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male
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*Luv
writes: Hello.I've been in relationship with my girlfriend for 5 months now. I realize I have insecurity issues, and they are the underlying reason why I do things like what I'm about to relate.In the past, I've discovered evidence that my girlfriend has lied to me by seeing her text message history and her call logs.On New Years Eve, she and I were invited to go chip n' putt golfing. She claimed to be unwell and wanted to stay at home, so I went alone. I later discover text-messages from that time period to another man, "He's leaving in 5 minutes..." "He's gone, call me."She was supposed to call me yesterday, she said she tried but got no response. There is no call to me in her call logs from all day yesterday.We were in the video store. She said she had to return a call from her grandmother. So she makes a call, and wanders around the store talking to the person. The call logs say this person was a dude (not grandmotherly). I've checked the call time against the time on the video store receipt. I am not mistaken.Her lying to me is driving me crazy. I don't think she's cheating on me, I think she's telling "white lies" to avoid having to tell me she's called other guys. How can I tell her her lying is killing me, when my information is gained illicitly through an abuse of her trust and privacy? Is there any way? Maybe I should just end it and work on myself... :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2006): Sounds like you have some pretty 'damning' evidence that she can't be trusted and I am not going to judge you on how you discovered it. And there is no way, you can tell her without her discovering you invaded her privacy. What's done is done. She may be angry and may in fact, change her password so you cannot 'monitor' her, but if that becomes the case, you may have bigger issues to worry about. Then that's when you need to end the relationship.
One things for sure, you won't really rest until you talk to her about it. It will be difficult and I feel for you. But isn't it better to know the truth whether or not, she'll fess up and give you that 'closure'. And will you ever trust and believe in her again? I don't think so. You will be hurt for some time but at least you will not be emotionally tolerating her poor behaviours. Sorry dear, but we make choices whom we allow in our life and with whom we hand our heart over to. It seems you picked a bad apple here. Some people are dishonest, they lie, they cheat and can't keep their promises. They have low character traits and no core values. The truth of life is that when someone's spirit is not there, love is not there, either. Do not further waste your time and emotional investment in someone who pretends to be your committed gf, but really isn't. You will have to be strong and endure go some pain but in the end, you will save yourself the daily agony of knowing she can't ever be trusted. You will also help put an end to this daily misery. You know she's cheating so why waste your time with a liar and a cheat? Either face it now and end it or expect more suffering as time goes on. Your gut instincts are your best friends because they do not leave you. They bring to your attention what you need to know. So take note of that. This situation will fester inside you and cause you incredible emotional suffering and bitterness, dear. End it and move on. I am sorry...no one deserves this type of pain.
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reader, willywombat  +, writes (23 January 2006):
 Whoa this is awkward,
Firstly it looks like something is going on, she is acting in what looks like a deceitful manner, but then so are you. Whilst it may be far-fetched there is still a chance, however small, that she may not be doing anyhting that would warrant a relationship break up.
You have to be honest with her and sit her down. Then tell her you have been snooping on her phone and wait for the inevitable explosion. Her reaction should tell you loads. You don't even have to say what you have "found" just tell her you don't like her telling you untruths.
See how she reacts and go with your gut instinct. But in order to get her to come clean you are going to need to bite the bullet and confess to her about your behaviour too!
Take a look at why you started invading her privacy, do you have issues of trust with everybody or is this just something that has developed recently with your girlfriend. Do you have issues with her having platonic friends of the opposite sex and if so is this the only way she can continue to be mates with them without getting into a row with you?
I don't think that your relationship is going anywere to be truthful, and I think you know it too. Work on your trust and intimacy issues and don't carry them forward with you into any new relationships you may have or you will end up bitter and unhappy.
Good luck making your decision and with your future, x
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