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Both my partner and I cheated on each other. Back together now and I'm pregnant but he keeps using my cheating past as a way to justify all his wrong-doings

Tagged as: Big Questions, Cheating, Dating, Pregnancy, Sex, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 June 2017) 3 Answers - (Newest, 23 June 2017)
A female age 18-21, anonymous writes:

I have been with my boyfriend now for 8 months

Within the first month of our relationship I found out his ex was still in the picture messaging eachother and she told me they had had sex.

When I found this out I thought I was going to leave him. I met a guy at work told him about my situation and being an emotional mess slept with him.

I then decided to try and work it out and stay with my boyfriend and I didn't want any secrets so I told him what had happened and because of the circumstances he forgave me.

I am now pregnant with his child and we are moving into our own place at the end of the month and we are happy - except he still keeps bringing up what I did at the beginning of the relationship he uses it to justify everything he does - for example him messaging his ex behind my back only last week!!

I don't know what to do because I love him and we have a baby on the way but I can't have him keep using what I did to do what he wants and throwing it at me in every argument... what can I do to make him stop??

View related questions: at work, his ex

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (23 June 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntTwo wrongs do not make a right. If he keeps bringing up the past then he is always going to use that to get away with cheating and talking to other girls. You need to talk to him, tell him you both done wrong and if he keeps bringing it up then the relationship will be over. You have not been together a long time, and a lot has happened, you need to be prepared to accept that even though you are pregnant this relationship might not work.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (16 June 2017):

Honeypie agony auntYou give him an ultimatum. While I utterly detest ultimatums he has NO real argument against you. Someone who lives in a glass house shouldn't throw rocks. you two talk and come to an agreement or truce that from here on out, the PAST stays in the past and you work on the present and the future.

So HE has to decide what he wants. To be with you and build your little family OR the ex. And YOU have to be firm. If he chooses the ex? then GOOD RIDDANCE.

And you also have to decide if this is really who you want to be with. Yes, you have "tied" yourself to him by getting pregnant but... having a child together doesn't mean you two are a good fit. It just means you were EQUALLY irresponsible.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (16 June 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntThis is a nightmare. You've barely dated each other and have both cheated. That's not stable enough for a baby to be brought up around. Please get into couples' therapy and both of you need to learn how to be responsible because getting pregnant now was not.

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