultimatum by refusing to cuddle and when you two have sex it's mediocre at best. You took away the thing he wants the most (sorry) his porn blog. Don't let him kill your libido, get out.
If I were you would tell him to start his blog back up, then pack your bags and find a guy who can LIVE and LOVE in the real world. Because this guy rather live in LA-LA land with porn-stars, so let him.
YOU CAN NOT make him LOVE you back. Or love you the way you want him to, or the way he USED to.
It doesn't mean he loves THEM/IT (porn-stars/porn) more then you, but this is how he wants to spend his time. Doesn't mean that you as a GF or woman isn't GOOD enough, you are just not a blog. All he wants is a blog apparently.
If you stay you will end up thinking there is something lacking or wrong with YOU. THERE isn't. YOU just aren't a match for him any more and HE isn't a match for you.
Whether it's an addiction or not I don't think it matter, because if it IS an addiction he can't see the forest for all the dicks on his blog. Which means even without the blog nothing will change, he will find a way to make a new blog or revive his old one and he will continue.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (1 December 2013):
 I didn't know what a porn blog was either so I looked it up and EWWWW!!! I wish I'd never seen it now! If he "enjoyed" the porn blog and that was an expression of his sexuality, then that's entirely his choice but if I were in your place, it would be very difficult for me to get on board with it. And the reason he doesn't want to sleep with you is because he's addicted to porn and he obviously enjoys it more than he enjoys being with you. What are your options? Not much really. Walk out.
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A
female
reader, tendersmile  +, writes (1 December 2013):
 Breakup is the right decision!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2013): Porn blog.... Bit sad. Sorry i've never encountered that and i've dated two big porn lovers. He is too interested in porn to have a relationship. People saying they enjoy porn when they have a girlfriend is bizarre to me.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 December 2013):
 This question is actually about two issues here - the porn blog and the bad sex life, so I'll deal with each of these issues separately. I also know that in your case, they are linked, but I'm also writing this for other people reading this and not just the OP.
First, the porn blog:
I actually had to think about this one long and hard, because I hadn't really heard of having a porn blog before. So, I looked up a few, and it was..uhh...educational, for lack of a better word. I know it's not my thing, and looking at the sites made me want to flush out my eyes with Visine.
However, if my husband were into something like this, and it wasn't 24/7 that he was on it, and it didn't interfere with our own sex life, then I think I'd be okay with his running one, as long as I didn't have to see it. I would also ask him not to connect his real, actual name to it because I wouldn't want people to come to me about something they (or their kids) searched on the internet and found. I mean, maybe someone has to educate me, but there wasn't a lot of difference between watching porn and blogging about it, but then again, there might be something I don't know about it. This is a compatibility issue, so just because I take an open view in general doesn't mean you do.
There are a lot of married women and women with partners who read erotica, write erotica, and blog about it. In my opinion, it's part of their sexual expression, be it porn blogs or amateur erotica or fan fiction or deviantart erotic art. I'd let him do it if it were me, but that's my choice. I love my husband's sexuality, and I know that not all of it has to do with me.
The other issue is a much different matter. Porn can become an addiction that DOES interfere with a sex life. If he's 21, all over porn, yet barely touches or makes love to you, then he's addicted, and that's not cool. That's when he needs to break away from it, and I would definitely break up with a guy who wasn't willing to admit that the sex life is suffering. It is an issue when all of his sexual desire is spent on porn, leaving the stale leftovers to me. It's one thing to celebrate a partner's sexuality, but it's another when I become an afterthought like you're dealing with.
In this case, since you've already talked to him about this, and you're not okay with porn blogs, parting ways is your only option.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (1 December 2013):
 If having a porn blog is what he enjoys then leave him to it, let him have his enjoyment. Why have a boyfriend that doesn't enjoy YOU?
Walk away from this first class idiot, no need to run, next time he mentions the blog just pick up your purse and walk.
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A
female
reader, desiree075  +, writes (1 December 2013):
He's a giant baby and you should break up with him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2013): If you fight and he doesn't cuddle, or have sex anymore; why are you still with him?I expect you to say; because you love him. How is it love, if the person you love isn't returning it?Even worse, you fight about it! You had to make him make a choice. He obviously isn't happy about it. Don't just blame the porn, you both fight too much. I expect there to be accusations of "porn addiction" and the usual male-bashing. Guys are never good at just being upfront and honest about our feelings. If the porn is a better outlet than you are, he should be man enough to admit it. It's convenient to find something you can pile blame on; but it's even better to take charge of the situation, and do what's best for you. You are trying to force him to love you. Maybe he does; but he seems to have a hard time showing it. So why fight about? Even if it is the porn. When someone loses interest in you and all you do is fight about it; then you breakup and let them go. You fight because you're frustrated and scared.You can't argue someone into caring for you. Either they do, or they don't. If it makes you feel better to say porn broke you up, so be it. Gather the strength and courage to move on, and find someone else. Breaking up is painful. It should by all means be the last resort. When you aren't getting love in return for your love, you make the wise choice. You end it, and move on to find what you want, need, and deserve.
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