A
female
age
30-35,
*mykennedy
writes:My boyfriend and i have been together two years. We have had trust issues because he got a girls number on a trip, and texted her flirting throughout and I found out about it. He said he made a dumb mistake and blah blah blah if I found out about something that happened in a different state why would he be dumb enough to do anything here. well, recently he texting a girl innapropriately, but as soon as the girl mentioned her friends knew me he got paranoid and begged her to delete their conversations and that he was being stupid and made a mistake and this would "ruin his life" if I found out. But basically he was planning to hang out with this girl and have sex with her. He was asking her if she would feel bad and tell, and how he doesn't know if he could contain himself around her even though he "never cheated on me" before.So long story short, I found out about it and was sent screenshots of the conversation. I ended up just blocking his number. I'm sure he knows I found out by now, but he hasn't tried to reach out in other ways. I know I blocked his number so he could very well be texting and calling but there have been no voicemails in my "blocked voicemails" folder, he knows where I work, where I live, he has my moms number so he could easily try and contact me through there. So I don't get it.... I know he cares but he's acting like he has no remorse or gives a shit. I have no interest in getting back with him but at least would like to feel like I'm not nothing. Anybody know why he hasn't tried hard enough to reach out? I feel like, in the past, when a guy has fucked up nothing could keep them away.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 October 2016):
 My guess is that he thinks if he waits until you cool down he can try and talk you around. I doubt she was the first girl he has tried it on with, it sounds like you have dodged a bullet. I know you are probably really upset and it is not helping that he is not trying to explain to you or to fight for your relationship. But it is probably the most decent thing he has done so far is leaving you alone. I am sorry you are going through this, but at least you have found out what a sleaze ball he is and leave him.
A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (27 October 2016):
 You already know he has no remorse so no surprise there. I suspect that he's avoiding you out of shame, which is not to be confused with guilt. Shame is because he lost face by getting caught doing the wrong thing, and that he is now seen by others in a poor light. He has nothing to say for himself, no defense, no excuse and nothing to bargain with.
Even if you didn't tell anyone this girl certainly will and already has. She's told her friends who are all probably laughing at him. Don't think he doesn't already know that.
This doesn't mean you were nothing. He 'cared' enough to try to hide what he was doing and to worry about being caught.
The way you broke up with him was PERFECT, by the way. You discarded him like a empty gum wrapper. No fuss, no muss, and crying (that he knows of). You can be sure he's stewing about all this and he may decide to reach out when the dust has settled, though better still if he doesn't because that tells me he's scared.
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (26 October 2016):
 He hasn't contacted you...hm. Well, he either has no guts and is shaking in his boots about being confronted by you OR he knows he's done and is respecting your space. Honestly, I am inclined to think he will try something eventually. Maybe he's letting you "cool off" so it'll be easier to coerce you back into his arms. Do NOT leave yourself open to being talked back into a relationship with him. DO NOT convince yourself that you need closure and need to see him "one last time." He might try a romantic comedy routine and send you flowers, chocolates sprinkled with a hundred reasons why you shouldn't give up on him expecting you to melt and immediately forgive him. Most men know that given time, some women will break after feelings of loneliness etc come into play. Missing someone is normal after a relationship ends of course but don't think that means you're meant to be or whatever. He knew what was on the line and he didn't care enough to put himself away from temptation.
My advice to you: take the time you need to reflect and properly "mourn" this relationship. Once that's over and done with, treat yourself to a wonderful day (perhaps with your best friends) and thank the heavens that you did not wind up stuck to that punk.
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A
female
reader, Flabby Thighs  +, writes (26 October 2016):
He hasn't reached out because he doesn't want to!!! C'mon woman... move on. Brush yourself down and be strong. Focus on some real problems or do some new stuff. He's a loser.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (26 October 2016):
 He's scared of being ripped a new one. Simply dodging being confronted about his actions. What a coward and an untrustworthy one to boot. Have to agree with the aunts and uncles...be grateful he's not in reaching out. You dont need his grovelling to blur your judgement and end up making a mends with this snake.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (26 October 2016):
 Because he doesn't care, if he did, you wouldn't be here in the first place.
He doesn't care about your feelings, hence trying to cheat and he doesn't care that he's been caught, hence not trying to contact.
He sounds like a waste of time. You dodged a bullet.
Move forward and be happy.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 October 2016):
 Just pretend he fell if the planet. NO need to waste any more time or energy on him.
You have him ONE chance and he CHOSE to fuck that up by chatting up another girl.
He knows by ignoring you, that YOU feel bad. And that is what he wants. Because when (I BET YOU he will) contacts you in a few weeks he is hoping you are so desperate to keep dating that you will "forgive" anything.
Instead, accept that it is OVER and YOU are ready to move on. SCREW what he wants.
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