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Au Pair work???

Tagged as: Big Questions, Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 July 2010) 5 Answers - (Newest, 9 July 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I still feel very upset when i think about when i worked as an Au Pair last year in Spain. I hadnt had any previous experience in child care, but the family hired me any way . I think some families are relaxed about that as the main job was to teach the children English, which obviously, i am good at as i am from England. They seem more relxed about it in Spain compared to here anyway. The kids seemed ok at first, but the daughter kept giving me cruel looks sometimes, and once, when i was trying to teach them English, they kept throwing tissues at each other and werent paying attention. You can imagine how difficult it must have been for me. I guess the kids didnt like having a stranger around them, although sometimes, they were very well behaved and did well with the English. The first weekend i was there ( i arrived on a weekend ) it went well. I went out with the family and their friends to a restaurant.

One other big problem though was that the family, and most of their friends didn't know much English at all, so mostly i only answered yes or no to their questions, as i thought if i said too much, they wouldnt understand me. Only a couple of their friends, and their housekeeper knew quite a bit of English. I felt isolated sometimes when we were together as a group. I got on really well with one of the female friends though, who knew some English, and i also got on well with the housekeeper. However, it was hard for me to adjust to living with a new family, especially as we couldnt really communicate. I stayed in my room a lot whenever we were at home. I guess they could have seen that as being antisocial, but i just didnt know what to do. I couldnt sit and watch tv with them as it was all in Spanish and i wouldnt have understood a word of it.

The family and friends and I all went on a hiking weekend at the end of my first week there. However, i got really tired towards the end, as i wasnt used to it. I had never been hiking before. It was quite embarrassing as they were all used to it. When we got home, i was on my own wit the kids in the kitchen having supper. Their parents were out of the room, and they took some more bread , which they werent allowed to do. Their parrents went mad at them when the yfound out. I thought i would get into trouble as i hadnt tried to stop them. I ddint know they werent allowed to do that until their parents shouted at them though.

Then at the beginning of my second week there, i broke down in tears as the kids ran away from me as i was walking them home from school. I told the mother that i wanted to go home, but i didnt really mean it. I was just stressed. I thought she would have given me more of a chance to adjust but she didnt. I told her later on that i didnt mean it when i said i wanted to go home, but apparently, her and her husband had been wondering whether to send me home over the weekend, and i guess me crying that day was what pushed them to decide to send me back. I thought they could have just told their children to behave around me, which is what my parents would have done, but they didnt. I had only been there for 11 days in total when i went home. They also felt that i hadnt been speaking to the children enough sometimes too, but it was just hard because we didnt know a lot of each others languages.

I'd like to try again with another spanish family at some point, and i am thinking of doing some voluntary work with children to gain some experience. I chose Spain as i love the country and the culture. Although, i must say, my last experience knocked my confidence, and i was very depressed for a long time afterwards, I even still feel upset now when i think about it. I'm also sorry to say that it nearly put me off Spanish people too. I had taken holidays to Spain prior to working there, and i found the people i met to be friendly, but then, i had only met them briefly. I'm not sure if the way the family acted had anything to do with them being Spanish though, but i guess some Spanish people act differently to Englis hpeople because of the differences in culture. I've noticed that a lot of Spanish people seem to be very outgoing, and maybe they dont like shy people ?. I'm not usually shy, but it was my first time living abroad, so it might have come across that i was shy around everyone.

I'd be interested to hear opinions from anyone here who is Spanish, or anyone from other countries who has either lived in Spain, or knows a lot about it. Perhaps you would know more about their ways and the country than i do ?. I'm wondering whether to try living with a family there who knows more English next time too, as i know tha tsome people do know a lot of English there. I have tried to learn Spanish, but i find it very difficult to pick up. I'm also not sure if working with children is the best idea, but, if i do the voluntary work, it might help. I find the idea of teaching children English to be very rewarding. I've also considered teaching English in a Spanish school though, rather than working as an Au Pair, or teaching English to Spanish students, as i know there are some of those jobs around too. Which do you think would be the best option? Apparently, you dont need to know Spanish to do those jobs either. Any advice you can give on any of these areas would be great.

View related questions: confidence, depressed, shy

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2010):

Why not learn Spanish by watching popular movies from their culture with English subtitles? I improved my Spanish this way.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2010):

c.lili, i have also considered working in Italy or Portugal !. I know some families can speak English there too, and they seem like lovely countries. I haven't been to either of those places yet. I've also considered Greece, Tenerife, Australia and Norway. There are loads of countries to choose from !. And i would like to find a family that is more welcoming and understanding about the Au Pair being in a new enviroment .

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2010):

Hi. Actually, i do think i could have been more sociable. It was just difficult as we couldnt communicate very well. I agree that it's better to know Spanish beforehand too. I didn't really do enough research before i went and kind of just went straight into it. My parents even thought it was cruel that they didnt give me a fair chance though, and yet they knew both sides of the story. And i was just brought up to respect people, whether it's family, friends, and especially strangers. The family also didn't intend on putting me on a Spanish course, which i know most families do do that. It did frustrate me too that we had to look things up in a English to Spanish dictionary and i had to write things down a lot so that they could understand me . I know that one of the main things about being an Au Pair is to learn about each others cultures too.

At least i have learned from my mistakes now and i know i have to learn the language more, which will obviously make me more sociable, and the shock probably wouldnt hit me as hard next time as i have been there once before. And if i have more experience in child care, it should help. I did get homesick too towards the end of my stay there, but i think that was because of the problems on both ends. I dont know how you can possibly get used to a new place after just one week though, especially after living in England for 25 years. Plus, i had always lived close to my family, so i guess i missed them too.

As i said though, i might reconsider being an Au Pair and do something else.

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A female reader, c.lili Italy +, writes (8 July 2010):

c.lili agony aunthmm next time find out at least if the family knows enough English to communicate better.

I've been to Spain, Portugal and now live in Italy. I'll say that if you like Spanish culture try Portugal, it's a smaller country but I find that the people there are much more nice they really try their best to put people comfortable at home.

And unlike the Spanish they actually are better at speaking English. I compare the Spanish with the French, they have this barrier that just makes it hard to learn a new language. For example at Portugal all the american tv series and movies are not doubled but have subtitles so kids actually listen to more English while the Spanish translate EVERYTHING they even translate the brand Johnny Walker to "Juanito caminante" LoL

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A female reader, pancakes rule Ireland +, writes (8 July 2010):

pancakes rule agony auntThe job of an au pair is to help with housework and childcare, while living with a family and learning the language of the country.

It seems that you misunderstood your role, and didn't learn Spanish.

Learn some conversational Spanish at least before you return! You will not enjoy any stay in Spain no matter what your job unless you can speak with people.

Also, you seem to blame everyone without thinking about how you could have improved your interactions with people. There are always 2 sides to a story.

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