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Attracted to my cousin, what do we do?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Family, Forbidden love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 May 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 30 May 2010)
A male United Kingdom age 26-29, *aylorkeynes writes:

im 20 years old and i have a cousin who is 21 and she's very attractive which i guess was the first thing i noticed about her and we weren't close at all, before all of this happened we had seen each other about 5 times in our whole life and we met at a family party and got along really well so we decided to go for a drink one night so we did and later that night we decided to go back to mine for a drink and when we was in my bedroom drinking we just randomly started making out but it didn't feel weird at all (i guess because we barely knew each other). After we talked about how we just found each other attractive, and after that night we have been going on dates but not telling anyone about them and the other night we slept with each other and this morning she told me that shes falling for me and I'm really falling for her and really want to be with her because it does not feel at all like we're related. What should i do?

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A female reader, AmorousElement United States +, writes (30 May 2010):

AmorousElement agony auntIf you really love her then do what you think is best :)

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A female reader, BunnyTee United States +, writes (25 May 2010):

BunnyTee agony auntWhat you *should* do is refrain from going to family reunions, looking for a date.. we have a name for that here in the US...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010):

Actually, in the UK it isn't illegal to marry your cousin; most Pakistani marriages (which make up 3% of UK marriages) are to a first cousin. The taboo is largely there due to the complications involved in close relatives having children.

Unfortunately for you, most GPs would discourage first cousins from having kids of their own (due to a higher factor of congenital disease). So if you're planning on a future with this girl, you might want to talk about adoption or sperm/egg donation - and do talk about it, because she might be the type of girl who wants children of her own someday and you need to get across whether you're okay risking their health for it.

On a personal level, by all means go out with this girl. Stopping yourselves now will only lead to 'forbidden fruit' syndrome, and you won't be able to keep your hands off each other. I would keep your cousinship quiet to your friends, and your relationship quiet to your family; neither of you need the hassle that such things bring - and your family especially don't need to know anything is going on. You can't second-guess the kind of damage this union would bring, rightly or wrongly, and it's frankly not fair to tell them the truth if they're going to get hurt (and you might break up with cousin anyway). For the time being, at least.

Being the age you are, chances are this won't last; almost everyone 'meets their soulmate' at 20, and almost everyone breaks up with them a few years later. Just ask anyone over the age of 30. If so, you don't need to trouble your family with the details. If, however, this does go the distance, you'll need to bring it up with your family eventually - but that's years in the future. Concentrate on your relationship as it is now - and keep it on the down low.

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (25 May 2010):

YouWish agony auntWell, if this was the Victorian Era, your parents would have already arranged your marriage before you both turned 16 years old. But nowadays, relationships with cousins are ILLEGAL. Personally, I'm not passing judgment because you both are of age and obviously consenting adults.

Better keep this one a secret.

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