A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I will try to make it short as possible, I am 35 years old gay and I dated a guy few months ago, specifically in May and I really liked him, everything was great , although he is way younger than me 24 years old, but I felt that he loves me, he introduced me to his friends and family, at the begging we were hanging out everyday, eating out, drinking, movies, shopping etc, during the first weeks, I noticed that he never offers to pay and I have to handle the bills 95% of the time like I am his dad. I was a little confused at the beginning, asking myself why do I have to pay all the time! I knew later that his salary is not great and 50% of his salary goes to the rent, so I didn’t mind paying as giving is a nice thing and I wanted to make him happy, although my giving went way too far, as I bought some expensive gifts for him, (smart phone, watch) I took him to few trips, to Paris, to Madrid and Porto and I spent a lot of money on him, hotels, flights, food, shopping etc. almost everything. I cannot count how much did I pay and its better not to know…. Two months ago, we decided to live together, so I found an apartment, a little bit expensive but very nice, and he agreed to share the same exact amount that he used to pay for his old room, I paid 3 months in advance and he did not pay anything. I asked him twice, but he said I don’t have money, blah blah… I was a little frustrated but I moved on after few days, he has a cat and he brought it with him, I love cats but his cat is the worst cat I have ever seen, I cannot stand her, she is wild and aggressive and eats a lot, I am so annoyed from his cat and I don’t want to abuse her. So now, he lives with me, rent free, zero contribution to the bills, food, grocery etc. my expenses doubled or troubled and I started to feel that I am his dad or even more! He is very nasty, the house is a mess, he never cleans or take care of anything, just watching TV, I cannot even enjoy watch what I want to watch, whenever he have money he goes and spend it on himself, i.e. new tattoo, new cloth, new PlayStation , go to the movies, etc. I am not comfortable with him and I feel happy when he goes to work.Two weeks ago, I asked him to buy something from the supermarket and I gave him my ATM card, he didn’t return the card straight away, but kept it with him, I didn’t ask him for it, I was interested about how he will act and I kept checking my online banking to see what he will do and he never failed to shock me as I found out that he withdrew money twice, 100 Euro and one time 50 Euro. I confronted him, he denied at first and when I show him the online statement, he said , yeah I used it for groceries shopping, blah blah blah. He was very defensive and shouting, he did the same after few days and we fought and so much drama, last night he used my card without my knowing and he bought groceries online, I didn’t know about it until I saw the stuff in the kitchen, I asked him how did you pay, he said your card, I went crazy, I asked him how much did you spent? He said 80, I went online and I found out that he paid 145 Euro, went to see the shopping list. I found out that he bought expensive food for the cat, premium brands and he spent around 30 Euro on that, the rest of the things is the food that he likes, I am really pissed off, he is liar, what he did is unacceptable and not sure what to do, these are few of many similar incidents, I need forever to list it here. Seriously, I don’t feel that I love him anymore or maybe I am just so angry… not sure what to do? We fought again. Now he is sleeping and I am frustrated thinking about is this the honest partner ? Kick him out? I tried this one time before but didn’t work outHow to deal with him? Do you think that his behaviour is acceptable? Is this how relationships are?
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liar, money, my ex, tattoo Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, byrd5d  +, writes (28 October 2017):
If you tell him your not happy It gives him a chance to change and you a chance to find someone better Then you can both work it out, after all if you loved him you should part as freinds
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 October 2017):
 Yeah he is using you, he doesn't love you, he loves the lifestyle that you give to him. Ask him to leave. Then contact your bank and credit card companies and change all your bank details and codes as he has access to it. Get rid off him, he is a leech only interested in your bank account and you have allowed this to happen. I am sure you are angry with him and yourself. Now stand up for yourself and stop allowing this to happen.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2017): I also recommend that you now seek online identity-protection. He has had access to your personal-information; and may open new credit accounts in your name!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2017): This doesn't require one of my long responses. Kick his mooching/gold-digging ass to the curb! He has gone as far as stealing; and that means he could do much worse.
Stop thinking with your penis. You're hesitant because you are considering his youth and looks, instead of using your common-sense.
I'm a gay man too! You're being used, but you have no right to complain about how much money you've spent. You've used him as much as he has used you. He met a sugar-daddy who was willing to spend money. So now you're complaining?
Well, he must be a hot-ticket; or you wouldn't have been so chronically generous!
Put him and his awful cat out!!! Change the locks and alert your landlord and the other tenants that he is not to be seen on the premises; and they are welcome to contact the police if they catch him trespassing.
Do it, and do it now. Cancel your bankcards and have them reissued with new pin numbers.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (19 October 2017):
 Yes, KICK him out.
Why didn't it work before? Because HE didn't WANT to leave? If so (check the LAWS for evicting a room-mate in your country) and follow them. If there are no set laws for this - if he isn't on the LEASE etc. CHANGE the locks while he is at work.
CANCEL your ATM card and your credit card and have NEW ONES issued that you DO NOT share with him.
He IS a user, and you are ALLOWING him to USE you.
This, is not love, it's not a relationship either. This is him taking NO responsibility and you enabling him to act like a kid and you the parent.
You know what you need to do but for whatever reason, you refuse to do it (kick him out and cut the contact) why is that? Ask yourself WHY you have allowed this to continue for so long?
Will he be upset? mad at you? Probably! you are taking away his EASY lifestyle of being a "PAID COMPANION".
This IS NOT how a healthy and well-functioning relationship is - but it is how YOUR relationship is - so DO yo want this for yourself? Or not? If not, you know what to do, SO DO IT!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2017): I am the one who asked the question
Just aside note, Today I found out that he added my credit card to his Ubber account and he uses Ubber 2-3 times a day ...some of the trips are long distant, and I am so tired from walking as I want to save a little !
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (19 October 2017):
 I wonder if you feel you have any blame in this? You - you have let it all happen. The money, the treats, the trips, the credit card? And then by a stroke of extraordinary stupidity you rent a lovely flat and allow him to come and free-load 24/7.
OK take that on the chin. But now reclaim your life. Get back your independence. Do whatever it takes. Suitcases outside the door... Change the locks... Move out and don't tell him where your are going.
And tell people what is happening. Get the support of your family and friends.
At the moment your are acting like a dumbcluck who deserves to be used. Get your life back in control or it will never be yours again. He is acting like your pimp.
It makes me angry that you are letting this happen.
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