A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Yet again my boyfriend of 18 months has ruined another special occasion. Yesterday I left work early and made a real effort to make his birthday special. I bought him lovely gifts, dressed up and booked a table at his favourite restaurant.We were sat in a restaurant and he started on me about how I'm too friendly with people. I simply wanted to go over to an associate to say hello to her. He said to leave it as she was with friends. This went on with him criticizing how I had complimented the taxi of the driver who was drivng an old London taxi and how I had asked the waiter which dishes he recommended on the menu. It resulted in him saying "You are not f* saying hello to her" in front of the waiter who stood there with his mouth open at him.I calmly walked home and out of his life for good. I have really had enough. Why did I think I could make things work with someone who puts me down and says I'm too friendly and people don't like it. I feel ashamed of myself and embarrassed that I put so much effort into someone who on the one hand says I'm warm, attractive and a good person and then cuts me to the bone with his put downs. I know he was upset that his grown up son hadn't contacted him to wish him a happy birthday and his work is busy but really all I do is make excuses for him and his grumpy ways and mood swings. I can't communicate with him because he won't talk about his feelings.
View related questions:
puts me down Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (31 January 2014):
It's hard to leave someone you care about. For you and just about everyone else. What separates you from a lot of people is that you actually did it instead of wishing you could.
Learn from this experience and it'll all be worth it.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (31 January 2014):
 The *real* shame is if you continue to communicate with him now and waffle back and forth over whether or not you made the right choice. If he puts you down, you leave him, and that's what you did. Don't obsess over whether or not you were with him for 18 months...just be relieved it's not 19 months.
No one has the right to inflict their problems onto another. While everyone has the occasional grumpy day, to constantly have one and fail to deal with it in a mature manner is wrong. No one has to include "emotional punching bag" as part of partner obligations.
You recognized the relationship as toxic and hurtful to you, and you made a healthy decision. Time to mourn the end of the relationship and move on. Don't linger or waver, and whatever you do, do not try and "stay friends" or keep contact with him, or you'll waffle back and forth and then 18 months could turn into 5 years. Keep the break clean and move on.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2014): Doing the right thing can be so painful. Don't punish yourself for trying to make your relationship work. If you go as far as committing yourself to someone; you have to give it everything you've got to keep it going. Until you run into problems like you did.
Let's just say you may have waited longer than you should have, before ending it for the reasons that you did. You didn't waste time, if all that time was being used to show someone how much you cared for them. You're willing to stick to your commitment. That says something good about the kind of woman you are.
We all make mistakes for the sake of love. We go the extra nine yards; because there is meaning behind it.
Use that shame and anger to help you heal faster and get over him. Now is a time of healing, not adding salt to the wounds. Lessons were learned. Now work on pulling it back together and don't let him steal anymore of your power. You've given him more than he's due.
Love gives us bliss and a feeling of euphoria. It can also bring pain and misery. You were smart enough to end the misery. So give yourself credit. He's the one who should be kicking himself in the ass. Wouldn't you say?
May your future bring you only the best, and may your healing come quickly!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (31 January 2014):
 I think you are right walking away now, him being upset with his son doesn't GIVE HIM the right to treat you like crud.
Don't beat yourself up, it might have taken you a little bit longer then you IDEALLY wanted to, before walking away - but YOU did say enough and ended it.
As for him telling you you CAN'T say his to a colleague at a restaurant? Or ask what the waiter would recommend? WTH? How is that OVERLY friendly or offensive?
His loss 100%
Cut him lose and block him.
...............................
|
