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Average amount of sex partners in a lifetime.

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Question - (14 November 2007) 42 Answers - (Newest, 28 July 2013)
A female United Kingdom, anonymous writes:

I was wondering whether anybody knew the average amount sexual partners men and women have in their lifetimes. Im 17 years old and only have had One, I know this is quite normal and am relatively happy about it. I suppose im asking, what can i expect in the future? thanks.

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A male reader, Rob74 United Kingdom +, writes (28 July 2013):

Ive had one partner in my life.I love her but sex is crap. Don't waste youre life like me

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A male reader, A.R.S. United States +, writes (14 January 2013):

I'm a 17 year old guy and I've had 68 partners. By what I've seen and heard, there really isn't a certain average. Everyone is different and everyone has different life choices. Me personally, I would have sex with any girl who was willing. Even though I'm honest about all the women that I've been with they're still okay with the fact that, that was the past. I've only worn a condom twice but that doesn't seem to bother the girls much. I'm scared that I may have an STD or STI but I took my chances and didn't wrap it up so I deserve what I get.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2011):

i am a 37 year old male and have had 137 partners,,,yes no joke,,but find the one you love and that makes you happy...it will be the best sex of your life...wrap it before you tape it...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011):

I think you can see there are a varying amount of numbers for everyone. I have had somewhere around 20. I can't say for sure because I honestly don't know. Some were girlfriends, some were friends with benefits, and some were escorts. However, I can say for absolute certainty that the most intense and passionate sex I've ever had was(is) with my wife. 2nd, 3rd, and so on were relationships. I've never really had GREAT sex with a woman that I wasn't in a meaningful relationship with.

Be careful when doin' tha damn thang! Protect yourself.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010):

My girlfriend of 9 months told me from the beginning never ask about her past relationships......While she was drunk we were having sex and I asked her to be honest and tell me she said she stopped counting guys after 570 something yes you read right over 570 different sexual partners.....I have no Idea what to do since she has moved in with me

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010):

Hi im a 16 year old female and already had 23 partners this is somthing i am not at all proud of but i wuld say a normal amount of partners 2 have buy the age of 18 is less than 5 and by the age of 20 less than 15 in a life time maybe jus like 20 something or 30

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010):

im 16 (male) and I have had 6 partners, although 5 have been in the last month, when me ans my girlfriend broke up I went a little wild, i compleatly regret doing that, if you find someone you love dont fuck it up

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010):

Hi,

Honestly, I'd say stay with that ONE partner for life if you can. I'm almost 29 and I've had somewhere between 45-50 partners. My boyfriend has had less than 10 and he just turned 30. The good thing is that he's a loving, caring person that doesn't judge nor use my past aganist me.

In a discussion we had the other day, both of us admitted that we wished we'd waited until we were grown & married to lose our virginities- it's something you can't get back. Sex is great but it's also greatly over rated. It's definitely about the quality not the quantity. I wish I'd met my boyfriend when I was younger. I lost my virginity at 14. He lost his at the age of 17 to a girl that was a couple years older, who got pregnant with his baby. Go figure! Take it easy kid- sex in today's times can have alot of consequences. Having a child can deter you from pursuing future goals and getting an STD is nothing something you want to live the rest of your life with. In all the years and all the sex, I've only [thank God] caught one thing- clamidiyah. Sadly, I was sleeping with three people (my boyfriend at the time, my lover & my fiance')- yes I was being really risky. I couldv've seriouly bit off more than I could chew. Just be careful, make cautious decisions and stay safe. Good luck and God bless.

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A female reader, The_Nameless United States +, writes (2 November 2010):

The_Nameless agony auntI am 25 (less than four months shy of being 26) and have had only one sexual partner. This was about a month ago.

I actually wanted him to be my first and only sexual partner, but ... long story short, it was only sex for him.

I now know that I'll have more than one sexual partner, but I hope it's never more than ... maybe three my entire lifetime. I just don't like the idea of various men knowing me that intimately.

However, I only prescribe that kind of outlook to myself. I don't judge other people AT ALL for how many sexual partners they have had or want to have. That's just MY preference (to be kinda conservative in the number of men I sleep with).

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010):

I was with my childhood love until

4yrs ago, I was with her 12yrs in the 4year since my divorce I've slept with 70 different women, as a horny lad it's quality

That counts buddy

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010):

I'm 14, I've only ever done anything with one guy, (my current boyfriend, together 6 months) i lost my virginity a few weeks after turning 14. But I've gone out with a fair few people, i only count 3, as never meeting someone and hardly speaking to them, and 2 day relationships, etc, other than that, 3, but i've got off with loads, including two girls, and around 10 guys. i think. i think it just depends who you are and what your morals are, my boyfriend waited to find the right person for his first kiss.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010):

37 yrs old. 24 partners. (I think. There were some very blurry nights in there.) No STI's, thank god.

Honestly, I'm just looking for one more to last me. I've found that sex better the less casual it is. All the really great sex has been in committed relationships.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010):

I'm 24 and am extremely liberal about casual sex and am very forthright with my intentions, never leading a girl on and basically telling them what I want.

Straight forwardness has worked me wonders, because most men are too afraid to truly voice what they want and think..

24 years of age.

170 sexual partners.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2010):

growing up in the 70's , I am not average there have been over 25 women I have had sex with so far in my life , getting a divorce now at 49 , I am sure to have a few more women in my life , not sure if it was the time I grew up in , but I do remember most all the women and the first lover , we were very young 14 and I still run into her every few years , I guest I am lucky in the sex area....it's all good

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2010):

I have had 5 sexual partners in my life time, I think this is a very modest number and like the previous blogger, they always come back.

I could have engaged in full sexual exploration with more people, but unfortunately I belong the AIDS generation and this has seriously curtailed what i might I have got up to otherwise.

I do not think there is a golden number, but the rule of thumb should be can you live with yourself? if the answer is yes, then have as many as you like. It really is a private matter and only for sharing if you want to share it.

I am 43, and I have enjoyed petting/fore play with more than 5 partners.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010):

3 after nearly 50 years

But one of them keeps coming back for more, year, after year, after year...and it gets better and better...and more than once a year too!!

I don't know about those who have the sexual partner high numbers, but I really enjoy the high numbers of sexual encounters with the partner that keeps coming back.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010):

Pretty enlightening (read "scary") stuff. I had multiple opportunities during high school and college with females (and males, theater folk are odd), but never disrespected them or endangered myself. Been married 20 years, sex with one woman. I guess I was too afraid to get involved at that level. My manhood was screaming "yes", but my mind knew better. I think it makes my marriage easier to know that we were both virgins on our wedding night and faithful since. No doubts, no regrets.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2010):

I am currently 18 and in college. I have only had sex with two women. One is a girl who i've dated for 3 years and another was a girl who i dated for a month. 2 partners isn't much, but i've had sex well over 500 times. I could have hooked up with many women, but why?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010):

im 19 ... 44

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A female reader, lucythom United States +, writes (21 September 2010):

I am 19 and have been in 4 realtionships and have slept with 5 guys the one not im the relationship was a drunken night i dont remember... none of these guys do i regret.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010):

I am a married man with 3 children. I had sex with 15 women before I met my wife. My wife had 3 other partners before we met. Most of my previous partners were women that I was in a relationship with, but some were one-night stands when I was in college. Although I enjoyed my sexual endeavors at the time, I look back now and wish that I had treated sex as being more special than I was treating it. When a young guy (or girl for that matter) has raging hormones, they sometimes are looking for anybody for a release. But when you get older and find the love of your life, sex is so much better.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010):

I read the advice given you and too many come from people who are far too young to answer his for you. I myself at nearly fourty still ask this question how many is too many and what is true love etc.

For some people these answers come fast and work well, others it does not work out. Then some try many times and it ends up failing, I think what really is important is not always how many but were they relationships or just one nighters or such?

To say men and woman differ in the amount is ludicrous I know so many woman that have been with more men then the men I know so that blows one online statistic away, the thing you have to know about statistics is that they only ask a few thousand and base that on the average of ALL of us!

In the end it only matters what YOU think is too many and risky we all have to be our own judges and live with the decisions we make and they will not always be the correct ones I can tell you no one rarely if all has a perfect un eventful life.

Just hope that your love lasts far longer than you are in age now as I can testify as I was with the same woman from the age of fifteen until thirty seven far longer than our ages at the time, almost twenty six years in all and it ended badly to this day still though I wish it had not ended in such a manner. We cannot always control all aspects of our lives, life is not about how hard you can hit its about how hard you can get hit and get back up and say I have purpose and a reason to live or life will keep you down and never let you back up I have seen it far too often.

Enjoy each moment with your boyfriend and do not worry about such things no one can foretell the future and the best we can do is live the day and prepare for the short term even if we make long term goals they can change fast always know that nothing is written in stone until its done.

I hope this helps a little more, to sum it up it does not matter so much if either of you have been with no one else or were with three others before, what you do now matters and counts and will help dictate your future and be used to recall on your past. These decisions are what we reflect on later in life and wish if we could only have done such and such instead. Try your best to follow your heart and gut feelings on life and your boyfriend and you will probably do as well as one can do. No one can gaurantee a long lasting love anymore sadly, it seems to have nearly vanished from todays society so if you have a romantic and you do love them keep them IMO honesty, faithfulness and loyalty to one another is what matters the most between a couple and communication as well. The two sexes are not really THAT much different than most would have you believe.

We all have mood swings, men and woman of young age have a higher chance of cheating then an older couple of fifty plus that is for sure but until you reach an age where you have spent almost fifty years with the same person most will not want to change their lives anymore. Sadly today too many marriages end up in a divorce compared to thirty years ago. Do not allow statistics and history or opinions sway you from what your heart and gut tell you to do. Trust in yourself and have faith in yourself that is the best advice I can give you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2010):

Well, I'm way over the average, mainly due to my first wife. We first started dating at 19, and I lost my virginity to her (not for my lack of trying earlier in life). But she was well over 200 by the time I came along. In the 2 1/2 years before we got married, we both had 6-7 other partners, including 2 "swinging" events. After about 2 years of marriage, we started swinging regularly. By the time we got divorced (at age 31), she was over 300 (almost all men, but a few women), and I was up to about 60. Not trying to brag here, it just happened. I've been completely monogamous since I met my second wife in late 1987, but my count is close to 70, all women.

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A female reader, ForeverAndADay1023 United States +, writes (7 July 2010):

Well, I'm 15 and have had two. The average is 7 for males, and 4 for females, but that doesnt matter...It's the individual, and you cant live your life based on a statistic.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2009):

i personally think that anyone that has over 30 sex partners is kinda of risky i will tell the truth i lost mine at 13 due to rape. Then i went into a stage where i didnt give a fuck who i had sex with, im sixteen now i have had 25 partners within that stage after rape. now i live a healthy lifestyle and have a serious commitment to a guy for 2 years

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A male reader, tbabyrr Canada +, writes (11 December 2009):

i'm pretty sure the number for guys and girls isn't seven, because although there are some virgins who will never fuck anybody, more people bring up the average, ive had sex with 51 people and im only a second year in college, maybe im above the norm but people are generally a lot sluttier now and no way im more then 7 timews the average, makes me feel like im a sick fellow

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A male reader, Mexicanuck Mexico +, writes (4 November 2009):

Ive had like 50.. Im 23. Gonna keep the ticker goin

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A female reader, xo_xo Canada +, writes (27 December 2008):

Well I used to think my number wasn't too bad... but then I was watching T.V. and they said the average person will have only 9 sex partners in their whole life. Then I got a bit worried since im only 17 years old and I've had sex with 25 men. So my new years resolution is to not have sex with anyone new...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2008):

i would think the stats on partners would be greatly increased im 19 and already have had 7 sexual partners

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A male reader, Austin2305 United States +, writes (13 November 2008):

I think its 4 for Women and 7 for men; however, I do think it matters. I have always kept this low as I want a relationship that's not burdened with so many past relationships - both mine and hers. Me? I have 4 pasts, my ex had 15. Actually this was the reason for the divorce, after ten years of marriage, I found out she had lied about her past. Women seem to do that. My recent gf lied as well, said she had three, turns out to be 8. So she's history of course.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008):

all guess ten

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A female reader, Fiona xxx United Kingdom +, writes (27 April 2008):

Fiona xxx agony auntI have only had 6 sexual partners.

The guy who I married, two previous boyfriends, and 3 one night stands.

I used to get a lot of male attention, so looking back, I could have doubled this figure by the time I was 21. Must have been a bit strait laced looking back.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008):

I have only had 6 sexual partners.

The guy who I married, two previous boyfriends, and 3 one night stands.

I used to get a lot of male attention, so looking back, I could have doubled this figure by the time I was 21. Must have been a bit strait laced looking back.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2008):

There's no "normal." Everyone's different.

You hear people say this, and what usually comes to mind is how some people have 5-10 partners but there are always those few who have like 50 . . .

. . . but what rarely ever comes to mind (until it gets pointed out with an example that surprises everybody else in the room) is that there are lots of people who go to their 30s & 40s as full-blown virgins. And a lot more who've dated a list of people but still only slept with 1 or 2 out of them all.

There's really no surefire rules about this stuff anymore. Obviously older age tends to cause a higher numbers of partners on average, but that's about it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008):

I'm eighteen, and I've had thirty-three partners. I regret all but a few of them. Well, one doesn't really count. She was female, and we never even got too close before I got weirded out because I'm just not into girls. Long story, her idea, we were always great friends and we still are.

Like everyone else said, it's quality, not quantity.

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A female reader, samohir Macedonia +, writes (15 November 2007):

samohir agony auntIt surely depends of The kind of person is somebody and the circumstances he Is put into.

Im 24 and know friends that have had only 1-2 partners in their life and others that had 10-15. It really depends on many things.

I would not be that concerned about the ammount of partners in future, honestly. But you need to know Urself.

Some ppl,can sleep with a Lots of others Not bothering their mind and consience, and Some may sleep with 1 caousing their mind to bother. It really depends of the kind of person Ure.

Good luck and Enjoy

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2007):

Um let's see. I am 26 and I have slept with 8 guys. Most girls that I know that are my age have slept with around this many guys. Or more. But I also know some girls who have slept with a lot less. At my age nobody really judges you. And furthermore, most people don't ask. At my age alot of guys don't ask cause they would be too embarrassed to have to tell you how many they have been with.

It is never really about quantity. It shouldn't be. I mean people change in their lives. Or go through phases. Naivety gets the best of you sometimes.

Just always know what you want and who you are. And be SAFE.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2007):

If I knew a 37yo woman who'd slept with 100 men then I would call her loose. Regardless of what kind of thought processes was justifying each individual action to herself at the time, the final result was pretty clearly loose.

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A female reader, BreeBree United States +, writes (15 November 2007):

I think you have a huge influence over how many men you sleep with in the future. I knew I didn't want to sleep with a man until I got married, so for me it is only 1 man.

I have friends who have sex with someone at almost every party they go to. For them it will be much more.

Some will only have sex if deeply committed in a relationship. For each person it will differ greatly.

You are in charge of your body and ultimately you decide. I hope that was helpful. I do agree with the people who posted earlier about how quality is more important than quantity.

I hope the relationships you engage in provide you with great growth and the expansion of ideas and improvement of your life. :)

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A female reader, birdynumnums Canada +, writes (15 November 2007):

birdynumnums agony auntHi,

The average is somewhere between 7 and 10 partners, but I'm sure that most people are not regarding this as a "goal" and many may regret a few of these "numbers". Probably the more important issue is to take every relationship seriously, as your health is at stake, both emotionally and physically. People differ on the amount of people that they are comfortable sleeping with. What feels normal to you may not be normal for someone else. Your personal integrity and morals belong to you and you alone. You should be comfortable with the decisions that you make for yourself!

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A male reader, SamuraiRick United States +, writes (15 November 2007):

SamuraiRick agony auntWell the number of sexual partners you have in a lifetime I believe is a matter of luck and timing. You could meet a guy tomorrow that honestly could be the only guy you ever need. Seriously, you don’t want live to the age of 37 and have 100 partners. That’s not only risky behavior it could affect with you emotionally and when you come right down to it, what you want in life is not multiple sex partners but happiness in the relationships you find in your life. Strangely, multiple sex partners works for men better than it does women. We are better equipped emotionally to handle that and can easily separate sex from love. Women are more into the emotional side of a relationship, and seek more in a relationship than sex. Yes there are exceptions, but largely women have fewer partners over their lifetime then men.

At such a young age you shouldn’t be concerned with quantity, but quality. Don’t even make a count. Only professionals count. Don’t ever get self-conscious about how many people you’ve had sex with. As a matter of fact that kind of information should be confidential with you anyway. You never have to discuss it with anyone other than a good friend or your psychiatrist.

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A male reader, Collaroy Australia +, writes (15 November 2007):

Collaroy agony auntHi,

It is not a question you should be asking yourself. It's as though you need to put something in the bank so you can judge someone in the future: "He's had 10 different partners so he must be a player" . this is a dangerous route to go down.

You might fall in love with a man who has slept with 50 women, but it doesnt mean he is unable to commit. I have a friend who has probably slept with over 100 men in her 37 years, she is not a women of ill repute just someone who picks the wrong guys time and time again.

At the end of the day it doesnt matter, though you will find plenty of guys on this site who are obsessed with their girl's sexual history and the number of men they have slept with - its best to avoid these types as they carry these insecurities with them making their partners life a misery.

Good luck, and dont worry about it, how many sexual partners you have is nobody's business but your own .

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