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At 20 I should be sowing my wild oats, but instead I'm intimidated by girls and don't want sex! What is wrong with me?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Sex, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 August 2011) 4 Answers - (Newest, 3 August 2011)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I'm on anti depressants so my sex drive is low. I turned this girl down as i didn't wanna lose my virginty to her and wasn't horny at all. WTF is wrong with me? I should be really horny and sleeping with loads of girls but i haven't I'm 20 years old and get intimidated by girls. I can talk to men but not girls.

HELP?

Girls look at me alot and i get attention yet somehow i still feel bad, almost guilty and worthless when they do.

I'm definetly NOT gay. I can talk to guys sometimes, When i get rejected by them it hurts but when its rejection by women then it hurts a LOT more.

I've been mistreated by women all my life so maybe that's why. My own sister hates and rebukes me for no reason and my mum never allowed me out when i was younger.

Grew up without a dad and don't really care about him anymore.

Rejection from women hurts a LOT more than from men. I dunno why.

It's like i feel guilty for wanting to have sex with a girl and also worthless and undeserving of it. At my age (20) i should be sleeping with loads of girls and sowing my wild oats but nothing so far.

View related questions: horny, sex drive

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

What does asexual mean?

By approaching guys, i mean in a friendly way, not in a sexual way. Gay sex isn't for me. I can easily talk to any male i see, but not women as i get really terrified and avoid them.

I think the antidepressants may be affecting my libido. I like the idea of sex and even pursuing a girl for it, but somehow i don't feel worthy of it. Even if i did manage to convice one to do it, i'd chicken out of it and wouldn't be up for it anymore.

My sister is younger and i genuinely don't know what her problem is with me. My mum is just really clingy and annoying.

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A male reader, Jjang19 Canada +, writes (3 August 2011):

Its possible to be asexual.

I would know from personal experience :)

Its strange, but i feel the same way as you. Im 19 now, and I have had quite a few girlfriends, but the though of sex put me off. It was fun for me to play with their bodies to make them feel good, but its mainly because I have a curious personality, and after a while I got bored and just didnt want to have sex. I tried a bit with men, but that was even less fun, as I understood how guys worked in the 1st place.

I find it fun having someone to have as company but im not sexually attracted to anyone at all.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011):

Hi, have you you ever considered you could be asexual? It could be a possibility.

That aside, you and I seem some-what similar, however, you may be suffering from a more mental issue rather than a physical one.

Anit-Depressants, feeling of guilt, family hating you. I think the very first relationships you've had with women, such as your mother and sisters didn't work out so well, so now it is affecting you in an emotional way with women you want to be intimate with.

You mention that you weren't gay, but you also implied that you've approached guys. Are you sure you aren't maybe bisexual? Or, is the fact that you aren't very good with girls has pushed you to sometimes look in the direction of a guy, who may accept you a bit more?

I strongly believe you feel the way you do feel the way you do because of your family. Try and see if you can work on a better relationship with them especially your sisters, why do they hate you? Are they younger or older.

Speak with a counselor, you are depressed, and in a position where you need help, talk to friends of a professional at school, yourself even (every does it sometime), write it in a book, cry even. Just let out what it is that you're holding onto that's causing you all this grief.

I really hope this helps! Good luck!

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A male reader, TrancedRhythmEar Saudi Arabia +, writes (2 August 2011):

TrancedRhythmEar agony auntHey man. Im sure you have a great personality. Ill suggest focusing on your mental health first so u can approach sex and relationships to the best of ur mental ability. Women will reject. They will play games. Even be superficial. Ill refer u to a guy named david deangelo. He has studied the psychology of women for years and has vast amounts of free valuable material online.

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