A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi All.It’s been a while since I posted on here, but I’m really hoping you might be able to offer some advice. So I am in a (same sex) relationship for almost 10 months now, and for the most it has been incredible! I love this girl with all my heart… I really do. However, in more recent times I’ve started to notice little things and I’m not sure if I’m just being over-cautious or totally justified in my feelings. I’ll try and keep this snappy!A couple of weeks ago, we had an argument because she snapped at me for no reason… I didn’t take it kindly, and she did ring back and apologise. However, when I tried to explain that she can’t just “fly off the handle” at me as and when she pleases, she hit back that she holds back when I do it and I’m equally as bad. I don’t this is a fair statement – I’d admit it if I felt I was. I have asked other friends and family if they think I’m short tempered and the general consensus is “no” too, just for my own reassurance. At times, I feel like she patronises me and if she doesn’t want to do something or go somewhere she’ll either talk down to me in a “we’ll see” type answer, or barely acknowledge what I said and give me the cold shoulder for asking to make specific plans to meet up or whatever. Again, this isn’t always the way – I need to reiterate this. But when the mood hits her, she can be unnecessarily cranky to me. I am afraid that she thinks this is just how it’s going to be, and that I’ll just go with it. But no, I cannot do this forever more.Another scenario was when her best mate was drunk and rude to me one night. He basically let me know his dislike for me and was obnoxious and mean. I said nothing that night because he was drunk, and I didn’t want to cause a scene. I did say it to my GF the next day, wondering why he disliked me and if there was anything I didn’t know about to cause this… I get along with everyone else in her life. To her credit, she said it wasn’t on and that she’d speak to him… She didn’t say much, because I’m still awaiting any form of apology from him. I get that he is her best friend, but he was out of line in how he spoke to me. I know I wouldn’t allow any of my friends treat or speak to her this way. And again, last night when I was on the phone to her I suggested meeting some friends Saturday night – she barely acknowledged what I said in that instance, and I just let it be as I didn’t want to cause a fuss over the phone, but it hurt that she seemed so disinterested in things I might want to do. Her saving grace was that she rang back a few minutes later to apologise for her lack of enthusiasm and I appreciated this so much… I don’t want bad feeling between us. In a nut shell though – am I over-worried about nothing, or are these little red flags that I need to worry about. Can anyone help me? Please? Thanks so much for reading this.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2015): I think you are starting to wonder if you have overinvested in her because she is showing you a short fuse and rebuffing your friendship.When she ralises that you have a standard about how you are treated she issues a quick apology but you want enthusiasm perhaps if you are to travel further together.I dont think you need to self doubt here.I think you should ask her what is troubling her lately as youve noticed a change in her attitude.Is she a conquest type person?One of those who feel that theyve been here and done that and then they can treat you any old way and you wont mind?Or is she a worrier,someone who keeps problems inside,like debt ,or family stresses until they explode in red hot anger.As an easy going person who prefers harmony you might suit a like minded person,so you need to find out if she's seeing someone else,in debt,in trouble with her mum, behind on her work or overstressed or suffering from depression.Continue to respect yourself and keep your self esteem in tact. I t maybe a storm in a tea cup or it may be the first signs of a change.
A
female
reader, Tottochan  +, writes (16 September 2015):
Namaskar,I personally don't feel like these are issues that are so serious as to warrant a breakup, but they are bothering you, and they would bother me too if I were in the same situation.So what you ought to do is to just tell her. She seems to be very understanding when she's not cranky, so you should just gently tell her your concerns - I am sure she'll take it in a positive sense.Regarding the time when she is cranky or upset. All of us get like that, na? I mean, I certainly do. Especially if I'm hungry or sleepy, or I've had a stressful day at work - and the one person that you can take it out on would be the person closest to you - your other half, isn't it? So I think you should feel a little happy that she is open enough to be herself around you and thinks of you as close enough to her that she can afford to be cranky with you. :)Best of luck to both of you!
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