A
female
age
,
*razedRedHead
writes:My boyfriend of five years ordered an unborn pedigree puppy for a female friend. She walks his dog when he is at work. During the time he sought out, and checked out breeders, I told him that I found this to be a highly inappropriate gift. During the three weeks of searching, I repeated my feelings. He said the gift was in exchange for dog walking. I said just pay her. I feel puppies are a romantic gift. He told me that her boyfriend liked the idea, so it was alright. I guess he didn't want to pay $1200 for a dog. This man has never spent that kind of money on all the gifts combined that I have received. Headstrong, and not letting a woman tell him what to do, he did it anyway. And he is quite pleased with himself. I cannot trust my future, or blended finances with him. I am calling off our relationship. He is baffled, all because of a dog? I think this is deeper than a dog, I feel it is disrespect. Thoughts anyone?
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female
reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX  +, writes (28 December 2018):
 My biggest issue is actually just buying a dog as a gift altogether, romantic or not. Animals are not gifts and they are a big responsibility and the person they are gifted to may not be able to look after it properly or even want one. This would make me doubt my boyfriends' judgement more than spending that amount on something for another woman.
I don't think he was trying to be romantic but probably thought it'd be nice for her to have her own dog as she likes your boyfriends so much, and maybe that particular breed is her favourite? I'm all for rescuing dogs, but some can come with baggage and if you're not experienced in owning dogs, they may not be right as with a pedigree you know the temperament a bit more.
Is the amount he spent on you really that important, if you liked the gifts at the time and were things you need. Would spending that much on one thing really make you that much happier than something extremely sentimental to you that cost £10?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2018): It's inappropriate on every level - the amount of money involved, the fact that any real dog lover would always try to rescue a dog before buying one, the EMOTIONAL intensity involved in a relationship with a dog, the fact that HE felt for sure that HIS gift would 100% be ACCEPTED by her is a big red flag.
It's just wrong, whatever way you look at it. My daughter and her parter of 8 years have a rescue dog. The very thought of either one of them buying a dog for someone else is just so totally 'out there' that it feels crazy you'd even consider this is acceptable.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2018): He should just pay her. This is weird. What if your boss paid your bills directly instead of a check
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2018): From what you write, this is not about the dog at all. Its about him spending a lot of money on a gift when he never spent that much money otherwise on gifts, thus making this gift stand out. The other thing is that it sounds like he doesnt really have a lot of money, as you say you cant trust blended finances with him. Maybe he is careless with money. If you can not see a future with him, then I think it is the right thing to do to leave him.
It's not about the dog, but the dog might be a good example of why this relationship doesn't work for you. Trust your gut feelings on this one.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (27 December 2018):
 Yeah, I agree about the dog breeders. There are already a lot of lost and abandoned animals. Anyway...
As Honeypie says, gifting a dog (or any animal) is not, in itself, a romantic gesture. Friends and relatives do the same. It's a bad idea in my opinion because animals are not trinkets and they bring life changing responsibilities that folks shouldn't surprise others with.
If this friend takes care of his dog during the day while he's at work, then it could be seen as payment. I happen to agree that is was meant to be a kind gesture that went way over the top.
'Headstrong, and not letting a woman tell him what to do...' I know the type you're talking about. They see some acts of courtesy as cowing to someone and they stage their subtle acts of dominance, which include, for example, taking their time getting out of someone's way, just to show they don't jump for anyone. Yep, know that type well.
I do think he went overboard in trying to impress this woman, which is not necessarily romantic, but not something to be overlooked.
All in all, I think you made the right choice. Life is too short to spend it wondering where you stand. As has already been suggested, keep the break up short and sweet. There is nothing to be said you haven't already said. He clearly was more interested in impressing her than in disappointing you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2018): Maybe he wants to pay her, the right amount of money for the work she has done. Calculate how many hours she has walked the dog and see if he pretends to have her do it for a long period of time. Maybe he did it to make sure she commits to walking the dogs longterm. Have u ever asked him for a dog? If you did you could tell him that you feel he is not being equal since he gave an expensive gift to a friend and no gift for you. Don’t end the relationship before aking him if he will compensate first and see how it goes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2018): I think it's inappropriate. Don't second guess yourself. How would your bf like it if you spent $1200 on another guy? Betcha it would burn his ass! I think he blatantly ignored your feelings or he would have been open to finding a compromise. He is more concerned about impressing her than hurting you. What a dick! No, you weren't ordering him around. Just begging him to see the wrongness of his actions. And how they hurt you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2018): If this friend has been dog walking for free for a long time then I could easily imagine a puppy being the perfect gift, and $1200 is probably in the ball park of a fair price for the dog walking if it has been a year or so. In my opinion he maybe could have thought of a rescue dog, but to each there own. I agree that giving a random friend a puppy seems like a romantic gift, but this is his DOG WALKER. Clearly she likes dogs, maybe she has expressed to him that she wants a dog of her own, maybe this was part of their deal from the beginning. Hypothetical scenario: maybe she had her heart set on some specific type of dog, didn’t have the money for it, so she spends a year dog walking for her friend and in exchange her friend pays for the dog. Also, I agree with Fatherly Advice that if he is similar to your age and he is determined to do something, then he will probably do it regardless of whether he gets your stamp of approval.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (26 December 2018):
 It's strange but true that everyone has different things which they class as "deal breakers".
For ME the deal breaker in this situation would be the fact he bad put that sort of money in a breeder's pocket when there were thousands of dogs being slaughtered in pounds because there are not enough homes for them. Those sort of values would be so incompatible with mine as to be an IMMEDIATE deal breaker.
For YOU the major problem is the amount of money itself and the fact that he disregarded your feelings. That is as much a valid reason to end a relationship as any other.
You mention "blended finances" by which I assume you mean joint finances. I do hope none of the money he paid for this gift came out of YOUR money. If so, insist he returns it.
For what it's worth, I would have had just as serious doubts about the relationship as you did, albeit for different reasons. You need to find someone who makes you feel more valued than he did.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (26 December 2018):
 This line from your original post troubles me quite q bit: "Headstrong, and not letting a woman tell him what to do, he did it anyway." You sound like a teacher or mother of a teenager. If your man is similar in age to you, he will not do what you or anyone else tells him to do. He will do what he has determined is the right thing to do.
You feel he does not "respect" you. Would it not be more true to say that he does not "obey" you? He will not respect you while you continue to force your will upon him.
As far as breaking up the relationship, yes it is high time you did this. You are obviously permanently incompatible.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2018): Sure you have the right to call if off if you're that offended and feel it's inappropriate. You expressed your feelings to him about this and he was unwilling to compromise with you. You're old enough to know your mind.
The saddest part of this is that he paid $1200 to buy a dog when there are so many puppies in rescues scheduled for death if a good home is not found for them.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 December 2018):
 Welcome back CMMP! Good to see you on again :)
OP, if you feel this is inappropriate, then you are within your right to end it as you did, but DO NOT use this as a tactics to see if he will "obey" your wish.
Just be done, if this is a deal breaker for you.
What he CHOOSES to spend his money on, and it IS his money, is up to him. You aren't married and do not share finances.
What I find strange is that he goes above and beyond for this female friend. $1,200 puppy is not a small gift. If she hasn't ASKED MONEY for walking his dog, why does he feel he owed her THAT expensive a gift?
Now IF she has his dog 5 days a week while he is at work... it might not seem like an extravagant amount. Some dog sitters charge $10-50 an hour, so 1,200 would be roughly $50 for a full day/5 days a week for about a year.
Is a puppy romantic? I don't know. I can see a GOOD friend gifting a puppy to another friend with out it being a romantic gift. If you BF had a history of spoiling this one woman friend I can see how you might feel there is more to it. Sounds to me like he wanted to be generous and took it a tad over the top (unless 1,200 is a grab in his pocket).
But here is the thing, you felt disrespected and called the relationship off, so it's time to cut him out of your life and work on moving on.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (25 December 2018):
You have the right to end your relationship for whatever reason you want.
Was it a good call? Hard to say. If he had no romantic feelings for her whatsoever and there appears to be a somewhat equal exchange of goods then maybe you were the stubborn one.
If not then maybe you did the right thing, but it's ultimately your call.
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