A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do I make this situation better? My ex and his new girlfriend fell out with me big time. I tried to talk them round - but they didn't want to know. So I got annoyed and sent them 1 or 2 nasty anonymous text messages - but they guessed it was me and told me to get lost and blocked me permanently.How can I make things and myself feel better? I only wanted us to remain on good terms, but it seems things have gone from bad to worse but they have made it clear they don't want to know and probably even think I'm a bit of a psycho.If they would give me a chance I know I would feel better. But I'm just permanently floating round in limbo...What can I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (21 March 2016):
Move on. You are acting childish, and frankly are making a fool of yourself.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 March 2016):
 OP
Remember this - YOU can not control how others think, feel, act or what they say.
So if they CHOOSE to blame you, there isn't much you can do. Jumping down in the gutter with them, just gives them more ammo to make you the "bad guy" or in the scenario.. the "crazy ex".
So keep telling yourself, WHO CARES what the ex and his new GF thinks!? I know what really went on, I will stick to the high road and let them wallow in the mud from now on.
Then you focus on doing things that will make YOUR life positive, surround yourself with positive people and try not to dwell on the past. It's really pointless as... you CAN NOT change it.
If friends, family or acquaintances bring up the ex or his GF, shoot it down right away - let them no that it's not a subject you care to discuss. That you are working on moving on. Hopefully that will also stop them from passing on hurtful or irrelevant gossip.
Rise above the drama, FROM now on.
You do know that the best "revenge" is living a good life and being happy? Right? So start that, today.
Agree with yourself that you mucked up. It happens, then let it go.
Time to leave the past in the past. Do something GOOD for yourself or others EVERY day. Even if it's just a simple thing as calling a older relative and chat for 30 min. Be a positive influence in the people around you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2016): Thanks Honeypie. OP here. Yes - I'll try not to beat myself up. It's just they blamed me for stuff that didn't happen & so I stirred the pot a little. I just wish people would give second chances.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 March 2016):
OP learn from this. That is all you can really do now.
That and leave them alone. You know what you did was not right, yet you still did it.
And next time you are in an argument over ANYTHING don't resort to childish behavior. And don't dismiss the other person's feelings or what they are saying because you want something else to happen.
Show your ex and his new GF that you are NOT so crazy bunny-boiler by respecting their wishes to LEAVE them alone.
And then you NEED to stop beating yourself up too.
Yes, you acted like a drama-llama and that ended badly for you. Now you know. It's EASY sometimes to lash out, specially over text... what you can learn is that YOU really need to stop and think before hitting send. Never text angry, never text drunk.
Stuff.... happens, let it go and move on.
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A
female
reader, miss frank +, writes (18 March 2016):
Really? Nasty texts anonymously...why would either of them entertain you? Why do you want a connection with them at all anyway? Leave them be now because you are looking a bit desperate and a bit psychoish....stop doing this to yourself - where's your actual life? Because hes an ex and she's his girl now....sorry if that sounds harsh but really stop all contact now
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2016): Thanks for the answers guys, I'm the original OP.
I know what I did was stupid - but I just wanted to try & reason with them and because they were mean I got angry with them & just said a few home truths.
I know we are not a part of each other's lives but I just want to say sorry to them - but obviously it's too late I guess.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (18 March 2016):
 Sorry Hon, but your actions caused them to block you.
Use that as a life-lesson and don't do it again.
I don't believe there is anything you can do that will rectify the situation without you appearing as the nasty EXGF.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 March 2016):
Well, you can't really blame then for NOT wanting you in their lives. And yes, if I was the new GF I'd probably think you were a bit of a nutcase.
Sending anonymous nasty messages is childish, and I wonder what on EARTH you thought you would accomplish by doing that. Certainly it didn't make you look good. And certainly it didn't "help" you case in trying to make friends.
You will have to put on your big girl panties and accept that they want NOTHING to do with you. You - YOURSELF - burned any bridge of maybe down the line finding common ground.
NEITHER of them OWE you friendship.
Your ex bf, and you are over. LET him go.
Their relationship is none of your business and you are none of theirs.
I know it's rough to realize, but your ex's life no longer revolves around you or how you feel.
So LEAVE them be. Make other friends. Get busy moving on with YOUR life. It's not their job to make you feel better. THAT is YOUR job.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 March 2016):
 Well, if they think you are a bit of a psycho, who could blame them. Nasty anonymous messages ?...Isn't that like stalking ? You are lucky that they just blocked you and did not press harassment charges !
You can get out of limbo the very moment you decide to. Decide to move on and to accept that this is a closed chapter of your life .
You can't force people to be your friends. They have shown that they do not desire your friendship- respect their wish. I am sure you would not appreciate if someone that , for whatever reason, you do not care having in your life, pushed and insisted and tormented you.
PLus, even if you had separated in the best of terms , which unluckily is not the case, still it is not mandatory staying friends with an ex. In fact, it is so very optional that most people choose to NOT do that , even if there are no hard feelings. Either out of respect for their new partner, or because the end of the relationship coincided with the end of any interest in you as a person, or to not risk giving false hopes in a rekindling, etc. - anyway, lots of people choose to leave their exes firmly in their past. So, it's not like this couple is denying you something that would be your normal, customary right.
Let them be and move on. So what if they do not have a good opinion about you ? Once they are out of your life, their opinion is not something that you have to deal with or be concerned about.
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A
female
reader, MissKin +, writes (18 March 2016):
 Why do you so badly want to be a part of your ex's life?
You sent nasty messages? While you were trying to convince them you can be a better person? They have every right to not want to be friends with you.
I think you should just leave them alone and move on and do your best to grow up and try not to hold onto how this has hurt you.
Let them be happy together- it's a good way to show to yourself that you can do the right thing.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (18 March 2016):
 Hello, hello, in their position I would probably view you as a bit of a psycho as well.
You sent nasty messages, and tried to hide the fact it was you doing it, why do you think they should now have anything to do with you?
Its not up to your ex and his new partner to make you feel better, your bad behaviour got you to this point, you need to accept your part in this, and try to be a better person in the future.
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