A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend's father is in town for a visit and this is the first time I have met him. They have a complicated and unhappy history, which I admit I can't possibly know all of. My boyfriend is super-stressed, because his dad is fairly high maintenance and incredibly forgetful. I understand that aspect of it. He's also getting his feelings hurt because of things his dad says that he thinks are insults, but I don't think his father's being intentionally malicious or rude - or in some cases being that way at all. I've been trying to give him an outlet to talk about what he's feeling and what happens that bugs him, but I'm not sure if I should bite my tongue or let him know if I think something his dad said wasn't meant as a slam. As an outsider, it seems like his father's trying to make amends and I'd hate for my bf to miss out on a chance to have a better relationship with his dad, but I also know there's a history here that I can never fully understand.So what do you think. Keep my mouth shut or not? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, candyw +, writes (25 November 2010):
Family relationships can be very complicated, especially when there are hurtful memories. The best thing you can do is support your bf, he still has a lot of anger towards his father. Very discreetly comment on the good things his father did for him or something good he said, but dont force him into accepting it completly. If possible, help them find something they might have in common that did not know about. In the long run, you bf will thank you for helping him get closer to his father. good luck!
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (25 November 2010):
 Well test the waters first. If one time you genuinely believe his father is not being intentionally malicious or rude and your boyfriend is upset then suggest exactly that and see how he reacts. If he reacts badly then just bite your tongue from then on. No reason why you shouldn't be able to simply express your opinion or talk with your partner without getting a tongue lashing.
Would you say your boyfriend's leaning more towards acting bitter and resentful to his father? Or is he more sensitive and cares what he thinks a lot so he takes things to heart more from him?
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