A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have horrible insecurities and they're turning my life into a living hell! For 10yrs i was married to a man who drained every last ounce of self confidence from me (you're too fat, too stupid etc). My new man and the love of my life is 3yrs younger and has had tons of women before me. I plague him with dumb questions like "what do you love about me?" and "how am i special?" "do you think I'm fat?". The poor thing is sooooo sweet and tolerant, he appreciates me and compliments me all the time (although i never believe what he says). We've been together almost a year and marriage is on the horizon but am afraid he's starting to get frustrated with me. Please help me, I adore him and feel that if i were to lose him it would be because i'm too needy and clingy
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (24 February 2007):
 Here are a couple of links that will help you to keep the romance and passion alive in your relationship.
http://magazines.ivillage.com/cosmopolitan/men/menu/articles/0,,426361_285737,00.html
http://www.mynippon.com/romance/keep-passion-alive.htm
http://www.studentvillage.co.za/article/articleview/3154/1/295/
You're right, relationships need to be worked at by both of you. There are some good tips in there that both of you can use. Have fun!
Eve
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAskEve and Odette. thank you both so much. It's such a comfort to know that i am not alone in the world. I've found the links and advice you provided extremely helpful. Do you have any useful tips on how to keep passion and communication alive in a relationship? My man and i are at the peak of everything now but i know that anything not consciously maintained has a habit of deteriorating over time and i never want that to happen to us. I would really appreciate your feedback. Thanks again and God Bless xxx
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (22 February 2007):
The good thing is you're AWARE you are this way, that's important! You just nead to learn how to fix it! Okay, so he's had lots of women before you, where are they now? They're out of the equation because he's chosen YOU! You obviously have a lot of very special qualities if he has chosen you as the woman he wants to marry and spend the rest of his life with so keep that in mind the next time you see him.
Because of your last relationship, you feel the need to be reassured all the time, this is understandable of course but think about it... when was the last thing you said something reassuring to him? When did you last slap his butt as you passed and say, "cor, nice butt sexy!" Work at your relationship together so it's not all one sided, build him up too, boost his ego and you'll find the compliments will flow from his lips even without you asking for them! Leave him little notes, in his shoes, in his lunch box, briefcase, on his pillow, in his pockets, round his phone... "missing you already," "I smile when I think of you," "can't wait to see you again," "I love you so much sexy," they will all bring a smile to his face and in turn you might find him doing similar for you.
Concentrate on emphasising your good points, it might be your legs, your boobs, your face, your hair... whatever it is,accentuate them. Look terrific next time you see him, compliment him on how good he looks too. Here's a couple of links for you to look at, how to build up your confidence.
http://www.wikihow.com/Build-Self-Confidence
http://pickbrains.com/how-do-i-build-up-my-confidence
http://www.more-selfesteem.com/self_confidence_tips.htm
Remember, confidence isn't just about looking good, it's about feeling good too and if you feel good about yourself, that will come across in your personality and will actually attract people to you!
I wish you and your boyfriend all the very best in your future.
Eve
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A
female
reader, Odette +, writes (22 February 2007):
 Its so easy to carry over past experiences into new relationships and sometimes that ends up creating similar situations. You are however aware of your own insecurities and the cause of them so take heart, when you are aware of your problems you are at lease able to find a solution. I to was in a long relationship , 12years, which left me with terrible low self esteem. i didnt get into another relationship for 5 years but you are lucky to have found someone who understands and loves you regardless. However neediness is not an attractive trait you musnt let your last relationship affect this one because unless this guy is a saint eventually he will feel frustrated that he cant make you feel secure. Try writing affirmations you can start with a few simple ones such as "I Love and approve of myself" "I am worthy" "Idesreve the best I accept that now" and "I am loved loving and Loveable" Try writing each one between 10 and twenty times a day every day. When you are thinking a negative thought try and catch yourself and repeat the affirmations almost like a mantra and I promise you will feel better. You have to be consistent and always affirm in the present tense. If you think this is difficult be patient with yourself you will get in the habit think how many times you call yourself useless or an idiot a day! You are the only power in your mind so choose thoughts that empower you. Happiness is something that comes from within and ought not be dependent on anyone else. You are wonderful person worth loving and you have living proof of it by such a considerate partner dont waste it by letting what some fool said in the past spoil it for you. Love and peace x
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