A
female
age
30-35,
*oxicPurpleNinja
writes:I'm highly obsessed with my boyfriend. We've been dating for ten months. Yeah, it sounds funny and a lot of you are probably shaking you heads, but I am. He is too though. We text 24/7, see each other as much as possible, and talk on the phone from 9 pm to 6 am sometimes. We keep our other friends to. Sometimes me and him and our friends or maybe just me and my friends or vise versa, but lately that's changing. He's barely texted me lately, and I wonder if something is wrong. He isn't a highly open person, and sometimes we fight, but this is unusual for us. This week, he's been really busy with his best friend because they're finally spending time together, but he's blowing me off for him. I love the fact that he's spending time with his friend, but I am a little jealous. I've given him space, and let him do his thing, but today he texted me once from a phone I didn't recognize. All it said was "no phone for a few days. talk to you when i can. sorry. love you. bye." He didn't tell me why or anything. I know he has access to a computer, so I thought I'd send him a message on facebook. His friend got online, but I didn't message him. I didn't want to bother them, I want him to message me when he's ready. Though, I did message my boyfriends account, but no reply. No contact except for that text which was around 5pm, and it's 7pm now. It's been a week with our conversations slowly vanishing and now they're gone. He can't see me this weekend either because he has to go to his grandmas. He blew me off today because he couldn't be out past dark tonight since the roads would be bad, so I was going to suggest we take him home before dark, but he already made plans with his friend. I want to talk to him about it, but he might get mad. When he gets mad, he doesn't talk to me for hours and I feel really bad. He's an awesome boyfriend though. I know he cares, but I really miss him. I just don't know what to do. I've been really depressed lately, and talking to him makes me stable, but I'm stuck. I know we'll work it out, but how do I go about this?
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female
reader, ToxicPurpleNinja +, writes (2 January 2011):
ToxicPurpleNinja is verified as being by the original poster of the question I'm not sure how to break away from this though. I know I do not want to break up with him, but I would like to be more independent. I don't like feeling so dependent on him, but I don't want him to feel hurt if I pull away. I don't know if I'd feel right pulling away either.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011): Hello!
I sense an unhealthy situation here and will say this with utmost respect in that you are very dependent on him and are not happy unless he is around you or gives you constant attention. This is a result from a lot of communication by phone and text and hanging out. This isnt healthy simply because it really shatters the key thing at your age in that you must do... develop independence and confidence in who you are. Being dependent like this disables your ability to grow as an adult, why? Think of the boy as a mirror and you do what he does and he does what you do. If things go back and forth like that, it is impossible to see outside that mirror and get a sense of who you really are.
Now, perhaps you have a reason to mistrust him? If not, cool ur jets miss and let him be with his friend. Your anxiety may not logically at all fit here. If you do have a reason to mistrust, you two should have a gameplan to how that trust can be rebuilt. Good luck.
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