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Being Raped hasn't ruined or changed my life...i kinda enjoyed it...Whats wrong with me?Am i a freak?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Health, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 August 2007) 26 Answers - (Newest, 3 June 2010)
A female Japan age 26-29, *onfessions Of A Broken Heart writes:

Hi,im Naoko im 20 years old and when i was 19 i was raped...

I just wanna know if im a freak

Being Raped hasn't ruined or changed my life...i kinda enjoyed it...Whats wrong with me?Am i a freak?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2010):

Your body just responded to the impulses given to it.

This is a perfectly natural phenomenon.

Ask yourself: did it just feel good, or did I realy enjoy the whole situation?

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A male reader, PJ1 United Kingdom +, writes (29 May 2010):

Pluto5906 is right - you are not a freak. Most men enjoy being sexually attacked by women - but some don't; does that make them freaks? No. And most women hate being raped - but some don't.

So hopefully you have not started counselling or anything like that (because of idiotic "we know more about you than you" type of answers on here) and ended up feeling horrible.

It's GOOD that it hasn't ruined your life and it's GOOD that you enjoyed being raped. You are not a freak. Different strokes for different folks.

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A male reader, Pluto3906 Canada +, writes (1 December 2009):

She appears fine and in a good mental state. So stop suggesting psychological counseling or professional guidance for her! Because if you do, you really think she was damaged somehow and she is not normal, but she appears normal, thus you think she is a freak, and she should be condemned or looked down upon! This is a typical victimizing process, turning many well functioning raped women into self guilt/condemnation driven women, eventually turning them into real victims... What a bunch of useless bull crap!

Actually, that's how psychological professionals or Govt make their money. They keep telling people: you need help, you are in struggle/stress, you are not happy, you need counseling, you need to obey what we professionals or Govt tell you to do, you need to spend $$ on our services... bull crap! Lies!

This telling-her-what-to-do approach is actually making her more vulnerable, more dependant on those professionals and Govt services.

First of all, I don't promote raping women, but I do promote Freedom of Choice or Free Will. If she likes it, good for her. If she does not, then that's another story. At all times, she is in charge, she is in control, OK?

Not all other people telling her what to do!

She decides what to do. She is an adult. If you think she can not make sound decisions after that incident, think again!

How do you know she can not make good decisions now? How?? Prove it!

How do you know other people are making the right decisions for her?? How?? Prove it!

If you make a decision for other people, you have to take the responsibilities that come along with it, meaning you will have to PAY for the future consequences and costs if your decision does ANY damage on people/situations...

So, if you do not want to PAY for ANY future consequences and costs, then you or Govt should NOT make decisions for other people. Being adults or not, being mentally incapable or not, I don't care. If you make decisions for other people, you HAVE TO take the responsibilities by PAYING for any future consequences and costs.

This is how to justify that ONLY she can make decisions for herself, not others.

So if some women enjoy being raped or ravished, good for them. In fact a lot of women do have such a secret fantasy, which can be realized by men of their choices, of course. It's a part of a broader Men Dominating Women Submissive dynamic.

Google it for more references:

Taken in Hand

Just Fuck Me! - What Women Want Men to Know about Taking Control in the Bedroom

So if you feel good, then you ARE good now.

Move along. Continue the journey in your life.

If I may, I can humbly suggest you to find a good man for yourself.

It's best to practice such in a marriage setting or it could become unstable...

Being faithful is always good for you.

People should not condemn you or look down upon you...

God does not condemn you, and I do not condemn you.

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A male reader, ThePoetR United Kingdom +, writes (8 September 2009):

It's interesting to see so many commenters assuming that you are in denial. The truth is, you could be in denial or you could just not have the same outlook on the situation as most. I've spoken to several victims of rape who had no problem getting over it, while others have had their lives ruined. No two people are exactly the same.

I would be interested to know how you feel about it now.

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A male reader, MR nympho Canada +, writes (24 May 2009):

ur no freak u just have a open mind when it comes to sex ,

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A male reader, JTalbott United States +, writes (26 May 2008):

JTalbott agony auntYou're not alone, many people experience confusion and mixed feelings from rape other social disapproved sexual experiences such as molestation.

Pleasant or not, it was a traumatic event. If you don't deal with it, you may find yourself reenacting aspects of it in future relationships or having difficulties in forming healthy relationships in the future.

Talking with someone experienced with sexual trauma or meeting with a support group of other people who have experienced what you experienced may help you sort out your feeling and come to a more peaceful resolution.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (25 April 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntIt could be because of your culture and your feudal system,

a culture that inhibits women from talking about their

abuse and a legal system that is lenient on rape.

When a Japanese woman is raped or sexually abused, most

often she has no one to help her.

Yours is a very closed soceity and women cannot be seen to

be permissive like those in the Western society.

Sex is usually by rape or by force.

In some segment of your soceity, the parents would allow

their friends or relatives to stay at their house for this purpose.

I read somewhere and I don't know if it is true or not.

In such a circumstance , sex can be a learning experience and an initiation into adulthood .

There are some women who cannot have sex because of too

many inhibitions or taboos and need to be forcibly taken against their will.

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A male reader, OwHiTeLiOnO United States +, writes (25 April 2008):

OwHiTeLiOnO agony auntHi,

There is nothing wrong with you, actually you are doing what 99% of rape "victims" need to do, stop being in denial & admit that they enjoyed it. I have tons of friends that got raped & after some conversations I got them to actually admit to me they they loved it.

OwhiTeLiOnO

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A female reader, YummyMummy United Kingdom +, writes (6 August 2007):

YummyMummy agony auntI get what you meant Dr Pete :) Its hard to judge wheter a question is true or not especailly on such little info. If this site had been around when I was having "issues" with what I went through I'm sure if I had posted a question they would probably be more info, but then again would I have the courage to post everything that was going on.

Anyway just to let you know I wasn't having a go with my last post or saying what you said was wrong or anything like that. :D

xxxxxxxx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2007):

Hey YummieMummy, there is a big difference between being systematically abused over a period of time and being raped within a singular incident. I'm sure you can appreciate how a victim of prolonged abuse, particular that starts in childhood is affected on a completely different level than a late teenager who is raped.

I think with this question there is much, much more going on than is written in such a short question and it highlights again really how with bigger issues it is far better getting professional help rather than expecting people to write advice based on so few details. I'm still not convinced this is a real question, especially considering what country it originates from but if it is I suggest the question asker see a therapist because if it really hadn't "ruined or changed" her life then she wouldn't be writing questions about it on here.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2007):

There's a book called "My secret garden". It was written by a psychologist that interviewed women about their secret fantasies. There is a whole chapter devoted to women who have rape fantasies. So you are not a freak, there are other women who fantasize about it. You might consider reading it, because she discusses the psychology of why some women fantasize about it.

However, this doesn't justify what that man did. He should be prosecuted. Who will he do it to next?

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A female reader, YummyMummy United Kingdom +, writes (6 August 2007):

YummyMummy agony auntI wasn't judging you at all with my response. If you feel you do not agree with peoples responses hun then don't read them again. The whole thing with asking for other people's help is going to bring some advise you don't like I'm afraid.

Also Dr Pete- how do you know that its fact? Am I perverse or lying when I say a tiny part of me enjoyed what I went through? I'm not saying I'd go through the abuse ever again because I don't mean it like that. I'm talking about in a sexual sense in that someone is touching your body and you cant help but respond to it.

xxxxxxxxx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2007):

Nakao. You were not judged. No one has stereotyped you, no one had labeled you, no one had snickered or demeaned you. No one made light of what has happened to you. We are all shocked and outraged that you were raped. People who judge do categorize others as being weird, freaks, people with problems, who act certain ways just for the attention. You point blank asked .."am I a freak?' And you got answers but nowhere were you 'judged'. In fact, I think all the Aunts were more than compassionate and caring in there answers to you. This website gets hoax questions, every single day and all that happened was some of us, questioned the validity of your posting, simply because we were trying to understand your plight and your question about actually 'enjoying' a rape. Understand that Rape is a very serious, a tremendously violent crime against women. So please try to understand our reactions. I do think you are trying to understand why you aren't reacting in a way, most women would have to being violated. We gave you answers. Please accept our answers with an open mind and do realize you will need help, to come to grips with what happened to you. I suggest you seek counseling before the reality of what happened really messes with your head. Good luck, dear and take care of yourself.

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A female reader, hlskitten United Kingdom +, writes (5 August 2007):

hlskitten agony auntIf you didnt want people to be honest about what they thought, why post in the first place. You know its not a normal reaction to enjoy being raped & obviously people are going to find that pretty grotesque to be quite frank.

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A female reader, Confessions Of A Broken Heart Japan +, writes (5 August 2007):

Confessions Of A Broken Heart is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Confessions Of A Broken Heart agony auntPlease dont call me a fake...i put this question to be answered not to be judged thanks for nothing!

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A female reader, meandmy2 United States +, writes (5 August 2007):

meandmy2 agony auntObviously it has affected more than you are willing to admit, given that a year later, you are wondering about it. I have volunteered at a rape crisis center, and one of the things that I have heard over and over again is that victims are angry with themselves because while mentally they were not willingly having sex, their own bodies betrayed them by accepting the physical pleasure of the sex. Many of these women didn't report the crime, because at that point they were wondering if a crime had even been committed or if they had somehow "asked for it". My advice to you is to call a rape crisis line, find out where you can attend some group therapy sessions to discuss with other victims these questions that you have, and you will find that you are not a freak. You are confused by the differences of mental rape and physical rape. The mental rape is what will catch up with you, and probably when you least expect it.

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A female reader, hlskitten United Kingdom +, writes (5 August 2007):

hlskitten agony auntYes you are. Hope you find solice somehow.

And the women this actually has happened to, dont think all of society is like it. Tragic...

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A female reader, Preciousjl United States +, writes (5 August 2007):

hello,

i thought about that long ago, if a woman would ever enjoy such dehumanization. You are probally the agressive type, and likes it rough, that idea turns you on, either that or you are in denial...

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A male reader, Uncle Trev United Kingdom +, writes (5 August 2007):

There are some girls out there that fantasise about being raped although they are very few and far between. They usually have a safe word where all the action can stop if they feel stressed at any time.

What is being said here though by the sound of it is actual rape and not a fantasy of it.

The physical and mental conciousness of the body can work independant of each other and it is well known that pain and pleasure are very closely aligned. Most people who practice S&M will varify this. It is possible that in a case such as this there has been a confusion of the two.

I don't think you are a freak though - bodys react differantly when faced with extremeties - that is just the way that we all are.

As one or two others have mentioned - I hope this isn't a hoax as it is quite a delicate subject matter that must distress a number of people out there.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2007):

was thinking the same thing as Pete. I wasn't sure if this was a hoax question as I cannot begin to fathom, a woman actually enjoying a 'rape'. Rape is never pleasurable for any woman. If you were 'raped' by your own interpretation of it..I am truly sorry for what has occurred and this man needs to be jailed. "Sexual assault" is a term used to describe any type of sexual activity committed by one person without the consent of the other, whether by verbal or physical force intimidation, or coercion. When the perpetrator is a partner, date or acquaintance, it is called acquaintance rape or date rape. The primary harm done by sexual assault and sexual abuse is often psychological and emotionally scarring. Surviving sexual assault or abuse can be scary, painful and lonely.

You were violated in the worst possible way. Rape and sexual assault is a horrendous, traumatic crime, hun and it's illegal. It is an experience of violation, degradation, and humiliation. It often infuses the survivor with great emotional distress and long term problems. Many woman who are raped are brutally maimed, beaten to a pulp and some, even murdered. Rape is about power , abuse and dominance; it's the most degrading, most horrific thing that can happen to a woman. It's not even about sex..it's about a violent act of absolute hatred toward women. Some women fantasize about 'rape' but I can assure you..if any woman who thinks 'rape' is just 'rough sex or being taken', they are very, very mistaken. I am truely sorry this has happened to you, hun-it was wrong. If you do find yourself, in the future, trying to cope..get to a family counselor and seek some help.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2007):

You are either in denial of what really happened or you were not really raped and this is some perverse message from someone, probably a guy who is confusing the normal rape fantasy and actually enduring a rape. No person who is forced to have sex against their will enjoys it - fact.

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A female reader, YummyMummy United Kingdom +, writes (4 August 2007):

YummyMummy agony auntHey hunni,

I'm really sorry to hear what you went through. I was abused as a child up until I was 16. Apart of me enjoyed the sexual side of the abuse. I felt like a freak as surely no part of me should have gotten any pleasure from it. When I went through counselling she told me that even if mentally I didn't enjoy it physically there isn't much you can do when someone is "pushing your buttons".

Are you talking to anyone about what you went through?

xxxxxxxxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2007):

i agree with what daniel said but another possibility could be that you liked the aggressiveness of it as some sort of fetish there is nothing wrong with it.

i feel sorry for what you went through

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A female reader, Emilie United Kingdom +, writes (4 August 2007):

Emilie agony aunthey, Of course your not a freak! some people have different ways and opinions to what happens to themselves when different things happen to them in their lives. Maybe the reality was you enjoyed it because it was scary at the time " the thrill" of it. You're perfectly normal honey :) xxx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2007):

your not a freak. maybe it was done so that you felt it was just normal sex. to have enjoyed being raped probably means it didnt seem like rape at the time. its not at all your fault and there is nothing wrong with you so just relax. =D

XxXxX

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico + , writes (4 August 2007):

Danielepew agony auntI don't think you're a freak. Perhaps this is a defense mechanism you use, something in the way of "Since I liked it, I was not raped, really". See into it.

I'm sorry you were raped. It shouldn't happen to anyone.

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