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BF not a virgin and I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does

Tagged as: Dating, Sex, The ex-factor, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 July 2011) 1 Answers - (Newest, 11 July 2011)
A female Australia age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I met my boyfriend just over two years ago but at the same time met someone else who I liked better. So I told my boyfriend that I couldn't see more happening between us than friendship. We didn't communicate after that.

A few months later, after things with the other guy didn't work out, I ran into my boyfriend and we agreed to catch up for lunch. Things went so well and as they say, the rest is history.

About a year ago we had an intense talk about past relationships, partners etc. I was a virgin when I first slept with him but he wasn't. That didn't bother me because what happened before he knew me was nothing I could control or be upset about.

But there is one thing that still bothers me to this day. Back then, after I told him that I only saw him as a friend he was set up with another girl and started dating her. That's fair enough...I'd made a choice to not be with him so he was free to see whoever he wanted.

What bothers me is that he ended up sleeping with her the night before he met up with me for lunch, fully well knowing he was to see me the next day. I know that I have no right to complain about this...he was seeing her at the time and had planned just a catch up lunch with me...so really it should be none of my business.

But I can't get over the fact that he slept with her just like that. He's told me that he regrets what he did with her, that he wishes it never happened and that he doesn't like talking about it.

I love him so much and he's wonderful to me, has never done anything to hurt me and is always looking out for me. After that night with the other girl he never saw her again (and I have no reason to believe otherwise).

So how do I get over this? I have promised him that I won't bring her up again. I do need to get over this in my mind though. How do I do it?

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A female reader, hannah76 United Kingdom +, writes (11 July 2011):

hannah76 agony auntHello,

It may bother you because you can sort of picture everything and then the imagination takes over. You don't say if this girl he dated took his virginity. Perhaps you wish you had dated him in the first place and then he wouldn't have met the girl. However, that is all what if's and should haves. It is best to try to live in the present now and remember that he is with you.

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