A
female
age
26-29,
*lue95
writes:I'm with my man a year and 6 months and the sex is becoming non existant. At the begining it was great but now im lucky to get sex once a month. It's always me who has to ask or make a move never him and its upsetting me. When i said it he said he is spearing himself for holidays but like last year it will probably be the once and thats it. When i ask him at his place he says the bed is too noisy or he is tired or paranoid of people hearing us. So when we go to a hotel he tries to make sure he wont have to by saying later and i wait and wait for him to make a move but he dosen't bother. We got engaged three weeks ago and havent had sex once infact we havent for 6 weeks now. I try all the time to make a move but he pushes me away i touch his crotch he moves my hand and says no babe. I cried to him and he just says hes no energy but yet he can have energy to do everything else. ITs like asking for a kidney. I have NO sex life. We went to a hotel 2 days ago and instead of making a move he rather play games on the laptop. My patience is wearing thin. When i ask now and he says no i do get moody and disappointed and he says stop you have me for the next fifty years but is that fair?. Is it normal for a man to try and avoid sex so much? We are only together 18 months and already our sex life is non existant. He has made so many excuses now that i even think to myself why bother asking now because hell just say no or push me away. I even feel awkward asking now i feel desperate if i ask and its beginning to upset me but he dosent seem to care one bit, hes not stressed because he has bee on hols the past week and its nothing to do with his work either. Its like he feels he dosent have to impress me. When we met at first he used to boast about him and an ex that he used to have sex with her 8 times a day and all this circles in my mind. Making me feel im not as good as her that she was probably better hence why dosent bother to have sex. When i mention that he says thats years ag. Any advice? I feel so sad and dont know what am i to do anymore ......
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2014): Find someone new. I see major problems ahead. If folks just open there eyes to todays problems and know that they will just get bigger, then there would not be so much divorce.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (28 August 2014):
 Is it "normal" for a male in your age-group not rarely want sex? No, it's not. It's definitely NOT average at all.
However, IT might be the norm for him. He might not BE very interested in sex. He was in the start, but the novelty has worn off.
Now he has boasted about 8 times a day with his ex... but.. for how long was that? Because I sincerely doubt it was throughout the whole relationship. Do you know why they broke up?
Also, grabbing his crotch is not really very flattering. It's more like you are looking for stud service. I tell you if a guy grabbed my boobs or crotch and though it would be an instant turn on... He'd be VERY VERY wrong. Just like poking a girl with a hard-on is NOT foreplay.
It seems like you two are not at ALL sexually compatible.
Which leads me to my next question. WHY did you get engaged? If you want MORE sex, did you think getting a ring on your finger would automatically give you sex on demand? Have you considered that he asked you to marry him, because he loves you and feel like he can spend "50" years with you, but that SEX for those 50 years s not really part of the deal?
My advice? when you two are alone sit him down and tell him. I don't feel we have enough sex and intimacy. Then express what SEX means to you. And then ASK him WHY he feels not having sex for 6 weeks is OK.
I would also talk about the engagement here. Because he is halfass promising you that you two will have sex for the next 50 years, so let's not "wear" it out now. Expect, he is making you feel unwanted (at least sexually) and that will eventually lead to YOU not have much interest in sex. Let alone for next 50 years.
My next advice is to NOT have sex, or initiate sex for a WHOLE month. Don't tell him this, but see his reaction. IF he does NOTHING, then you know your man has a really low libido. IF he starts to initiate then maybe he just needed the pressure for sex off, of him for a bit.
After that month, you have to decide if you can LIVE with a partner who is not compatible (sexually at least) to you.
Another thing here I'd like to mention, is that you make THIS about you. It MUST somehow be YOUR fault that he has gone off sex. Why? Why is your fault?
It takes two to tango. It takes two to have a good healthy relationship. It takes compromising and communication to make it work long-term, not just sex and love.
So start TALKING, not making it a blame game, but you NEED to suss out what is really going on. And that is NOT going to happen unless you talk and unless he opens up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2014): You have no sex life and he's always turning you down. Why are you engaged? Just to make you leave him alone about sex?!
How old is this guy? Why would you want to marry someone who doesn't want to have sex with you? He's making excuses now, what do you think he will do when you're a married-couple?
Sex is important to you. So end the engagement, breakup, and find someone sexually-attracted to you. He apparently isn't!
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